Posted on 05/17/2013 3:07:30 PM PDT by SatinDoll
My nephew and his squeeze are talking marriage. They've been childhood sweethearts since 6th grade - they're now both 21. He wants a 'prenup', a prenuptial agreement, and she's never heard of such a thing. Should they have one?
Some background: they are each others best friend and confidant. When he left his grandfather's house after high school graduation to be more independent and encountered roughened circumstances, she supported him while she worked at WalMart, and together they became partners in a business that failed. Nephew moved back home while she went to school. But that's not all - her mother has been supporting her while she went to community college but Mom's work hours have been reduced and my nephew, who now has a good paying job, will be supporting his girlfriend. There is a lot of history in this relationship
So they're discussing getting married.
My nephew's now happily-married half-brother has an ex-wife, and told his baby half-brother to never marry without first getting a 'prenup'.
He asked me, his spinster Auntie with 6 cats, what he should do. Yeah, right! My first instinct would be to avoid commitment and get another cat, but that wouldn't suffice.
I am requesting the help of the world's most extensive and collective group of knowledge on earth, Free Republic, as I have no experience in the area of marriage. Many Freepers do have a great deal of experience with marriage/divorce.
Any practical advice? I know I'll see lots of puns and jokes, not to mention opinions, but useful advice would be greatly appreciated.
If one believes that marriage is a sacrament and dissolvable only by death, then a prenup is a contradiction.
If he'd rather not see her hosting slut parties in that house
in a few years, GET THE PRENUP.
True.
I have a First Cousin whose Son got married a few years ago.
For some reason his wife insisted on a prenuptial agreement. She was not wealthy and I can only guess did not know how wealthy her future husband was. I can believe she didn’t know because his Father lives in a middle class working neighborhood.
Although they have always had plenty of money I think having to pay taxes on thousands of acres of land in Florida probably took a lot of it. Still he is worth many millions.
Well the kid is a lawyer and is doing OK. They got divorced and she got nothing except what she brought to the marriage. Her insisting on a prenup was really stupid.
The question is the commitment to marriage. If they expect to get divorced or believe that the other person lacks commitment, then they should not marry.
Is she going to back bill him for the time she supported him during his “rough circumstances?”
Or should she just apply that towards her half of the house?
If they made it through that they've proven they can take financial stress. I'd say no to a pre-nup.
“Nothing in your post indicates a need for a pre nup at all.”
It clearly said that he is about to marry someone. She can wake up one morning and ask for a divorce, for any reason, or no reason at all. He would then be on the hook for half of everything he has. There are fine reasons to remove the profit motive from that.
He failed. He really does not have much to add to the story. Did he get a pre-nup for his second marriage? If he did, I'm predicting a second divorce.
I think your nephew is about to either let a nice girl get away, or they will marry with a cloud of suspicion and second-rate commitment over their heads.
A pre-nup, I believe is for wealthy people, often retired, who want to preserve an inheritance for the children of the first marriage. That's an appropriate use of pre-nups.
Otherwise, just shack up. Isn't that what he really wants? And if I were the gal I might start looking around for a better offer.
Bump for later when i can type not on mh phone
I figure if you're getting married in the church a prenup is saying I do with your fingers crossed...
Don’t they take a vow - something like for better or for worse?
Kids in their early 20’s seem awfully young to be making these decisions. Why pay a lawyer thousands of dollars when their net worth is maybe negative?
If they do get a pre-nup I hope she includes conditions like
- he will help with the housework
- he won’t gain more than 60 pounds
- he will learn to ballroom dance
- he will never wear a Speedo (well almost never)
This is all so silly. If he’s this unsure, she should bail.
The whole point of a marriage is for two to build a life together. Unless one of them is coming into the marriage with a LOT more than the other, a prenup is unnecessary.
As it is, neither of them has much. Anything that is built from this point forward belongs to both of them. No prenup necessary.
Now if he were coming in with a ton of money - then, yes. He might want a prenup to keep her from taking half of everything in the event of a divorce a year down the road.
HOWEVER - from the sounds of it, SHE might want a prenup to get back what SHE invested in HIM in the event of a divorce.
As it stands - they don’t need it. If they build a life together and have children, she should get half of the financial benefits if they split up down the road.
I’m a huge supporter of prenups that have the stipulation of infidelity. If he cheats, she gets half of everything that he owns... plus the house, plus child support, etc.
If she cheats, she get’s nothing and loses custody of the children.
Shoot, nowadays couples are getting pre-marital contracts stipulating how many times they must have sex per week and how much weight they can gain. So much for “for better or worse.” Heaven forbid one should end up in a wheelchair. Si sad that people cannot go into marriage full of joy instead of having to try predicting what kind of viper the spouse might turn into after a few years.
Bump for later when i can type not on mh phone
If your nephew had millions (literally) he wanted to protect, in the event that the marriage would end in divorce - a prenup may be a good idea. Think of child-stars, or pop-stars who marry people who aren’t rich. People with millions of dollars that they had going into the marriage.
But, if he is like 99% of the rest of America - all it is going to do is alienate his bride.
“Ultimately, pre-nups are contrary to the actual purpose of getting married. The point is for two to become one ... not for two to stay two”
It does not create two staying two. It actually can do the opposite. It will scare off someone who will decide to cash in the chips and walk away for some trival reason.
We hear all the romantic and idealistic talk,, but basically a prenup is asking the other party to walk their talk.
A man can enter a marriage deeply committed and be a fine husband by every sane standard. But that gives him no reasonable assurance that he will not be looted unjustly. I see nothing wrong with asking someone to sign.
You are basically asking them to be as committed as you are. You run tremendous risk, and so should they (by giving up the financial advantage a divorce could bring them)
..at that age of 21 and he's already that cynical....
we're not going to get America back ever if we keep this nonsense up about how we have to be "safe" about everything...have "insurance" for everything...
I'm sorry, but you nephew sounds like he's a bit selfish and not very grateful for the help another person...his "squeeze"...
enough gunner...we already know you hate women and are some kind of homo of something...
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