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Karl Rove Is the Father of Anna Nicole's Baby
New Media Journal ^ | 3/29/2007 | Brian Cherry

Posted on 03/29/2007 6:36:28 AM PDT by SunSetSam

Karl Rove fathered Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. In an unforgettable night fueled by alcohol, lust, a lion tamer outfit, a failed attempt to freebase "Sweettarts", an Al Franken blow-up doll and some crimes against nature with a very confused puffer fish, Karl fathered her child. I think we should all be ashamed of Mr. Rove (how much is she worth again?).

Now, admittedly, there is no crime in having sex with Anna Nicole Smith. If that were illegal most of the Western Hemisphere’s male population would be perp walked into a future of Federal incarceration that includes forced labor, strained peas and the sort of orange jumpsuit that even Elvis would consider garish. Whether or not there is a crime here, there is definitely something suspicious going on.

Karl Rove is a portly, yet healthy straight male capable of fathering children. Anna Nicole’s sexuality pendulum had swung back to heterosexual for a time and they were both in and around the vicinity of North America when a currently anonymous sperm cell said “Howdy Do” to one of Anna’s eggs. So it is possible that Karl is the father.

Only a public hearing, with Karl under oath, will get to the bottom of the question about whether or not Mr. Rove got to the bottom of Ms. Smith.

On the face of it, the idea that Karl Rove would even be in the same room as the promiscuous Ms. Smith is ridiculous for two reasons. First Karl is a gentleman who is probably smart enough not to touch women of her sort without rubber gloves and Bactine handy. Second, Anna seems to have a thing for sleazy lawyers of the “Ambulance Chaser” variety. With that said, perhaps we should open hearings about where John Edwards was when Smith’s latest offspring was conceived. This is where we are in the modern political climate though. Regardless of the issue, the Democrats want Karl Rove testifying under oath.

Whether or not a crime has been committed is completely irrelevant. It was not a crime to utter Valerie Plame’s name. Not only was she not a covert operative, but she spent most of her professional career doing everything short of wearing a button on her jacket that stated “Ask me about my CIA job!” to call attention to her position. This fact didn’t matter. Liberals demanded that Rove testify in this case and giddily waited for an indictment to be handed down for the key Bush political advisor. There were nearly riots in blue states when even the Democrats, hand picked special prosecutor couldn’t find a reason to go after Karl.


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: annanicolesmith; attorney; firings; karlrove; rymb
LOL...good stuff
1 posted on 03/29/2007 6:36:30 AM PDT by SunSetSam
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To: SunSetSam

I heard, that in not wanting to miss jumping on a bandwagon, Hillary Clinton claimed paternity in this case... :)


2 posted on 03/29/2007 6:37:47 AM PDT by Keith in Iowa (Attention Liberals! Shhhh, listen closely! That's the sound of nobody caring what you think!)
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To: SunSetSam

News to me. I thought Hillary was the father of Anna's kid.


3 posted on 03/29/2007 6:38:00 AM PDT by LIConFem (Fred Thompson 2008. Lifetime ACU Rating: 86 -- Duncan Hunter 2008 (VP) ACUR: 92)
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To: SunSetSam

Karl you......


4 posted on 03/29/2007 6:38:13 AM PDT by bmwcyle (Freep Fox they drop the ball on GOE)
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To: Keith in Iowa
Darn you!!

;o)
5 posted on 03/29/2007 6:38:27 AM PDT by LIConFem (Fred Thompson 2008. Lifetime ACU Rating: 86 -- Duncan Hunter 2008 (VP) ACUR: 92)
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To: SunSetSam

Rove wouldn't have impressed her with his RAP act.


6 posted on 03/29/2007 6:38:36 AM PDT by AU72
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To: SunSetSam
I'm glad that's over.
7 posted on 03/29/2007 6:38:37 AM PDT by period end of story (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.)
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To: Keith in Iowa

Ouch!


8 posted on 03/29/2007 6:39:56 AM PDT by wastedyears ("These colours don't run, from cold bloody war." - Steve Harris, Bruce Dickinson)
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To: Lazamataz

C.R.Y.M.B. Ping?


9 posted on 03/29/2007 6:40:25 AM PDT by Rightly Biased (Courage is not the lack of fear it is acting in spite of it<><)
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To: SunSetSam

Rove! You Magnificent Bastard!!


10 posted on 03/29/2007 6:40:39 AM PDT by Bean Counter (Stout Hearts...)
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To: SunSetSam
everything short of wearing a button on her jacket that stated “Ask me about my CIA job!”

