Skip to comments.On The Light Side: Handling nosy curiosity as a single woman
Posted on 10/11/2005 7:43:11 PM PDT by teldon30
I never thought there would be an issue about what age I decided to marry at, which now I realize you don't "decide" to marry. It should just happen. (But sometimes it is a conscious decision for some women that results as an ultimatum. That's an entirely different column.)
I'm 35 years old, never married and that makes me "single." I'm not a divorcee or a widow. I'm not dating anyone nor am I "playing the field" since the prospective greenery seems to be missing in my general vicinity.
If you're a 35-year-old woman who has substantial control over your nervous system and introduced to someone, they first ask if you are married. Some may go on to ask if you have kids (these are usually men). Sometimes they ask the latter first (these are usually men).
I don't recall being questioned about my marital status at any time during my 20s, so this is still new to me even though the peculiar line of questioning has been happening since I turned 30. And that practically did happen overnight. (My sister and best friend came to my corporate office five years ago dressed in grandmother outfits carrying a huge "Lordy she's 30" bag that they pulled items out of and individually explained. My entire business suit-clad office sat and listened to why I'd need those items now that I was old. I won't go into details, but there was some type of ointment involved. Again, another column.)
I'm not proclaiming that a politically correct term for "single" needs to be developed. It's not an insult. I'd prefer single over "Maybe should've settled on the last guy. Could be the best one I'll find. I don't know." I'm happy to tag on, "Nope, not married. I'm single," after an introduction rather than "Nope, not married. I expect perfection from men, therefore I'll be single forever since even I am not perfect."
I think the most entertaining one I've been asked after someone hears that I'm 35, single and never married is why haven't I married.
I was at a social gathering, was just politely offered a glass of wine by a man who struck up a conversation with me, and he pops up with, "So, why do you think you've never married?"
I think a little red wine came out of my nose since I'd just taken a sip and was swallowing when I snorted into laughter. It's not a question you throw out as if you're asking why I purchased a Toyota instead of a Honda.
I asked if he'd ever considered printing out an application to give women he casually meets and found interesting. I explained that he could use some multiple choice questions, such as "Choose a necessity important for a successful marriage: A) Love, B) Trust, or C) Love, trust and a prenuptial agreement." Maybe an essay question such as, "Explain your bulkiest baggage in three or less paragraphs."
You probably guessed that no meaningful romance resulted in that chance encounter.
The least entertaining question I've been asked is, "Ever been close?" Again, this wasn't coffee talk with girlfriends. Another casual acquaintance, another social setting.
My first instinct was to begin counting with my fingers and say, "Oh, yeah, well sure. There was the guy I dated for years. He proposed to me twice, two different rings, both times we were broken up. Uh huh, yeah. And there was the one I hadn't see in years, dated him in college, looked me up in the phone book, drove to my house and offered me ownership of his car while he served in the Air Force. It was only later that I found out that there was a rose, ring and a letter of proposal in the glove compartment. Boy - that souped-up sedan would've been a lot of responsibility, huh? And then ..." But no. I simply responded, "Never booked the preacher, if that's what you mean."
It's not the clear-cut answer that I'm sure a lot of people are looking for, but that's what being nosy will get you. (Tip: I usually follow that answer by engaging in a detailed explanation of how to determine a perfect cut diamond from a flawed one. It makes for a night of entertaining facial expressions coming from the man I'm talking to.)
I got four words for her, "Here, gut these fish."
Ypu, 32 single guy never been married and yes, I feel for ya!!!!@!!!!
Didn't find much humor here. All I read was another "It's all about ME" snivel.
Boo freakin' hoo.
The men this woman is talking about seem to just be trying to get a date. What's wrong with that?
MoDo, is that you?
"Boo freakin' hoo."
I agree with you. I wonder if this gal is really as touchy as she sounds in this article. I read this as "another feminist, just waiting to be offended by someone, preferably someone male."
Oh, you poor thing.
I can't wait to hear her future musings on yeast infestions and menopause....
But just politely turning down a date is so boring. It's so much more fun if you humiliate or embarass them first. After all, they asked ME for a date.
Couldn't he check the fourth finger of her left hand, to see if she's wearing a ring?
Who wrote that column...Runaway Bride Jennifer Wilbanks?
My theory is that if you hang around an unattached woman long enough you'll eventually figure out why she is unattached. Except for the truly aestheticaly-challenged, most women that want to marry get married. Those that don't simply don't.
As a lifelong bachelor, I'm not bashing unmarried women. I'm just relating an observation here.
Such a charming woman! And not dating anyone? I am just so surprised.
"It's sooo moralist of them to be concerned that they aren't committing adultery." Modern culture doesn't find that to be so bad.
She is offended that they are surprised she's never been married. As if no one WOULD marry her. Then again, she seems quick to bite their heads off.
Wonder if she'll take a lot of fertility drugs to make up for lost time on her family. She hasn't said that she doesn't EVER want to get married. Just that no one has been good enough.
I'm single too but would prefer to settle down. I meet quite a few women 25-35 who are against marriage for themselves.
"I think a little red wine came out of my nose..."
that might be the start of an explanation.
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