“If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of to Bloomingdale’s. The three biggest lies are: The check’s in the mail, I’ll respect you in the morning, and I’m glad that I’m Jewish. If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?”
Is this supposed to make me like him less?
I thought they were pretty funny, especially the Hesus one.
They were very un-PC... Trumpian even.
Here is the entire book:
The Portable Bloomberg
The Wit and Widsom
of Michael Bloomberg
New York Post:
OLD ‘GAGS’ COULD HAUNT BLOOMBERGBy Tracy Connor
September 7, 2001
Mayoral hopeful Michael Bloomberg lobs insults at everyone from gays and women to Jews – and even the borough of Queens – in a booklet of “wit and wisdom” compiled by his employees, a new report says.
The 32-page pamphlet of Bloomberg’s sayings, which was presented to a “touched” Bloomberg as a birthday gift in 1990, is filled with scatological and profanity-peppered quips that could hit his campaign like a hand grenade.
The collection was obtained by New York magazine’s Michael Wolff and will be published in the magazine’s next edition. Wolff said he confirmed the booklet’s authenticity with a former Bloomberg executive who helped put it together.
Bloomberg campaign spokesman Bill Cunningham angrily dismissed the pamphlet as an irrelevant “gag book.”
Asked if the gaffe-prone Republican hopeful had made the remarks attributed to him, Cunningham declined to review them one-by-one.
“You’re talking about a gag book – comments that may or may not have been said,” he said. “Some of those things have been said by comedians in the Catskills.”
The shoot-from-the-lip observations in the pamphlet include:
* “If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they’d go to the library instead of to Bloomingdale’s.”
* “I know for a fact that any woman who walks past a construction site and doesn’t get a whistle will turn around and walk past again and again until she does get one.”
* “I make it a rule never to go to Queens – and since that eliminates both airports, I don’t travel a great deal.”
* “The three biggest lies are: The check’s in the mail, I’ll respect you in the morning, and I’m glad that I’m Jewish.”
* “If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?”
Many of the aphorisms in the booklet – titled “The Portable Bloomberg: The Wit and Wisdom of Michael Bloomberg” – are the billionaire media mogul’s musings on how to get ahead in the business world.
An example: “Make the customer think he’s getting laid when he’s getting f – – – ed.” He’s also quoted as saying a competitor must be “a cokehead, womanizing fag.”
The booklet was signed by “E. DeM.” whom Wolff identifies as Elisabeth DeMarse, a former Bloomberg executive and now the CEO of the Internet firm Bankrate.
DeMarse refused to comment yesterday, but she told the magazine “Portable Bloomberg” was an “office project” and that Bloomberg was “touched” to receive a leather-bound copy from his inner circle.
“He saw this as a tribute, a testimonial – which it was. He wanted everyone to get a copy.”
She added, “When Mike says outrageous things, it’s sort of a test. It’s a loyalty test. It’s a bonding thing when everyone laughs. You stop thinking that it might be inappropriate.”
Cunningham had no comment on DeMarse, but he said the unearthing of the booklet showed somebody is “nervous” about the Bloomberg candidacy.
“All it tells me is somebody is very desperate in New York City politics to be dusting this stuff off,” he said.
