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Corn Fed Venison - It Looked Good On Paper!
West Virginia Blogger ^ | 3/12/08

Posted on 05/30/2008 6:04:37 PM PDT by LibWhacker

As I sit here behind this laptop, I now realize that this definitely wasn’t the brightest idea I have ever had. I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it…took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer– no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.


TOPICS: Humor; Outdoors; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: deer; hunting; rope; venison

1 posted on 05/30/2008 6:07:11 PM PDT by LibWhacker
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To: CH3CN

Ping. You and your significant other will enjoy this thread!


2 posted on 05/30/2008 6:11:47 PM PDT by Prov3456
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To: LibWhacker

I am told that deer have amazing memories. He will tell his doe, and they will tell all their babies about YOU. And it will be handed down to generations and generations. If I were you, I’d never leave the house again.

(Funny stuff, LW.)


3 posted on 05/30/2008 6:18:27 PM PDT by kitkat (Over the Hill(ary))
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To: LibWhacker

I think I peed my pants at this!!

Great stuff, I will never try to rope a deer.


4 posted on 05/30/2008 6:19:45 PM PDT by Southerngl
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To: LibWhacker

Still chuckling! Thanks!


5 posted on 05/30/2008 6:25:21 PM PDT by redhead (I used to be an anarchist, but I quit--too many rules.)
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To: LibWhacker

LOL! That’s a great story!


6 posted on 05/30/2008 6:36:39 PM PDT by alicewonders (I'm a conservative, and I'm hated by the GOP & the Dems - I must be doing something right!)
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To: LibWhacker

The mistake was the rope; what you really wanted was that basic three punch combination of Duran’s, jab, straight right, and then a left hook to the liver.


7 posted on 05/30/2008 6:40:08 PM PDT by wendy1946
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To: LibWhacker

Many folks round here plant corn on their rural properties, JUST for the deer which they intend to hunt in season. I don’t know if it really makes the venison better, but a moose did bite my sister once.


8 posted on 05/30/2008 6:40:12 PM PDT by nkycincinnatikid
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To: LibWhacker

Glad he saved the rope...just too funny.


9 posted on 05/30/2008 6:42:30 PM PDT by crazyhorse691 (With McCain around we can proudly proclaim, WE ARE SO SCREWED)
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To: Southerngl
I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

LOL!!

10 posted on 05/30/2008 6:44:23 PM PDT by Orange1998
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To: LibWhacker

Thank you! I laughed pretty hard!


11 posted on 05/30/2008 6:50:44 PM PDT by BBell
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To: LibWhacker

LOL!!!

Here... Hold mah beer...


12 posted on 05/30/2008 6:51:01 PM PDT by roamer_1 (Globalism is just Socialism in a business suit.)
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To: SLB; Squantos; Eaker; humblegunner; Joe Brower; Vigilantcitizen

I’m cryin’ here. LOL!


13 posted on 05/30/2008 6:51:57 PM PDT by FreedomPoster (<===Non-bitter, Gun-totin', Typical White American)
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To: nkycincinnatikid
"Many folks round here plant corn on their rural properties, JUST for the deer which they intend to hunt in season. I don’t know if it really makes the venison better, but a moose did bite my sister once."

Don't forget the big "Sugar Daddy" style deer lollipops they put out, too.

14 posted on 05/30/2008 6:53:14 PM PDT by redhead (I used to be an anarchist, but I quit--too many rules.)
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To: LibWhacker

The redneck Dave Barry. That is some funny stuff.


15 posted on 05/30/2008 6:54:48 PM PDT by MediaMole
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To: Diana in Wisconsin

Read and heed!


16 posted on 05/30/2008 6:55:56 PM PDT by Jet Jaguar (Who would the terrorists vote for?)
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To: nkycincinnatikid
A giraffe hocked a bread-laden loogie on me at the Baltimore zoo when I was 5. In front of everyone. And I've been cultivating a deep-rooted hatred for those unclean bastards for the last forty years.


17 posted on 05/30/2008 6:56:33 PM PDT by Viking2002 (Paul Krugman: Conscience Of A Crapweasel. (For lack of a better tagline at the moment.)
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To: LibWhacker
There is so much wrong with this story legally, ethically, morally and intuitively.

But I'll join in anyway and post this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khKrd1RNy2U&NR=1

Best regards,

18 posted on 05/30/2008 7:04:27 PM PDT by Copernicus (California Grandmother view on Gun Control http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=7CCB40F421ED4819)
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To: Viking2002

Don’t go around llamas either, they have the same talent! A vet friend of ours raised them for a while. When our son was in elementary school one of his friends would ride past their fields on the way to our house, there was a llama there that would wait at the fence for the little guy to pass by on his bicycle and hawk a big old loogy right at him. A couple of times when my son’s buddy got to our house he had to hose off his head before he came to the door. This llama could be VERY accurate! At any rate, funny deer story, I’m still laughing!


