I would go to the range with her and have her try a few: too many variables, some not very obvious, to consider.
Short answer: Glock 19.
It just works, small without being too small, big enough to do the job.
Long answer: take a course in armed self-defense, learn what factors apply and how they fit your needs, try lots of options, and buy what best fits you.
If you simply MUST have a semi auto, I’d recommend something that was double action...no “cocked and locked” mess. Something that you don’t ever even need to turn the safety on or off. Grab the gun, pull the trigger and it goes “bang”. No fumbling around with safeties. (I absolutely detest them). Beyond that, I couldn’t recommend a specific gun. Try out a bunch and see what fits your hand best and which one works best for you.
Of course just for my own opinion, I’d say buy a nice used S&W model 10....
When my daughter and I went to the Sheriff’s Department for a handgun purchase license, the grandfatherly deputy suggested a double-action revolver for small women looking for a self-defense gun. Point and shoot, as another poster said, and you’re not likely to need accuracy at great distance.
Home defense? Why did he get a semi-auto rifle? First choice for home defense is always a shotgun. Accept no substitute.
Every CCW instructor you meet will sneer at anything else.
Go to a gun range which rents handguns and try out a bunch which interest you.
I was originally thinking of getting a SIG but didn't like the way it shot for me.
Tried out a Kimber 1911 .45 and liked it so much I bought one two weeks later.
The better you like it, the more you will shoot it and thus be more confident in a potental combat situation.
Try the M&P Series from Smith&Wesson. It has a compact model if your more comfortable with a smaller gun. Also, you have a choice of backstrap sizes for the grip. It comes in a variety of calibers and is pretty reasonably priced, as well.
If I might differ, I just bought the Smith and Wesson SWVE 9mm. It’s so similar to the Glock that they got sued over it, yet it was $200 cheaper than the Glock was. 15+1 shots should be plenty.
My wife prefers a single stack 1911 in .45ACP, but you really should try before you buy.
Smith & Wesson Sigma 40VE.
Got one, love it!
Also own a Springfield Armory 1911-A .45 Loaded model. Too large for concealed carry, but I very much enjoy and appreciate this weapon. Nice fit for smallish hands too.
Finally, have an older model Ruger .22 LR. This is great fun for inexpensive plinking at the range. It is a beast to field strip, and absolutely last choice for personal defense.
Hand guns should always have a caliber that begins in 4 if it is for self protection.
2 and 3’s are best for target practice and hunting small game.
Find a range that rents guns. Go the range, find a weapon you’re happy with.
Personally, I’d ditch the Auto requirement and go for the Ruger LCR. Its light, comfortable, easy to use, and safe. The .38 is a perfectly adequate round, especially with all new fangled ammo they make in that caliber. If you get a concealed carry permit, it is compact, easy to carry and easy to bring into action.
1911
.22 LR revolver .... and LOTS of ammo for practice until she could shoot very accurately. BTW, it would not be a bad idea for you to get some extra practice in as well. In top form, I can hold a 3” circle at 10 yards with aimed fire and my .45. This is because I have put in the time and LOTS of practice. There are those that are WAY better than me so I don’t even think about shooting competition. I’m not saying that everyone NEEDS to get that good, but holding 6” at 5 yards would be a good start.
Then “work” your friends by asking them to let her test fire their hardware. Your wife will quickly gravitate to a grip / action / caliber that works for her. DO NOT ASSUME YOU KNOW BEST! DO NOT ASSUME YOUR FRIENDS KNOW BEST!
Think about how you would feel if someone came to you and said that you need to use this gun and it did not feel right in your hand. Same with her.
Don't let anybody ... not even the clueless dorks infallible experts on this forum ... tell you which gun you should buy. They don't know.
Go to a commercial range. Many of them offer pistols for rent to use on their premises. Try several; some will feel better in your hands than others. Find one or more that you like, that you're comfortable with, and that you can shoot well.
Then ... ask the "infallible experts" for their experiences regarding manufacturing quality, longevity, etc of the ones you like. This information can be useful in selecting which of the pistols that you like would be the best to buy first.
“I shoot more consistently with a handgun.”
I’ll bet you shoot more consistently with a handgun at the range than in your house. ;^)
Home defense is a much different environment than the street. Especially if there are childern or house guests and its dark and people are screaming or crying and there are a lot of strange noises.
So my point is you should not be thinking in terms of overwhelming firepower, but a minimum of reliable, well placed rounds.
A female in my family gets a .38 revolver with a high performance load.
Unless you intend to devote a lot of time money and effort to becoming an excellent marksman, stick to a revolver. The average person is much more accurate with revolvers than autos. They are also much less likely to malfunction if you are not a “hard holder”.