[Stick a Fork in Me - I am Done]

At this point, I doubt that we will reconcile, but of course that would be ideal. The reality may be less than ideal and I would like to hear your advice.

[shaggy eel]

,,, I went thru the hoops in December 1994 and it took three and a half years to get a cent out of the home I was kicked out of. Access to my kids was precluded by her lawyers for no good reason and I paid my lawyer $NZ230 an hour plus GST (state tax) for what seemed like an eternity.

Like you, my story is long. I've stopped dragging it with me now but there was a time when I was a conniseur of two minute noodles and I spent too much time wondering what lay ahead in life. I remarried in February 2002 and we're very happy. No bad situation lasts forever. I will say that the one thing that remains and is stronger than ever is my faith in God. He put people in my path and opportunities in my way when the time was right. You simply don't have that sort of luck at casinos that consistently. When the worst of the worst was upon me, the only stable things in my life seemed to be a cellphone number and a post box address. Have faith and know that light at the end of the tunnel will result. Spend as much time as possible with your kids and make sure you never slag your ex in front of them. That makes you a strong person.

[new cruelty]

I am exhausted and need Freeper Wisdom and encouragement.

Its not a lot of help, but here are some lyrics from U2 (hey, its a good song).
Hang it there, pray, and try to have a positive attitude.
Gotta run... supper is on. : )

"Stuck In A Moment"

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

[dandelion]

The very first thing you must do is go look in the mirror; tell the woman in the mirror that God has a plan for her, His beloved child, and it WILL BE DONE.

The second thing you need to do is understand that YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT.

You will not die, you will not break, but you are going to cry and you are going to hurt like hell. Then, you are going to get over it because your life is going to get better. For real. I know, because it happened to me.

I am praying for you right now. From your lofty vantage point in the future, you are looking back at yourself and remembering this moment:

"If only I knew then, how precious my life would be, if only I could have seen how God himself was holding me during that time; if only I had known that God himself was leading me, with my little lambs, to a pasture He Himself had chosen...

You will look back at this moment, and you will fall on your knees and praise God for His never ending love...

[NittanyLion]

You should get yourself a counselor, friend, or priest who can listen to your entire story and help you based upon your situation. Folks on the internet, no matter how well-intended, cannot comprehend the uniqueness of your situation and will not provide the best advice for your it.

Best of luck.

[Arpege92]

The REAL reality of your situation is the fact that you are strong. Working, home schooling and running a house by yourself requires not only physical energy but mental energy as well.

With that said, maybe you should look into other schooling possibilities. A little breathing room always does wonders, so don't feel guilty about that and don't forget that you are setting an example for your children too.

I wish you luck.

[Diva Betsy Ross]

This is what I would do, for what it is worth. The last thing I would want to do is place my kids in public school, esp. after what they have been through, unless they themselves had some desire to attend public school. The older kids I might say okay to, younger .. no.

I would reach out ot every homeschooler in the area ,and espicially in any church I was affiliated with ,and ask for help with babysitting, cleaning, lessons.

I would join a support group , on line or local , for single parents who homeschool for advice. I would find an older person with a teaching background, through church, retirement center, who could help me with lesson plans and perhaps do some hands on for trade, or what ever pay I could afford. Perhaps one who has no family and looking for something to do. I would sell my house if it was too big, and cost effective. I would get a small used car and tell the kids to get ready to tighten the belt. I would try to find ways to make it seem fun.

I would tell my husband that as long as he is fair, I will be fair, but we had to do whatever it takes to finish the commitment to the kids.

The 15 year old could do some work for pay, you may even be able to find work to do as a family.

I would see about starting a family owned homebased business ,that I could use as a big lesson plan on how to survive. Perhaps something you could sell or some service you could market to other homeschoolers, single parents etc...

Good luck, it is not going to be easy, but I know you can do it. Get yourself lots of support from groups and churches, even if you haven't been for awhile. Ask and you shall recieve. Keep me updated if you can.. I will be thinking of you!

