Posted on 05/17/2013 3:07:30 PM PDT by SatinDoll
My nephew and his squeeze are talking marriage. They've been childhood sweethearts since 6th grade - they're now both 21. He wants a 'prenup', a prenuptial agreement, and she's never heard of such a thing. Should they have one?
Some background: they are each others best friend and confidant. When he left his grandfather's house after high school graduation to be more independent and encountered roughened circumstances, she supported him while she worked at WalMart, and together they became partners in a business that failed. Nephew moved back home while she went to school. But that's not all - her mother has been supporting her while she went to community college but Mom's work hours have been reduced and my nephew, who now has a good paying job, will be supporting his girlfriend. There is a lot of history in this relationship
So they're discussing getting married.
My nephew's now happily-married half-brother has an ex-wife, and told his baby half-brother to never marry without first getting a 'prenup'.
He asked me, his spinster Auntie with 6 cats, what he should do. Yeah, right! My first instinct would be to avoid commitment and get another cat, but that wouldn't suffice.
I am requesting the help of the world's most extensive and collective group of knowledge on earth, Free Republic, as I have no experience in the area of marriage. Many Freepers do have a great deal of experience with marriage/divorce.
Any practical advice? I know I'll see lots of puns and jokes, not to mention opinions, but useful advice would be greatly appreciated.
I can’t see how.
I’m afraid it’s going to have to get a lot worse, before it gets better.
Best of luck to our descendants is about all we can hope for right now. The global economic collapse is sure to come, and with it, the jackbooted government control we can’t fight against.
Big brother is here. We pretend we don’t have to bow to him, but we bow anyway.
LOL, I’ve got to stop posting. I’m depressing myself.
Have faith.
(Why is it the agnostic that keeps saying this???)
Correct me if I’ve been misinformed but in Washington after 5 years everything including the protected assets become community assets. I would assume it may end up being my attorney is better than yours thing after 5.
Maybe because something keeps us going, and we decide to call it faith.
Thanks for the encouragement, eh.
You really should have tried that logic course one more time....regardless of how many times you flunked it.
Skip the whole marriage thing and just buy her a house. Saves a great deal of heartache.
I get bursts of energy. Then I lag.
True, because you can never be sure if your spouse will turn on you. Fact. People can change.
At age 21, there is no need for a pre nup unless one of them is rich (i.e. their parents might bequeath them a couple million dollars). Prenups at that age mainly protect the richer spouse from being robbed in case of a divorce.
if both are poor or middle class, then the 50 50 community split of what they earn should rule: The stay at home spouse is entitled to half of the earnings.
For older folks, a pre nup has more to do with their kids. I married a divorced man, and our pre nup said all of his savings went to his kids, not me, in case he died first. Ditto for my kids inheriting my money. That saved a lot of anger from his relatives who were worried I was after his money (even though both of us are docs).
You would stay single rather than get married in today’s society?
Maybe, certainly if the choice was a contract beyond that which God gave us.
Of course, the partner being asked to sign such an agreement can reply with a prenup of their own dictating how the partner in business will define compensation and dictating what will be considered as individual compensation from the business along with committing to making all such individual compensation joint income to the marriage, and so on.
The thing is, if it's a financial joint venture instead of a marriage a prenup is way too little, not way too much.
Other than that, I don't see it.
No need for a prenuptial unless one of the parties is bringing significantly more assets to the marriage than the other, or unless one stands to inherit a lot of money or assets. If they’re both young and broke, a prenuptial will only sound as if they are pre-planning the breakup of the marriage.
I have long believed that the prenuptial serves as truth tests for parties entering a marriage I also think they are from more suitable for the second marriage and not the first.
Hope this was useful. Best wishes.
If he was marrying someone he had known for only a year or two, or if he was worth a lot, he should probably get a pre-nup, in this day and age. People can hide a lot of their personality in the space of only a couple of years. However, you said they’ve been best friends since 6th grade? I mean, just how well does he expect to EVER know her if he doesn’t know her by now? If he has underlying suspicions about her that make him uneasy, he should back off completely. Otherwise take the plunge.
If he asks her for a pre-nup, she is very likely never to quite forgive him for it. (Sort of like suggesting, when your GF gets pregnant, that an abortion would be the best idea ... but then getting married and keeping the baby after all ... but most women will NEVER FORGET that you made the wrong initial call and wanted to kill the baby. Or have them sign a pre-nup. Women remember everything. My own husband made some real boneheaded moves early on that although I’ve never said anything, I’ve never been able to forget. And I *realize* that about myself! LOL!)
I say he should fish or cut bait. Just decide. Does he trust her or not? Now is the time to decide. Then never look back.
Already happened. It doesn't mean that I get to do evil as well.
Quite agree.
Evil perpetrated is on the one doing the evil. If I do evil for evil, does God excuse it on my Judgement Day?
Amen.
And are those odds of divorce increased or decreased if you go into a marriage with a legal document that says “I do not trust you”?
But, seriously; unless you have something to “protect”; what is the point? A lot of this depends upon the state in which you reside. In MY state, if I can show that I owned my business and house prior to the marriage - those are mine. What we split (and rightfully so, IMHO) are what we earned since the marriage.
Like any other business arrangement, if you partner up your garage with Ford - and a year later you feel that your partnership with Ford wasn’t a good one; you don’t walk away with half of Ford’s holdings. You keep what you entered into the business relationship with, Ford keeps what they had - and what is negotiated is what happened during the partnership.
Leave it to the lawyers to screw up a very simple notion. Now we sit in perplexed curiosity and wonder why fewer people are getting married. There are legal reasons to never consider this, and social reasons to bypass this partnership entirely. I believe this all goes back to a bunch of lawyers trying to make themselves “feel good” at the expense of the men (who always get the short end of the deal).
MarkBsnr - Many of us enter into marriage believing marriage is forever, for better or for worse... only to discover one day that, secretly, our spouses had been harboring other designs all along.
So... what about a pre-nuptial agreement that affirms the marriage commitment by including an infidelity clause that applies to both parties? That’s the type of pre-nup I was thinking about. I’d like to see it become the norm among couples because the law today doesn’t take into account the wrongs one spouse can commit on another over and over again.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.