Skip to comments.*** OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD ***
Posted on 03/25/2005 8:16:07 AM PST by TheBigB
Woo Hooooo! TGIF and Happy Easter everyone!! Time for another FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD! As always, feel free to post jokes, silly pics, nonsensical statements, or even to IGNORE THIS THREAD!
And it's my birthday!!!
Ping! C'mon over! :^)
Hey, Happy Birthday!
Many Happy Returns.
THIS SIGN IS POSTED AT A GOLF CLUB in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
I am bored out of my mind. This schiavo mess and its coverage is saddening. I need a boost. Somebody make me laugh!!!
Here's the best news of all: Not only is it Easter, but my socialist managing editor is leaving!
Hip, hip, hooray!
Happy Birthday! Now, what would you prefer for a present, the Easter Bunny or a massage from a cat?
First picture is interesting.
Anna Nicole Smith. I'm still not sure if she even knew what she was wearing. Or where she was. Or even who she was. :^)
I can't tell you HOW RELIEVED I AM TO GET THIS FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD.
Am I the only one who is sick with the morbidity of the last week? I need relief.
I know how you feel. Yesterday I vowed to laugh, just to break the monotony. Well at the end of the day, I found some funny things to joke about.
I fear that the end is close for Terri. Judge Greer has won. So I again vow to laugh today. So I am going to be looking for the jokes with you.
Oh, a cat massage without question. I get my new little pixie bob/lynx next week.
Thanks for the thread!
UH??? Who cares?
Happy Birthday... I won't ask you age either....
Happy Birthday, mine was yesterday!
So this lovely young co-ed goes to the doctor for a checkup. After she gets undressed, the doc notices the outline of a large "M" across her torso.
Dr.: "What is that?"
Co-ed: *giggling* "Oh, my boyfriend goes to the University of Michigan. Whenever we make love he likes to keep his varsity jacket on."
Satisfied, the doc lets it go. The next day, another comely young co-ed comes in and gets undressed. He sees another "M" across her front.
Dr: *chuckling* "I'll bet your boyfriend goes to Michigan, right?"
Co-ed: "No, but my girlfriend goes to Wisconsin."
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, "Hello"
I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone,I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop.So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ....so, I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Don, you're an asshole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."
Then I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
NOW, I feel better
I got this in my e-mail this morning. I wasn't going to post it, since a google search on it yields a million hits and I figured everybody but me must have already seen it. But since you asked for silliness, here it is:
Mine was sunday the 13th. The big 2-6.
Oh ... nevermind.
Many Happy Returns!
Same here.. I think we all need to calm down and take a chill pill.
Did you ever celebrate your birthday on Easter? I did, when I was five. Now you can go figure out how old I am. LOL.
Thanks I needed that.
Three men die on the same day and find themselves outside the Pearly Gates. St. Peter meets them and explains that Heaven is getting a bit crowded so they've instituted a test to gain admittance to Paradise. He looks at the first guy and asks, "What is Easter?"
"Easter," the guy says, "That's the holiday when the family gets together and cooks a big turkey dinner. Everybody sits around eating and watching football. That's Easter."
"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the next man and repeats the question.
"Easter," the man says. "That's when everybody gets together and decorate the tree, buys presents, sings carols, and enjoys the Easter holiday season. That's Easter."
"Sorry," says St. Pete, "You're wrong. You go to Hell." He turns the the last man and repeats the question.
"Easter," the man says. "On Good Friday, Jesus was crucified on the cross, died and was buried. Three days later he rose from the dead, left the tomb, saw his shadow, and there were six more weeks...
Actually I did too. But I can't remember if it has happened since mine. I'm guessing 50-something?
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"Aim towards the Enemy."
-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
-U.S. Marine Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
-U.S. Air Force Manual
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
"Tracers work both ways."
-U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."
-U. S Navy Swabbie
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
-Unknown Marine Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him & try to pass him."
-U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
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