Posted on 09/13/2013 5:31:10 AM PDT by ken5050
Syrian President Bashir Assad today told reporters that Syria would immediately surrender all of its WMD stocks to UN inspectors and the international community, but only on the condition that the NFL's Washington Redskins immediately drops the team name, which many have found insulting and offensive.
When told of Assad's comments, Goodell went on to say that the "NFL brand is showing tremendous growth internationally. We are pleased that Mr. Assad, who is obviously a fan, cares enough to take such an interest. And we do want to be cognizant of every individual's feelings."
Goodell added that he hoped it might be possible in the near future to have an NFL exhibition game in Damascus. "It may be difficult to find a level surface without any bomb craters, but I have no doubt that Mr. Assad will assist our league's groundskeeper advisory group in that search. And I will have to consult with the NFL referees union. It may be necessary to add several IED disposal personal to the game day officiating crew."
Assad was very pleased at Goodell's comments, but he did add one caveat to his original offer.
"It is my understanding," Assad said," that the NFL is contemplating adding a female, a Sarah Thomas, to the games officials. This is totally unacceptable to both Islam and our culture. The idea that men would have to listen to and obey a woman is distasteful to the Muslim world. We can never accept this. The commissioner correctly says that he is concerned about what even "just one person" might find offensive. Surely then, he cannot ignore what more than a billions Muslims would find completely unacceptable."
Back in Washington, Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn), the only Muslim in the Congress, was overjoyed at the news, predicting that this would create "create hundreds of thousands of new Muslim NFL fans."
However, Ellison did express some concern that these new fans would be unable to purchase tickets to see games. "You must remember," he said," that Muslims are not allowed to charge, or pay interest. Most NFL tickets are obtained via scalping, at prices much higher than face value. As the US Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, which Pres. Obama created, has already determined that scalping is a form of 'interest,' Muslims may thus be shut out from attending games."
Ellison promised to try and hold a hearing on this topic, but he doubted that the GOP controlled House would do so.
CAIR also was pleased with the announcement, but it too had some concerns, which were expressed by its press spokesman, Muhammed bin Ded Ladin:
1. NFL stadiums will have to serve halal meals at concession stands, and ban the use of pork, which is forbidden to Muslims.
2. Tail gating will be permitted by fans, but henceforth only beef ribs can be barbecued.
3. Muslims are required by their faith to face Mecca, kneel, and pray 5 times a day at the appointed hours. The NFL will have to therefore institute additional "prayer time outs" as becomes necessary. The PA system at each stadium will broadcast the "muezzin" the Muslim call to prayer. The Jumbotrons must show images of Mecca at these times.
Secretary of State John Kerry was reported to be overjoyed, then confused by Assad's offer and its terms and conditions. When he was told of the statements by Ellison and CAIR, he was seen by one reporter muttering under his breath and banging his head against the wall.
However, Kerry's press spokesperson, Jen Psaki, did issue a statement in which Kerry praised President Obama's "wisdom and leadership" in ceating a "better image of the US in the Muslim world, and the chance for a lasting peace in the Middle East."
TGIF..for your amusement and enjoyment...
Leni
LOL, Rush said we should ask What Putin thinks...
Sec. of State Mr. Ed: “I’m just thinking out loud—outside the box—’gathering wool’ as they say, but I wonder if we might not meet somewhere in the middle, um, er, say: the Washington Native Americans, ah, hmmm, harrumph (all Staties in room harrumph).
Hey! I didn’t get a ‘harrumph’ from that guy with fat cankles! Oh. Hillary.
Scalping? That’s offensive.! ;)
Later the same day NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was contacted by AG Holder and directed the NFL to change all the NFL teams names to Infidel so that the teams would be announced as Washington Infidels, Dallas Infidels etc....any team refusing to agree would be taxed, er fined one million dollars a day until they complied.
In addition, all teams that have cheerleaders must ban their skin from showing and require all women to wear Burqa’s with one concession that the Burqa did not have to be black it could be the same as the team colors.
The playing of the national anthem or God Bless America is strictly forbidden because it could leave American’s feeling exceptional and that is wrong and no country should ever feel that it is more exceptional than any other country.
When players score a touchdown all credit must be shared with Allah and Muhammad — Any player failing to acknowledge that his accomplishment or talent came from Allah and Muhammad can be stoned or set on fire at half time or at the end of the game.
And the team will henceforth be known as the Washington Minarets. Ball caps will be replaced with khaffiyehs.
While running bases, players must always be facing toward Mecca and slide into home plate without showing the soles of their shoes, which is highly offensive to Muslims.
That’s about how much respect Bork Obunga rates....
The Washington Dhimmies...
Well, now Assad has crossed the line. The bombing begins in 10 minutes
Just sayin'.
Assad’s new offer: Syria will surrender its WMDs if The Jaguars agree to give Tim Tebow a job.
are called the Deadskins! Ugh-- Kemosabe always call team from DC... 
Foreskins.
No, Ted, Goodell said 'if one person' was upset... 
not 'one child's teddy bear that can talk.'
The Roger is a gutless sumbitch... 
but his wife, Jane, is a real bobcat in the sack!
Ted! Put a sock... 
in it!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe Jane... 
you remembered--
I, for one, have never had any problem with the term... 
redskin--
Well, Sheldon, that is because those longjohns.. 
make your derriere look so hot!
One thing Goodell needs to know... 
here in the joint, we don't like redskins!
I found out after much trial and error, Goldskins... 
makes the best lovers--
Never, ever again... 
do I want to hear you... 
call then "redskins!"
Maybe if we Snu Snu Daniel Snyder... 
he will change mind.
Probably not, but what is one more... 
deadskin in whole scheme of things--
The only good Redskin... 
is one that got cut as training camp ended.
Redskins did this... 
without any doubt!
That tears it, get a rope... 
get one right now!
OH MANN That great ROFL
Alright Bender good commentary
I thought Assad was Raider fan LOL!
#RedskinsNewName
Washington Bathhouse Boys
Hysterical!..thanks..BTW..the Glen Ford pic...what movie is that from?
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