Posted on 05/21/2005 11:11:04 PM PDT by CHARLITE
Wow, did you hear the latest on the runaway bride? Turns out she was going to New Mexico to visit an ex boyfriend to get some action before her wedding.
Todd Kendrick, a CPA, said, “she liked sex,” and added, “It wasn't serious. It was what it was,” referring to their brief, but steamy, relationship. Kendrick never did hook up with Jennifer this time, but stated that “we broke up when she started freakin’ out on me, I mean who wants to have sex in a hot tub filled with Cheetos®?”
Sources report that Kendrick said Wilbanks had a healthy sexual appetite. “Like other men who've gone a few rounds with Wilbanks — several firemen, a dentist and gym buffs among them.”
And that was just in one night!
Wilbanks' fiancé, John Mason, has boasted he and his intended had abstained during the 18-month courtship leading up to their planned wedding. When asked to explain the various roommates that have recently stayed with Wilbanks--including off duty fireman Hung Lo, dentist Phil McAvity, and physical trainer Lance Wooden--Mason replied that, “they were all her cousins, I mean Hung may be Asian and all but trust is the cornerstone of a great relationship, and if we’ve got anything, it’s trust.”
She arrived in Albuquerque by bus, and then hired a cab to take her to a hotel. Taxi driver Feremar “Frank” Swalid told her that with the Indian ceremonies going on in town, she would have a hard time finding a hotel. “She then said that it would be no problem finding a guy to let her share his room,” Swalid remarked.
“When I dropped her off downtown she said she had no money but would gladly pay the cab fare in ‘intangibles’” Feremar stated, adding, “I was not familiar with this word, but I soon learned. Boy, did I learn! Right there in my cab in the middle of downtown. She then asked me to get her a bag of Cheetos for some reason.”
Albuquerque FBI spokesman Bill Elwell said Wilbanks might not have been able to find a room and, out of money, finally gave up and called Mason. “But given her, um, attitude I find that hard to believe seeing as she was found with a surprisingly large number of one dollar bills stuffed in her underwear,” said Elwell. When asked how he knew what was in her underwear, Elwell tersely replied, “That’s classified.”
When asked to explain the orange stains on his fingers, Elwell said, “Hey, I just love Cheetos!”
Ummm:
off duty fireman Hung Lo, dentist Phil McAvity,
Phil McAvity?
Fill My cavity?
The poor woman must have some rather severe issues, however, to have willingly agreed to enter a treatment facility. That tells me that it's a whole lot more serious than mere "wedding jitters."
My own hypothesis is that if it is true that she and her "fiancé" had been living together platonically for 18 months, she could very well have told Mason that she'd never had any "carnal relations" with a man........and as the day of truth came closer and closer, she split, then figured that if she said she had been "raped," that would explain things to wholesome, trusting John Mason.
That's my theory anyway. Turns out that this story was a flash in the pan. Once it was announced that she'd gone into hiding, then treatment, it fell off the radar screens, which is a good thing. We have a whole lot more serious matters to pay attention to.
I posted it because I thought the spoof was deliciously humorous.......especially the Cheetohs feature!
Char
I hate this kind of stuff because it makes men look so small.
I love posts like this because they make stupid people look stupid
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