Protectors, predators, and peter pans--a five post day

supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.co.uk ^ | 5-17-2012 | Supertradmum

[servo1969]

Protectors, predators, and peter pans--a five post day

This is a five post day, so scroll down for all the goodies. Before I move on to something else, I have been thinking of raising Catholic boys to be men again, as I consider working in schools again as a substitute teacher. I always end up teaching boys....hmm. I teach boys to be men.

There are three categories of men: Protectors, Predators and Peter Pans. Now, young boys learn to be one of these types. I want to write about this from my own experience in teaching, observing and being in Confirmation prep, which, interestingly enough, allows one to watch the maturation or not of young people becoming responsible about their spiritual lives.


That phrase "becoming responsible" is the key and what every good Catholic mum wants her boys and girls to be. We raise children to become independent, responsible, with properly formed consciences and so on.


Sanctifying grace informs the virtues given through baptism, but these virtues must be accepted, trained, practiced, as in sailing a boat or being an accomplished painter. One can have gifts one never uses. Let me outline the three men types, starting with the best.


The Protector is the man who realizes that one of his responsibilities in life as a man is to protect a wife and family, or, in extension, as with a monk, a community, or a parish priest, a parish, or as a bishop, an entire diocese. 

The Protector learns to live the virtues, given to him by God through the sacraments. He embraces his role in the world as a protector, being full of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, such as counsel, knowledge, wisdom,piety and the four cardinal or moral virtues, fortitude, temperance, prudence and justice. Such virtues as perseverance or fortitude, and temperance are necessary daily habits, as well as the others. Of course, the first three Theological Virtues, Faith, Hope and Charity, are a given. The Protector lives the virtuous life and teaches those around him to do likewise. The man who is a Protector also knows that he must be the wage-earner, the provider, the champion of the weak and helpless.


The Predator is a narcissist who only thinks of his own pleasure and needs. He looks on women and even other men totally from his viewpoint of what he can gain from these victims, or objects. The Predator is a sexual or military aggressor. So many women do not recognize the traits-bullying is one of the most obvious.But other Predator traits include selfishness, deceit, and a lack of self-mastery.


The Peter Pan has not grown up and lives either in the malaise of victim-hood (see my January post) or in the false security of irresponsible childhood. This type of man never grows up, wants to be taken care of and does not want children or any stake in the world, of which he is afraid. Frequently, the PP only engages in self-sex, that is masturbation, a sign of his immaturity and selfishness.

Catholic parents build character in their children at home. This is one of our primary duties. We look for the opportunities to instill personal responsibility and success. We watch for the signs of maturation. We try and help the male persons in our families grow into Protectors, rather than Predators and Peter Pans. When a good father is eyeing the young men who come to date his girls, he should be able to tell immediately whether the young or not-so-young men are Protectors, Predators, or Peter Pans.


Many women have not found a Protector. These men, real men, are rare indeed, as society has preferred to nurture Predators and Peter Pans, who are politically more pliable. Only Protectors live the Catholic virtues. I pray for my sisters in Christ who, sadly, have not been married or had children, or who are lonely in this big, bad world for the lack of Protectors. Many of us go directly to God, His Son, and the Holy Spirit for our Protection. 


I think of St. Joseph. He was the Protector par excellence. Many other saints show that they were Protectors. I think of Blessed Louis Martin, St. and King Henry, St. Thomas More, and even unmarried Protectors, such as St. Pius IX, St. Bernard of Clairvaux, St. Philip Neri. St. Damien of Molokai, and many others.There is a saying going around the Net:

Real Men do not love the most beautiful women in the world. A real man loves the woman who can make his world beautiful...that is the attitude of a Protector.


St. Paul said, Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it- see 5:25-in the Letter to the Ephesians. 


Bishop Jenky is a Protector. Those monks above are Protectors. The Catholic Men in England in the 1950s are Protectors. St. Joseph is the Protector. Do you know a Protector? Sisters, pray for at least one in your life, and if you find him, love and cherish him. He is one of a rare breed.

[servo1969]

I'm not catholic so some of the references in this post are a little foggy to me. But I definitely understand the main points of this article.

I have two little foster children right now. Both boys, a 5 and 6 year old. They've had a rough time with their real mother and father. Their father, currently a guest of the state, is a perfect example of doing everything wrong. Their mother loves them but the drugs have her, and she knows she can't take care of herself and them at the same time. We're going to adopt them if everything turns out right. I think about my responsibility to raise them to be healthy, happy grown men all day long. I want them to be able to make it in life. To be able to go as far as their talents will take them.

One of my guiding thoughts is "By the time they turn 18, they should be completely self-sufficient." In other words, if we drop dead they will be able to take care of themselves. Open a bank account, pass a job interview, show up for work every day, save up to by a car or house, start a business, fix their own vehicles, know how to fish, hunt, and grow a garden, etc. I want them to be Protectors.

I'm not naive. I know that it may not work out as I plan. I read something a long time ago. I think it was in a book by John Rosemond. He said parents need to realize there is absolutely nothing they can do to guaranty with 100% certainty that one of their babies will not grow up to rob a bank, or be a mass murderer, or a spouse abuser, a pornographer, or even, G-d forbid, a pedafile. That's because every person born has freewill. Your child will make choices; some good, some terrible. And that's the way life is. You can't change it. So, what can you do? You can influence. You can lead by example. You can create the best invironment possible for them to grow in. But, in the end, it will be up to them. Same as it was for you. So I'm going to try and help them become well adjusted adults. I think it's the best thing I can do for them.

[Pollster1]

I have two little foster children right now. Both boys, a 5 and 6 year old. They've had a rough time with their real mother and father.

That can be tough, much tougher than raising biological children who have not been through that early trauma, but it can be done. I wish you well.

[livius]

There’s no guarantee, but kids do emulate their parents - we’re all programmed to do that. I know somebody here in my town who took in 2 foster kids (brothers) ages 7 and 9, meaning that they had been in the system for some time and their parents (both guests of the state) were seriously dysfunctional so the kids had finally been given up for adoption. He’s in his late 50s so his own kids were already grown, but he and his wife really wanted to do this.

He adopted them and has had them for about 3 years. The first year was very difficult, but things have been improving and, in addition, his other older kids have gotten involved. What you are doing is a great thing, and the kids will respond to it.

Nobody can guarantee how anybody is going to turn out, regardless of how much money or time you have. Wealthy, leisured families have produced many sociopaths or people who dried of drug overdoses at the age of 20, so income is not the deciding factor.

But if it does seem that the child has problems that are beyond you, get help. I knew a family that had adopted 2 Russian orphans, one of whom was fine and the other of whom had what was called “attachment disorder syndrome,” and that child literally tried to kill his brother and threatened his adoptive parents and siblings to the point that they couldn’t sleep at night. The leader of that 2-person invasion in Connecticut that tortured and killed the doctor’s family was a Russian adoptee who had been a problem since his early childhood, so don’t discount this factor and also realize that problems like this are something you can’t deal with on your own.

The family I knew finally had to place the child in long-term care. The whole event seriously disrupted the life of their natural children, who were a couple of years older than the adopted boy.

You sound like a realistic, loving person with realistic goals. God bless you and your family!