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Things you'd like to say out loud at work (or to a lib)

Posted on 01/24/2006 9:13:51 AM PST by hiramknight

Somedays, it seems like everyone around you has had one stupid pill too many. Feel free to borrow from this list when required.

>THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice cologne. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: dimwit; notclever; notnews; obnoxious; wrongforum
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Today is one of those days.
1 posted on 01/24/2006 9:13:53 AM PST by hiramknight
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To: hiramknight; Millee; peacebaby; Maximus of Texas; Dashing Dasher; EX52D
I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary

LOL..amen

Fun at work ping!!!
2 posted on 01/24/2006 9:16:52 AM PST by PaulaB (All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right)
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To: hiramknight
What would I say? Keep up the good work! LOL Oh and this guy needs more face time explaining things to the rest of us.
3 posted on 01/24/2006 9:17:22 AM PST by kinghorse
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To: hiramknight

How can I miss you if you don't leave?


4 posted on 01/24/2006 9:17:51 AM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: hiramknight

I feel like I work in a REAL Dilbert cartoon.............My boss and his are amazingly similar........


5 posted on 01/24/2006 9:18:36 AM PST by Red Badger (LUKE 22:36 JESUS: "........and if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one."........)
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To: hiramknight; WhistlingPastTheGraveyard
I like this one. :)

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

6 posted on 01/24/2006 9:18:41 AM PST by cgk (I don't see myself as a conservative. I see myself as a religious, right-wing, wacko extremist.)
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To: PaulaB

very seriously:

"Don't call us; we'll call you."

And just today:

"What is it about no 'solicitation' that you don't understand?"


7 posted on 01/24/2006 9:18:47 AM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: kinghorse
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

nuff said ;P
8 posted on 01/24/2006 9:18:55 AM PST by PaulaB (All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right All Right)
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To: Junior

After last week's disaster I'm feeling particularly like #27.


9 posted on 01/24/2006 9:19:15 AM PST by cjshapi
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To: Junior

Crap...make that 26. Even my short term memory has gone!


10 posted on 01/24/2006 9:19:43 AM PST by cjshapi
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To: peacebaby
See new tagline
11 posted on 01/24/2006 9:20:19 AM PST by PaulaB (If I throw a stick, will you leave?)
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To: hiramknight

ROTFLMAO!


12 posted on 01/24/2006 9:21:24 AM PST by Fiddlstix (Tagline Repair Service. Let us fix those broken Taglines. Inquire within(Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: hiramknight

This belongs in Chat, not News/Activism.

See #6. :-)


13 posted on 01/24/2006 9:22:18 AM PST by newgeezer (Just my opinion, of course. Your mileage may vary.)
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To: hiramknight
39. I must admit you've got a point. I bet it's hard to find a hat to fit it.

40. You've got a lot of class. Too bad it's all low.

14 posted on 01/24/2006 9:22:47 AM PST by FReepaholic (Proud monthly FreeRepublic donor.)
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To: PaulaB

ruff ruff.

Here's one I'd really like to say:

If it's owned by a celebrity, we don't want it. And big f'n deal if it's over 5,000 square feet, we don't want it. And spare me the details about how much it cost, please."


15 posted on 01/24/2006 9:23:09 AM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: peacebaby

Yeah, I have had a few of those myself!

At the company I used to work at, we had a BIG "No Solicitation" sign on the door. You couldn't miss it unless you were blind or stupid. Or both.

Well, one day this guy comes in selling paintings, of all things. Walked right in asking if we wanted to buy anything. Well, the receptionist was notorious for not tkaing crap from anyone. She gets up out of her chair, walks right past the guy and out the door, looks at the sign and walks back in and asks the guy in her best sugary Southern voice: "Honey, how long have you been illiterate?"

The guy looked like someone had asked him to explain quantum physics. She points to the sign and the rocket scientist says "I ain't soliciting nothing, I want to sell you some paintings!".

She showed him the door and told him to come back when he had bought a dictionary.


16 posted on 01/24/2006 9:29:24 AM PST by Littlejon
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To: All

39. Pardon me, are you nuts?


17 posted on 01/24/2006 9:31:05 AM PST by AZ_Cowboy ("There they go again...")
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To: Littlejon

illiterate...buy a dictionary.

Hilarious!


18 posted on 01/24/2006 9:31:12 AM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: PaulaB

I was about to post that one until I saw your tagline. Great minds...


19 posted on 01/24/2006 10:01:21 AM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: Maximus of Texas

:P


20 posted on 01/24/2006 10:04:27 AM PST by PaulaB (If I throw a stick, will you leave?)
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To: PaulaB; Maximus of Texas; day10

Here's one I used once at an old job:

A lady came in to the convienance store I was a manager of complaining about the price of our gas (which by the way was the same or less than anywhere in town). Keep in mind this was at the end of a 14-hour day. I told her, "Don't blame me, blame the environmentalists." She replied, "Well, it's your store! YOU should make it cheaper!"

My reply: "Sorry, can't do it. By the way, you owe me a rib."


