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New at the Pharmacy

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names....a trade name and a generic
name. For example, the generic name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve
is known as naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin and Advil is ibuprofen.

The FDA(Federal Drug Administration) has been looking for a generic name
for Viagra. After consideration by a team of government experts, it
recently announced it has settled on the generic name of coxafloppin.
Also considered were coxafailin, dixadrupin, dixarizin, dixadud,
dixafix and, of course, ibepokin.

Pfizer Corporation is making an announcement that VIAGRA will soon be
available in liquid form and will be marketed by Coca Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

Coke's proposed ad campaign claims it will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a "stiff one."

Obviously we can no longer call this a "soft" drink. This additive gives
new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old
fashioned stiff drink.Coke will market the new concoction under the name of "Mount & Do."

Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

The following are supposedly actual winning analogies in the "worst
analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:\flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaak/ch@ng by mistake.

He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be burried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a drier without "Cling-Free."

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayola crayon.

Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in America that makes the Tickle Me Elmo toy, which
laughs when you tickle it under the arm. A new employee is hired at the

Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at
0800. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door.

The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to
rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow
and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line
behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself so the 2
men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so
backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pileup.

At the end of the line stands the new employee surrounded by mountains
of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag
of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little
piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles
and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but
I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday......."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."