19 posted on 05/30/2008 7:16:01 PM PDT by fishergirl (My warrior, my soldier, my hero - my son. God bless our troops!)
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To: LibWhacker

Very funny. Good story-telling.


20 posted on 05/30/2008 7:17:00 PM PDT by radiohead (I stood up for Fred at the Iowa Caucus. Where were the rest of you so-called conservatives?)
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To: LibWhacker

This story makes it much easier to watch a deer getting popped at two hundred yards on the hunting shows.

Especially when the hunter is smart enough to go for a neck shot that drops Bambi’s dad in his tracks on the spot.

Only my version TV hunting show would begin, not end, with the climactic moment of deer death. I would call it,

“OK, You Shot it, Now Whatcha Ya Gonna Do with It?”


21 posted on 05/30/2008 7:30:11 PM PDT by elcid1970 (My cartridges are dipped in pig grease.)
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To: Prov3456
Now you know why I carry a 2X4 when I cross the front yard during rutting season. I saw one almost take out a neighbor when she walked out her back door.

Great thread. Thanks for the ping and the laugh.

22 posted on 05/30/2008 7:32:52 PM PDT by CH3CN
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To: LibWhacker

Someone sent me this in an e-mail a couple of months ago. As soon as I saw your post, I started laughing again before I even read it. I decided that maybe I’m sadistic or maybe just warped, but I think this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read, even the second time. Thanks for another good laugh.


23 posted on 05/30/2008 7:34:18 PM PDT by penowa
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To: FreedomPoster; Eaker

Eaker finally tells his story.......


24 posted on 05/30/2008 8:15:35 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet)
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To: Squantos

In my defense the deer belonged to a gang.

Had a foul mouth on him too. Cussed a blue streak!


25 posted on 05/30/2008 9:03:26 PM PDT by Eaker (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to have TheMom kill everyone you meet.)
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To: LibWhacker
LOL Someone told me about a deer that attacked them once. She was driving her car one night and saw a deer near the road and stopped her car to wait and see what the thing would do. (Assuming it would wait until she was right on top of it before jumping out in the road.) She waited for a second and the deer just looked at her. Finally, she honked her horn and the thing attacked her car, jumping on the hood of the ending and creating significant damage.

Then she had to explain it to her insurance company. LOL

26 posted on 05/30/2008 10:29:40 PM PDT by TNdandelion ("I'm down to my last toilet paper tube!")
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To: Viking2002

The consequences of a giraffe clearing its throat are simply beyond imagining for the rest of us.


27 posted on 05/31/2008 5:23:56 AM PDT by nkycincinnatikid
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To: Jet Jaguar

LOL! Thanks for the ping. Is the author REALLY that stupid? ;)


28 posted on 05/31/2008 5:58:47 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: SJackson

Read this one? :)


29 posted on 05/31/2008 6:01:40 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Copernicus

“To liven things up, they decided to make a video.” Somehow, afterward I think they wish they had made the other kind.


30 posted on 05/31/2008 11:42:38 AM PDT by gracie1 (Why can't I pay my visa with my mastercard?)
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To: LibWhacker
I was doing OK until I read this now my tummy has a laugh-ache.
31 posted on 05/31/2008 12:25:16 PM PDT by fella (Is he or is he murtadd? Only his iman knows for sure.)
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To: Iowa Granny; Ladysmith; Diana in Wisconsin; JLO; sergeantdave; damncat; phantomworker; joesnuffy; ..

If you’d like to be on or off this Upper Midwest/outdoors/rural list please FR mail me. And ping me is you see articles of interest.


32 posted on 06/01/2008 6:55:11 AM PDT by SJackson (It is impossible to build a peace process based on blood, Natan Sharansky)
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To: SJackson

This is such a great story. Gave me a great laugh!

Ray Stevens or somebody did a song about hitting a deer with his car, putting (what he thought was) the dead deer in the back seat, and ending up in jail.


33 posted on 06/01/2008 7:06:08 AM PDT by Judith Anne
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To: SJackson

Thanks! Passin’ this one on.


34 posted on 06/01/2008 7:18:01 AM PDT by wizr (Your life is God's gift to you. How you live it is your gift to Him.)
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To: LibWhacker

All that adrenalin toughens the meat.


35 posted on 06/01/2008 7:20:50 AM PDT by Petronski (Scripture & Tradition must be accepted & honored w/equal sentiments of devotion & reverence. CCC 82)
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To: SJackson; LibWhacker

Funny thread!
Thanks for the ping!