LOL! I nearly lost my coffee reading that line.
11 posted on 03/29/2007 6:40:42 AM PDT by CertainInalienableRights
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To: wastedyears

I only posted an excerpt, and am lost how to go back and edit this so it is listed as only an excerpt. HELP!!!!!


12 posted on 03/29/2007 6:41:21 AM PDT by SunSetSam
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To: SunSetSam

Karl Rove is their target. Get him under oath in front of cameras no matter what the cost.
Where were you on the night of January 16th? Who killed Cock Robin? Were you on the Grassy Knoll? What do you know about Pearl Harbor? Have you ever worked for NASA Space Shuttle program?............


13 posted on 03/29/2007 6:43:03 AM PDT by Red Badger (If it's consensus, it's not science. If it's science, there's no need for consensus......)
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To: SunSetSam

Only the mods have that power.


14 posted on 03/29/2007 6:43:26 AM PDT by period end of story (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.)
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To: SunSetSam

He has more than a few good points....


15 posted on 03/29/2007 6:44:27 AM PDT by Bean Counter (Stout Hearts...)
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To: SunSetSam

Darn, I thought fur sure it was Ted Kennedy !!!!


16 posted on 03/29/2007 6:44:34 AM PDT by Kimmers (Coram Deo)
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To: period end of story

Dang, well the whole thing is pretty good.


17 posted on 03/29/2007 6:45:31 AM PDT by SunSetSam
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To: Kimmers
Darn, I thought fur sure it was Ted Kennedy !!!!

Is he still capable?

18 posted on 03/29/2007 6:46:24 AM PDT by period end of story (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.)
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To: SunSetSam
a failed attempt to freebase "Sweettarts",

Funny.

19 posted on 03/29/2007 6:47:19 AM PDT by zarf (Her hair was of a dank yellow, and fell over her temples like sauerkraut......)
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To: period end of story
Good question, better living through pharmaceuticals I say.
20 posted on 03/29/2007 6:47:51 AM PDT by Kimmers (Coram Deo)
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To: SunSetSam

really funny


21 posted on 03/29/2007 6:52:38 AM PDT by tkathy
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To: Kimmers

Even Anna Nicole had some standards


22 posted on 03/29/2007 6:53:08 AM PDT by sticker
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To: Rightly Biased

That WOULD make him a Magnificent Bastard.


23 posted on 03/29/2007 6:54:17 AM PDT by Lazamataz (God: Always in All Ways.)
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To: sticker

giggle...


24 posted on 03/29/2007 6:56:42 AM PDT by Kimmers (Coram Deo)
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To: Lazamataz
That WOULD make him a Magnificent Bastard.

And a Magnificent Bastard's, bastard son/daughter.

25 posted on 03/29/2007 6:57:48 AM PDT by period end of story (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.)
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To: period end of story

Daughter.

Unless there's another surprise.


26 posted on 03/29/2007 7:00:16 AM PDT by period end of story (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right.)
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To: SunSetSam
Why did you post an excerpt? New Media Journal is not on the list.
27 posted on 03/29/2007 7:14:34 AM PDT by upchuck (A living, breathing example of the Peter Principle. Oh, forgetful, too :)
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To: period end of story

Well seeing as I screwed up, and only put part of the article up, and didnt label it as an excerpt. Here is the whole thing. Hopefully the FR folks will have mercy on my soul.



Karl Rove fathered Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. In an unforgettable night fueled by alcohol, lust, a lion tamer outfit, a failed attempt to freebase "Sweettarts", an Al Franken blow-up doll and some crimes against nature with a very confused puffer fish, Karl fathered her child. I think we should all be ashamed of Mr. Rove (how much is she worth again?).

Now, admittedly, there is no crime in having sex with Anna Nicole Smith. If that were illegal most of the Western Hemisphere’s male population would be perp walked into a future of Federal incarceration that includes forced labor, strained peas and the sort of orange jumpsuit that even Elvis would consider garish. Whether or not there is a crime here, there is definitely something suspicious going on.

Karl Rove is a portly, yet healthy straight male capable of fathering children. Anna Nicole’s sexuality pendulum had swung back to heterosexual for a time and they were both in and around the vicinity of North America when a currently anonymous sperm cell said “Howdy Do” to one of Anna’s eggs. So it is possible that Karl is the father.

Only a public hearing, with Karl under oath, will get to the bottom of the question about whether or not Mr. Rove got to the bottom of Ms. Smith.