[YaYa123]

Your husband has put you and your family through hell for 3 years. He moved out 6 months ago, and you think a reconciliation would be ideal?

Our best intentions won't help you. Get professional help.

[TXnMA]

As others have implied, there is no better support for you than being actively involved in a loving church family. (Better, even, than FR...) (And, if you do not already do so, you WILL quickly begin to look upon a good church as your "family".)

Get involved with a group of folks your age. Many larger churches have special groups of folks like yourself who ar going through crises. And 'most all good churches have 'singles' groups where you can find some really enjoyable friendships. The main thing is to stay active. And involve your kids in church activities too -- when they're there...you get a break!

Of course, hang in with us on FR -- we're "family", too...

[jackbill]

Thirty years ago my then-wife left the home, and our four young sons. Fortunately, I was making enough money to hire a live-in "housekeeper", so it had some, but not significant impact on my ability to work and provide for them.

When I approached my church for help, the pastor bailed. He wanted no part of the situation, and as a consequence I haven't been back there since.

I would recommend that you sit back and make a list of just what is essential. Others have recommended that you might have to give up the home-schooling. Perhaps that's an option, if it interferes with a job that would allow you to provide the essentials for you and the kids.

Your next step should be to look for whatever "support systems" are out there for you, even if you don't agree with their primary agenda. You can most likely find a group that would provide legal service to ensure that the father of your children would have to provide appropriate support. Right now, making sure that the kids don't experience a wrenching change in their life is most important.

As for yourself, there is no easy answer. The primary burden will be on you. It will be tough, but believe me, if you do your damndest, you will reap a reward eventually. My sons have all become successful in life, and I believe that they respect whatever I was able to do for them. But it wasn't easy for any of us, and it took a lot of time.

God bless you. Stand tall, muster everything that you can from within and take it one day at a time. That may seem like a trite cliche, but it works.

[k2blader]

You and your children are in my prayers.

It's obvious your schedule is tight, but try your best to join yourself and your children to a loving church family. Relationships will grow slowly, but when they take root, your church friends, through the Lord's goodness, will be able to provide the prayer/emotional/mental/physical support you and your children will need in the time to come.

Fregards,

k2

[wizardoz]

1). Rearrange the furniture. Change whatever you can. Hang pictures in different places. Swap the rugs in different rooms. Move the plants. Do whatever you can to make the house look different than it did when he was there. If you can paint a room or two, do it.

2). Sell old books to a used book store. Buy different ones.

3). Rent movies he wouldn't like.

4). Cut your hair. Dye your hair. Curl your hair. Do something with it.

5). Cook strange things. If it doesn't turn out, oh well, he's not there to gripe about it.

6). Read Madame Bovary and think "wow, could be worse."

7). Rent a terrifying movie. Instead of crying at night, hide under the covers and hope there isn't a monster in the bathroom.

8.) Listen to music from Before Him. If you have to go all the way back to the BeeGees, do it.

9.) Ask your kids for advice (if they are over 11 or so).

10.) Consider counseling. You might not need it, but it will take the load off your best friends, who will otherwise have to hear it all.

[ETERNAL WARMING]

Prayers for you SAFIMIAD. I've had my own traumas to deal with. What I learned was to call Jesus into my life, because I really could not cope anymore, so I gave my life to Him. I was discouraged, worn out and broken. And surprise, He did indeed enter my life and heal me. He has given me unbelievable strength to carry on. I can't imagine not talking everything over with Him or going thru life without Him. His gentle care is awesome.

[Mamzelle]

Many prayers for you.

May I ask about general finances? Debt load, prospects for a job?

Looks like first step will have to be, unfortunately, putting kids into school. (I support homeschoolers, but don't see continuing as possible unless you are very well situtated financially.) That'll keep you busy for quite some time, visiting and registering and submitting yourself to new rules. You might want to hold out for the new year...if finances allow.

[Tijeras_Slim]

I wish I could help more, but all I can say is that you've got FRiends here.