The New Navy

[NKP_Vet]

The Department of Defense (DoD) is proud to announce a new fleet of Class 69 destroyers. Having initially named the first two ships USS Daring and USS Dauntless, the Naming Committee has, after intensive pressure from Congress, renamed them USS Cautious and USS Prudent.

The next five ships are to be USS Empathy, USS Circumspect, USS Nervous, USS Timorous and USS Apologist.

Costing $850 million each they comply with the very latest employment, equality, health and safety and human rights laws.

The U.S. Navy fully expects any future enemy to be decent and to comply with the same high standards of our behavior.

The viewer friendly stacks will be painted in the "gay pride" colors.

Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.

Stress counselors and lawyers will be on board, as will a union representative for each of the trades on board.

The crew will be 50%/50% men and women and will contain the correct balance of race, gender, sexuality and disability.

Sailors will only work a maximum of 40 hours per week as per union rules on working hours, time and a half for overtime and double time on Sundays and holidays, even in wartime.

All the vessels are equipped with a maternity ward and a gay disco.

Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but recreational cannabis will be allowed in wardrooms and messes.

Saluting of officers is now considered elitist and has been replaced by "Hi, there, Sailor!"

All information on notice boards will be in 37 different languages.

Crew members will now have permission to grow beards and/or mustaches. This applies equally to female crew, who will also be encouraged to grow underarm hair, although the ship's beauty salon will perform full-body waxes for crew of any, or no, gender.

A majority of Senators have suggested a "non-specific" flag because the current "Stars and Stripes" may offend some Nations during port calls.

The newly re-named USS Cautious will be commissioned shortly by muslim cleric from the Washington DC Mosque who will detonate a small explosive device near the hull.

As she will gently slide into the sea the Marines Corp Band will play "In the Navy" by the Village People.

Her first deployment will be to escort boatloads of illegal immigrants to ports on the East coast.

The President said, "Our ships reflect the very latest in modern thinking and they will always be able to comply with any new legislation from the U.N."

[Blood of Tyrants]

Too damned close to the truth.

[Da Coyote]

Some naive folks out there will think that this is satire.

[driftdiver]

And the theme song is YMCA.

[napscoordinator]

This is not satire! I am glad I retired. This is the navy in 20.

[PGR88]

When do see a “USS Rainbow Pride?”

[Tenacious 1]

No pics of the ships in this new class?

[KarlInOhio]

And the theme song is YMCA.

Not "In the Navy"?

[onedoug]

LPD 26 USS John P Murtha. That’s no joke.

[Tenacious 1]

Some naive folks out there will think that this is satire.

lol.

[GreyFriar]

From the Duffle Bag?

[Tenacious 1]

LPD 26 USS John P Murtha. That’s no joke.

This ship should be re-commissioned as a practice target.

[OldNavyVet]

Just imagine, right now, the rolling thunder going on in Arlington National Cemetery.

[Dick Bachert]

USS OBAMA

Armed with a single MA-2 .50 caliber Browning, this much feared naval vessel carries up to 30 rounds of aluminum piercing ammunition. It is the first in an entirely new naval architecture class -- technically, “clitoral” (not to be confused with “littoral”) -- being pushed on the Pentagon by the defense minded wussies in the Obama Administration as a cost-saving measure. If you look closely, you can see the heavy-duty seat restraint which prevents the pilot/gunner – Kamakazi Kowalski – from leaping from the vessel prior to engaging the enemy. The 12 V trolling motor – which lacks a reverse function -- propels this sophisticated craft forward at a top speed of 4 knots. Reverse travel – at approximately 35 knots -- is achieved by firing the Browning.

The no-bid contract to build 200 of these fearsome warships was to have been awarded to Obama-Soros-Emanuel Shipbuilding and Stormdoor Manufacturing (formerly General Dynamics) and will be administered by trusted Obama associate and former Chief-of-Staff Rahm Emanuel who commented that, at $12 million each, they are a bargain. They will be constructed exclusively at the company’s facility in Kenya with major subcomponent production (rivets and miscellaneous fasteners) at the company’s Harlem and Skokie plants. Delivery is expected to begin in 2024 (or as soon as the subcontractors’ funds are safely in the contractor's Swiss account).

[JohnBrowdie]

uss monitoring the situation.

[forgotten man]

The amphibious ships that take cargo aft should be named the Barney Frank class of ships. U.S.S. Harvey Milk, U.S.S. Greenwich Village, etc.

[ro_dreaming]

Why not “In The Navy” to replace “Eternal Father, Strong To Save”?

[TurboZamboni]

hi there , theylor!

[citizen]

Don’t give ‘em any ideas....

[rlmorel]

Makes no difference if it is satire, semi-satire, or reality: What is going on in the military today is appalling.

It is easy to make fun of the Navy and the Air Force, but the disturbing thing is, the Army and USMC are right behind them.

My father served in the Navy 30 years, I grew up as a dependent and served in the USN myself as well, and this evolution (more appropriately, devolution, but even that doesn’t fit because they are breaking new ground) of the US Navy angers and embarrasses me so thoroughly I can’t consider it without my blood pressure going up.

Which is, I am sure, exactly as they want it.

They WANT people to stop looking at the Military as an honorable profession/occupation, simply because they have never thought it was.

To them (Liberals) the military is in the pocket of the “military-industrial complex” into whose pocket flows money that should (in their view) be spent on their comically useless, corrosive, destructive, discriminatory, ineffective, and corruption-ridden social programs.

And they are the ones who will scream the loudest and the longest when we are hit, and we are unprepared.

Damn it, this makes me so mad I could spit.

People will come on here and laugh “Hahahahaha...Navy’s a bunch of queers anyway...” but they don’t realize all the branches, ALL of them, are going to end up in EXACTLY the same place in a relatively short period of time.