I did get Newsweak in college. At the time I was as conservative as today but didn't yet realize just how left wing that rag was.
When my subscription expired, they kept sending them. I called to cancel, and they asked why...my response was that I bought toilet paper and no longer needed it.
LOL. Great answer.
My response to our local paper was similar to yours, and came courtesy of something I read here on FR.
"I'm sorry, but the puppy is now housebroken and our bird died."
Best Regards
Sergio