Pelosi Denies Retirement Rumors [Satire]

World News Bureau ^ | January 31, 2014 | Scooter Van Neuter

[WXRGina]

WASHINGTON (WNB) - Rep. Nancy Pelosi (RTRD-Ca) is being forced to deny rumors she's retiring from Congress at the end of the year.

Sources close to Pelosi claim that unbeknownst to everyone around her, the House Minority Leader has been carrying on as a zombie, after unexpectedly dying late last year from a fatal brain fire. The DNC reportedly reanimated her so she could finish her term.

"Look, she smells like diseased feet, couldn't put together a legible thought if her life depended on it, lurches around spasmodically, and has those bizarre, constantly blinking dead eyes. She may act perfectly normal, but trust me, Nancy's been dead for months," said the source.

[WXRGina]

This explains a lot! I think it also disqualifies her from serving in Congress. Although, "technically" the Constitution does not say that dead people cannot serve, I have to believe that our Founders assumed that was a given.

[YHAOS]

Ding Dong! The Witch is DEAD?

[rockinqsranch]

I think a typical news photo of her should have been sufficient to make the point in spite of the satire. She looks like a Zombie naturally.

[WXRGina]

Yes, she does. Good point.

[Undecided 2012]

call it satire, come 2014 she’ll then retire I’m positive.

[nothingnew]

As far as I'm concerned, this is not satire. Truth is truth.

FMCDH(BITS)

[WXRGina]

Yes, I agree, but if I don’t put “satire” in the headline, sometimes the Admin Mod will add it or pull it entirely with a “no thanks” if she doesn’t like the content.

[Viking2002]

That's either San Fran Nan or my first wife..........

[WXRGina]

AIEEEEE!!!! Viking, I’m glad you’re free of that!

And, I hope you and Mrs. Viking are now feeling much better. :-)

[Viking2002]

Yeah, we've recovered quite nicely, thanks! They had school out for THREE days, thanks to Leon and his ice. We inherited the grandson last night, but he's home now so it's nice and.......quiet. Hee hee hee hee..........

[WXRGina]

Very good, all the way around! :-)