Mother makes appeal for a lover for 21-year-old Otto (He has Down's Syndrome)

Like most mothers Lucy Baxter wants her child to live a fully rounded life - including the experience of a physical relationship and even finding love. But her 21-year-old son Otto has Down's syndrome and has had trouble finding a partner. So she is appealing for women to come forward so Otto can 'enjoy the same experiences as other men his age'.

She says she is even prepared to go so far as to pay for a prostitute for her adopted son. Miss Baxter, 50, also hopes he may one day become a father - despite the controversy this may attract. 'Society has a learning disability when it comes to Down's syndrome,' she said.

'Why should these people be kept separate and pigeon-holed when they have the same emotions, desires and feelings as so-called normal people?

'If he doesn't get a girlfriend, I will feel really bad, because I have sold him this thing that he is like everybody else. That's why I'm working overtime to get this sorted for him.'

Miss Baxter from Abingdon, Oxfordshire, works for the mental health charity Mencap and campaigns for the rights of those with Down's syndrome.

She is single and has never married but has three other adopted sons - James, 27, Titus, 14, and Raphael, seven. They all have Down's syndrome. She has already helped James to set up a page on a social networking website to invite potential partners to come forward for him. 'I'd like all my boys to find love and enjoy sex,' she said.

'I would have no problem paying for Otto to go to Amsterdam to visit a brothel if that's what he wanted.

Thanks for posting, Huck. I have a buddy who’s blind, and I realize Downs is completely different than a physical or sensory disability, like blindness, but for me there’s a comparison. I mean, most people whose bodies “run like a deer” go through some period of being lonely. But if you have Downs or whatever, loneliness is kind of guaranteed, short of a miracle, which this guy’s mother seems to be trying to strongarm. I think its easy to forget that part. We say, sucks to be Jake, because he can’t see anything, but it also sucks to be Jake because the number of women who would even consider dating him is cut down by maybe 99%. (Some of whom, though, are pretty cool...)

I would say this mom is obviously going about things the wrong way. For starters, sex shouldn't be a goal for this kid. The goal should be a rewarding social life. Lonliness does not have to be the fate of a person with Down's Syndrome. And while I'm all for integrating people with developmental disabilities into the community as much as possible, I think the best strategy for these individuals is to provide opportunities for them to interact and socialize with others on their level.

Some people with Down's are quite functional. They can converse. They have hobbies and interests, etc. Others are more severely afflicted. If this guy is "high-functioning", he should have opportunities to meet and hang out with others who are also high functioning. He should be given opportunities to get a job, so that he can also interact in a normal way with healthy people.

In short, the goal should be to enrich his life with relationship opportunities equal to his abilities. He shouldn't be held back, but he shouldn't be coaxed into something he isn't ready for or doesn't understand. He should be coached and supported. He should be given every opportunity to grow and improve his skills and abilities, and hence, his quality of life. The self-confidence that springs from such experiences would make him a more attractive suitor to the ladies with disabilities that he would meet. If he can score a movie date, steal a kiss, hold hands, even hug and pet, more power to him. But that should occur as part of an overall progression where he is coached and encouraged to grow and take on as much independence as possible. Sex shouldn't even enter into the discussion, unless and until he has achieved all these other things.

Mom means well, but she's smothering him, and not providing the kind of assistance he needs. My two cents from someone who worked with such individuals for several years.

I agree with you.

I think it is somewhat telling that the mother said she wants him to have a physical relationship and enjoy the things that others [men] do.

I would have no problem if she was trying to take care of her son by looking out for his best interests; and she no doubt thinks that she is, but what he needs is the constant, consistent love in 1 cor 13. {But then, we all need that.}

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