Posted on 10/23/2003 1:56:30 PM PDT by Cathryn Crawford
How Men And Dogs Are Alike
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both mark their territory.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Both pass gas shamelessly.
Both like dominance games.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
Neither of them tells you what's bothering them.
Neither of them does dishes.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Hey! I don't pee in the yard - well, not often anyway...
Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Women
1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.
27. When you're interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.
28. A beer is always satisfying.
29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
31. A beer does not come with in-laws.
32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.
38. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you brought.
39. Beer won't drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a beer.
41. A beer chaser is easier to catch.
42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a beer.
44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46. Beer and "ice" don't mix.
47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation--it goes along happily.
48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about a wet spot.
52. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't fight.
Actually, I like to watch that only to make fun of it. You know, it's the I'm-a-victim channel. :-)
I can't speak for all men, but I don't bark on command at any time under any circumstances!!! ;-)
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You obviously (a) are impossible to embarrass or (b) have never shown up at a party with Keystone Light.
You forgot a few.....
Both can scare the sh*t out of most anyone
Both will eat all the food as fast as possible in order to survive
Both will attempt to mate as often as is possible in order to propagate their gene pool
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