Posted on 01/17/2004 8:54:19 AM PST by summer
Subject: MEN'S RULES
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the >guys >side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good. >
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules >from the male side. This is our rule! Please note... these are all >numbered >"1" ON PURPOSE! >
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it >down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about >you leaving it down. >
>1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. >Let it be. >
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it >that >way. >
>1. Crying is blackmail. >
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do >not >work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! >
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. >
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's >what >we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. >
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. >
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In >fact, >all comments become null and void after 7 days. >
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us >to >act like soap opera guys. >
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. >
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways >makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. >
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it >done. >Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. >
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during >commercials. >
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. >
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, >for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no >idea what mauve is. >
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. >
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like >nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the >hassle. >
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer >you >don't want to hear. >
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is >fine...Really. >
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to >discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. >
>1. You have enough clothes. >
>1. You have too many shoes. >
>1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. >
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch >tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. >
>Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. >
>Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!
In the immortal words of Hawkeye Pierce ...
never let it be said that I don't do the least I can do
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