36 posted on 06/01/2008 7:40:09 AM PDT by MaryFromMichigan
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To: Diana in Wisconsin
Thanks. A year or two ago there was a thread about a guy who roped a black bear, not intentionally. Quite funny.

Aside from the foolishness of the project, had he been successful I'd speculate he'd be in store for some substantial fines if his unlicensed game farm, stocked from the wild, came to light.

37 posted on 06/01/2008 8:00:31 AM PDT by SJackson (It is impossible to build a peace process based on blood, Natan Sharansky)
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To: Judith Anne

On Bob & Tom radio show they used to play a song based on a real 911 call. Someone had hit a deer with his car and thought “hey, free meat!” He wrestled the deer into the back of the car and drove off. The deer was only knocked out though. It woke up kicking and biting! The bit includes a guy on the phone going “I need a bambalance! This m*@!?&%$#ing deer is bitting my a$$!”


38 posted on 06/01/2008 2:18:42 PM PDT by gracie1 (Why can't I pay my visa with my mastercard?)
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To: SJackson

Tanks fer da ping, der hey. This is a good (and funny) story of how Bambi ain’t such a pushover after all. How anyone who spends any time outdoors with deer thinks that they’re all sweetness and light, is beyond me. And yes, corn fed deer make for fine eating.


39 posted on 06/01/2008 7:30:27 PM PDT by 50cal Smokepole (For Sale: Taliban rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.)
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To: SJackson

Thanks for the ping, I enjoyed laughing.


40 posted on 06/01/2008 7:39:47 PM PDT by nw_arizona_granny ( http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1990507/posts?page=451 SURVIVAL, RECIPES, GARDENS, & INFO)
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To: LibWhacker; DAVEY CROCKETT; Calpernia; MamaDearest; gardengirl; Velveeta

LibWacker has posted one of the funniest stories that I have read in a long time.


41 posted on 06/01/2008 7:43:05 PM PDT by nw_arizona_granny ( http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1990507/posts?page=451 SURVIVAL, RECIPES, GARDENS, & INFO)
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To: LucyT

Fun article.....lots of laughter.


42 posted on 06/01/2008 7:44:29 PM PDT by nw_arizona_granny ( http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1990507/posts?page=451 SURVIVAL, RECIPES, GARDENS, & INFO)
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To: nw_arizona_granny; Diana in Wisconsin; Gabz

Thanks for the ping! For a bout a 5 year streak, hubby hit at least one deer a year with the car. The ins co got to the point where they’d just say—take the car to this garage—and write us a check. The one year he tried to avoid a whole herd of them on the road, he ended up upside down in a canal. No more being nice—take them out!

We have lots of deer hunters around here—including hubby. Obviously NOT doing their job! LOL

The one and only deer I hit was with a new car we’d had about 3 weeks. Up on the hood, close to the windshield, and of course it didn’t kill it. About 11:00 at night, picking hubby up from work. 2 year old in the back seat going mommy, you not opposed to hit the deer. I’m in tears, more about the car thna the stupid @#$! deer, and hubby is laughing his a$$ off. The only good deer is in my freezer or my frying pan!


43 posted on 06/02/2008 3:21:29 AM PDT by gardengirl
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To: SJackson

Hah! Funny story!


44 posted on 06/02/2008 4:35:04 AM PDT by caver (Yes, I did crawl out of a hole in the ground.)
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To: gardengirl

“The only good deer is in my freezer or my frying pan!”

They’re just tall, tasty “rabbits,” IMHO.

(I’m hungry for Pepper Steak now, LOL!)


45 posted on 06/02/2008 6:47:52 AM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: gardengirl

We don’t have that many deers here, but for years, were an open range and I had a big black bull run into and ruin my Chrysler that I was really enjoying.

The insurance company said it must have been the ranchers ‘prize’ bull, as it cost them that much.

Tell the husband to skip deer hunting with the car, it is more fun with a gun.


46 posted on 06/02/2008 8:30:40 AM PDT by nw_arizona_granny ( http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/1990507/posts?page=451 SURVIVAL, RECIPES, GARDENS, & INFO)
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To: Diana in Wisconsin

Rabbits have too many fleas around here, and for years there weren’t any rabbits. Now we’re overrun with the stupid things. Pepper steak would be good! So would roast, country fried, stew.... LOL


47 posted on 06/02/2008 9:07:46 AM PDT by gardengirl
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To: nw_arizona_granny

Rats with antlers! We’re overrun with the stupid things! Hubby does hunt but he has much better success with the car! LOL


48 posted on 06/02/2008 9:12:02 AM PDT by gardengirl
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