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BREAKING NEWS from the North Pole (Parody)
12/7/2012 | Voice reason

Posted on 12/07/2012 4:56:57 AM PST by voicereason

Due to Obamacare requirements Santa (aka Kris Kringle) was forced to put all elves on part-time hours. This change will likely result in a shortage of toys for this Christmas season.

Another challenge to this year's delivery of toys and good cheer comes from animal rights and environment activists. One group is claiming that Santa is treating his reindeer cruelly by forcing them to work throughout the night with only an occasional carrot. The environment crowd is stating that the altitudes at which Santa flies is causing the greenhouse gases produced by his flying reindeer to be infected directly into the atmosphere and causing great harm to the planet.

At this time, no comments were available from either Santa directly or a spokesperson associated with the operation.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: santa

1 posted on 12/07/2012 4:57:02 AM PST by voicereason
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To: voicereason

I suggest tons of coal and switches to be delivered to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave .


2 posted on 12/07/2012 5:12:16 AM PST by Lionheartusa1 (-: Socialism is the equal distribution of misery :-)
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To: voicereason

But it’s still Bush’s fault.


3 posted on 12/07/2012 5:17:04 AM PST by eCSMaster (2012 elections: American Coup d'etat!)
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To: voicereason

All the union elves came to Michigan to fight against right to work.


4 posted on 12/07/2012 5:34:21 AM PST by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: voicereason
The unions are organizing buses to the North Pole to protest
the elves’ working conditions. They are calling for regular shifts, a living wage adjusted for inflation, health benefits and a pension plan (all costly for a work force that is believed to be immortal).

Union spokesmen also indicate they will push the US Congress to designate anti discriminatory workplace protections for elves under the classification “vertically challenged”

Buses are expected to arrive by April

Agriculture Dept inspectors are expected to accompany the group to make sure that Santa has established containment areas for reindeer poop and that deer are not being kept as “pets”. Animals confiscated may be quarantined and euthanized. They will be escorted by Agriculture Security forces armed with hollow point ammunition.

The TSA has received reports of lax security in international shipping, especially electronics and devices such as dolls that toddle and coo. TSA may require that Santa submit to a background check and that he install extra security and package imaging devices. It is expected that no wrapped packages will be permitted for sleigh export.

(Is the North Pole a “right to work” place?)

5 posted on 12/07/2012 5:55:08 AM PST by silverleaf (Age Takes a Toll: Please Have Exact Change)
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To: voicereason

I’ll bet that fat, jolly old white boy is part of the 1%.


6 posted on 12/07/2012 6:03:45 AM PST by almcbean
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To: voicereason

All cookies and snacks left for Santa will require a ‘sin-tax’ that must be filed with the IRS (schedule-H0-H0-H0)Milk, water and diet soda are exempt. Drink containers over 16 oz are prohibited.

Cookies and snacks that are put out for Santa, Santa’s helpers, Reindeer (including Rudolph)et al must have the required Nutritional Facts panel, ingredient listing and allergy disclosures. Failure to do so will result in a fine.


7 posted on 12/07/2012 8:06:16 AM PST by libertarian27 (Check my profile page for the FReeper Online Cookbook 2011)
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