On the face of it, the idea that Karl Rove would even be in the same room as the promiscuous Ms. Smith is ridiculous for two reasons. First Karl is a gentleman who is probably smart enough not to touch women of her sort without rubber gloves and Bactine handy. Second, Anna seems to have a thing for sleazy lawyers of the “Ambulance Chaser” variety. With that said, perhaps we should open hearings about where John Edwards was when Smith’s latest offspring was conceived. This is where we are in the modern political climate though. Regardless of the issue, the Democrats want Karl Rove testifying under oath.

Whether or not a crime has been committed is completely irrelevant. It was not a crime to utter Valerie Plame’s name. Not only was she not a covert operative, but she spent most of her professional career doing everything short of wearing a button on her jacket that stated “Ask me about my CIA job!” to call attention to her position. This fact didn’t matter. Liberals demanded that Rove testify in this case and giddily waited for an indictment to be handed down for the key Bush political advisor. There were nearly riots in blue states when even the Democrats, hand picked special prosecutor couldn’t find a reason to go after Karl.

Congressional Democrat’s are now screaming for Rove to testify over the firing of 8 US Attorneys. Even those demanding that a show trial be held on this issue agree that no crime has been committed and that US Attorneys serve at the pleasure of the President. In other words, he doesn’t need a reason to get rid of them. He could fire them for not wearing a Stetson while driving through Oklahoma or for simply being ugly. It is not a crime they are interested in, it is the testimony under oath they are after.

Why they want Karl to raise his right hand and swear to God (ironically, one that liberals don’t believe in) that he will tell the truth, means that Democrats can tag-team grill this guy for hours and hours. If during his testimony he makes any error like forgetting that he had dinner at Bennigan’s on August 17th of 2002 or mistakes Barbara Boxer for a heterosexual, they can slap a perjury charge or some other procedural crime on him. That is the goal.

Once they have manufactured their crime based on nothing more than a fatigue fueled memory lapse, they can get a sympathetic special prosecutor and a DC jury (one which leans heavily to the left) to cancel out Rove before 2008 with a conviction. Anyone who doubts this fact should remember that Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald could not find any actual crime in the “leaking” of Plame’s McJob with the CIA.

On top of this, the Scooter Libby jury was lead by a journalist who has a verifiable track record of Democrat support, a financial interest in a guilty verdict (he is working on a book and has sold articles about his experience on the jury) and the sort of personal ties to witnesses in the case that would be considered a conflict of interests in any other trial.

It wasn’t important that Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage was exposed as the leak by the Associated Press and Newsweek; a fact supported by the Justice Department. Fitzgerald exhausted Libby, during endless Grand Jury testimony, into making the sort of mistake they could prosecute him over. This is now the template for how they will deal with those who serve the Bush Administration.

Oddly enough this method of exhausting people during interrogations is exactly the sort of tactics that these very same Democrats are calling torture when used against our Islamic enemies and citing as the reason that Gitmo should be closed. Apparently torture is okay in their books if you have an R after your name and don’t pray to Allah.

In the grand scheme of things you really can’t blame the Democrats for trying to cancel Rove out. He already has Al Gore’s and John Kerry’s head proudly displayed on his mantle; the liberals desperately want this guy gone before he can add Hillary’s or Barack’s noggin to the collection.

Seeing as there are no real crimes to chase, get used to Dems demanding hearing after hearing, and that Rove testify under oath for such issues as: What was Karl doing during the Roswell incident? Was Karl standing in the grassy knoll when Kennedy was shot? Was it really Rove and not Ted Kennedy who drowned Mary Jo Kopechne? Why do Rove and Karl Marx both spell their first name with a K? Was Karl Rove behind writing that Gwen Stefani song where she gives us a spelling lesson about the word banana? You get the point.


28 posted on 03/29/2007 7:15:10 AM PDT by SunSetSam
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To: upchuck

I posted an excerpt by accident. I mistakenly didnt copy the entire article, and didnt notice until after I posted it. There was no way to go back and list it as simply an excerpt. It was a chain of events that equates to one big blonde moment (well before my hair started abandoning ship, it would have been a blonde moment)


29 posted on 03/29/2007 7:34:34 AM PDT by SunSetSam
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To: SunSetSam

MC Rove!


30 posted on 03/29/2007 10:27:32 AM PDT by SmoothTalker
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To: SmoothTalker

31 posted on 03/29/2007 12:03:33 PM PDT by seanmerc
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To: SmoothTalker
For old times' sake...
32 posted on 03/29/2007 12:13:21 PM PDT by seanmerc
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