Unfortunate Album Art
Posted on 03/27/2010 9:16:58 PM PDT by smokingfrog
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A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”
A man was walking with his wife in a park when they came upon a large Koi pond with a wooden bridge over it.
He turned to his wife and said, “Oh look, honey. A bridge over the river Koi!”
THE WIENER AND THE MOVIE
I went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dachsie cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dachsie laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen,” I said. “That dachshund really seemed to enjoy the film.” The man turned to me and said, “Yeah, it is. He hated the book.”
My dear wife —who’a technically a professional comedian— is far better at this than I. Thus, over the years I’ve had to gird myself in “defense”, become a counterPuncher, as it were...
I’m actually also confined to a wheelchair, so stand-up is out of the question anyway...
(I do wish that Joe B. would stop calling me ‘Chuck’ though)
What did the duck say to the prostitute?
“Just put it on my bill!”
The Yankees were playing there dreaded rivals, the Red Sox, for the league championship. The Red Sox had their ace pitcher, 20 game winner and league MVP, Mel Famey, on the mound.
Things did not go well for the Sox. Famey, normally a pitcher with pinpoint control, walked 9 batters, including the Yanks’ winning run in the ninth.
After the game, the Yanks’ manager was asked if he had any idea why Famey was so wild.
“I know for a fact Mel was out drinking beer last night,” said the Yanks manager.
The reporter responded, “Mel drinks every night before a game. Why should last night be any different?”
“Because,” said the manager,”this time he drank Schlitz, and everyone knows that Schlitz is the beer that made Mel Famey walk us.”
Unfortunate Album Art
A few scripture puns (groan away!):
What kind of car did God drive?
A Plymoth – God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in His Fury.
What was the fist recorded auto accident recorded in history?
Saul drove his Javelin into the wall.
King David’s motorcycle?
The roar of David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land.
What kind of car did the apostles drive?
A Honda – the apostles were all together in one Accord. (had to be kinda crowded)
:-D
Every day a herring and a whale walk into the same bar at the same time. Then one day, the herring walks in alone. The barkeep asks the herring, “Hey, where’s your friend today?”.
The herring says, “What, am I my blubber’s kipper?”.
I figured God would drive a Chrysler.
An eskimo and his wife went fishing one day in their boat. She was an incessant blubbermouth. Finally he couldn`t take it any more and said, “For kayakking out loud!”
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