21 posted on 01/24/2006 10:07:19 AM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: ToddBush

When I was working as a waitress at ChiChi's back in the day, there was a girl I couldn't stand. She came in one day with a fresh suntan/burn and I said "You know, you can't tan away ugly".


22 posted on 01/24/2006 10:19:49 AM PST by conservativebabe
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To: PaulaB


Uhm, yeh, I'm gonna need you.....to uhm, come to work on Saturday, yeh.

And, this isn't gonna be like a half-day, no. I'm gonna need you to work a full-day, yeh.
23 posted on 01/24/2006 10:45:50 AM PST by MadCharity (If only the week could go by as fast as the hour of 24 does!!!)
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To: MadCharity

I would kill that man


24 posted on 01/24/2006 10:48:32 AM PST by PaulaB (If I throw a stick, will you leave?)
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To: PaulaB

Just got a call with the dumbest question, asking us if we sell an advertiser's product. I said no, we sell our magazine.

I wanted to say, "That's about the stupidest question I've ever heard," but I think the caller realized her mistake because she got embarrass´d and told me,

"Why, honey, you just don't have the southern charm I was expecting."


25 posted on 01/24/2006 11:27:54 AM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: cjshapi

Amen, sister.


26 posted on 01/24/2006 11:43:21 AM PST by Junior (Identical fecal matter, alternate diurnal period)
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To: hiramknight
These are funny. Good humor post.

In the past I've had two co-workers ask me if they needed extra postage to send something to New Mexico.

True story.

27 posted on 01/24/2006 12:00:43 PM PST by MotleyGirl70
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To: hiramknight

-Do you have the faintest clue what a pain in the aZZ you are?

-You do realize I don't get paid to put up with you?

-Did you mother feed you lead paint chips as a child?

-AAAAAAAAARRGGHH! (Howard Dean-style scream)

-I'll tell you where you can put that report...

-Were you born stupid, or did you have to work at it?


28 posted on 01/24/2006 12:02:44 PM PST by RockinRight (Attention RNC...we're the party of Reagan, not FDR...)
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To: ToddBush; PaulaB; day10
"A lady came in to the convienance store I was a manager of..."

Todd, are you middle-eastern?
29 posted on 01/24/2006 1:27:16 PM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Very, very, very funny.


30 posted on 01/24/2006 1:31:40 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: teenyelliott; Jersey Republican Biker Chick; Owl_Eagle; Sam's Army; Lazamataz; Darksheare; ...
A pic of me and my puppy taken last night:

Image hosting by Photobucket

31 posted on 01/24/2006 1:33:41 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: peacebaby
Actually, I could think of stupider questions.

(Is stupider a word? It's not a word, is it?)
32 posted on 01/24/2006 1:34:27 PM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: ToddBush; carolinacrazy
1. He is beautiful

2. Time to take the Christmas cards down, homey.

33 posted on 01/24/2006 1:35:43 PM PST by teenyelliott (Soylent green should be made outta liberals...)
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To: ToddBush

What a cutie!!!


34 posted on 01/24/2006 1:35:43 PM PST by Millee (I've got FRiends in low places...)
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To: Maximus of Texas

if you understood my business, you'd understand the stupidity of the question.

and no, stupider is not a word.


35 posted on 01/24/2006 1:36:13 PM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: teenyelliott

teeny, The Girlfriend keeps those up, not me.


36 posted on 01/24/2006 1:36:24 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: peacebaby
Well, it should be.
37 posted on 01/24/2006 1:37:37 PM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: Maximus of Texas

:`)


38 posted on 01/24/2006 1:38:50 PM PST by peacebaby (thanks for reminding me that it's not about me)
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To: ToddBush

Pup pup looks rather satisfied while curious of the camera.
Good dog.


39 posted on 01/24/2006 1:38:59 PM PST by Darksheare (And baby says "RAAAAR!")
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To: ToddBush

Riiiiight. : )


40 posted on 01/24/2006 1:40:03 PM PST by teenyelliott (Soylent green should be made outta liberals...)
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To: ToddBush
"A pic of me and my puppy taken last night"

Where did you take him from?
41 posted on 01/24/2006 1:42:43 PM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: ToddBush

Dude,

what a beautiful bulldog. Congrats.


42 posted on 01/24/2006 1:52:37 PM PST by Skooz (Modesty hides my thighs in her wings)
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To: ToddBush
Judging by the look on your face, it seems as if you are not very thrilled with him. I will be glad to give him a home since you obviously hate him. Let me know.

I will hug him and squeeze him and name him George.....W.

43 posted on 01/24/2006 1:52:44 PM PST by carolinacrazy (Bow to your sensei.... BOW TO YOUR SENSEI...... www.jackassdemocrats.com)
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To: Maximus of Texas

Pound puppies in Philadelphia.


44 posted on 01/24/2006 1:53:47 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: ToddBush

Find any wide receivers while you were there?


45 posted on 01/24/2006 1:54:24 PM PST by Maximus of Texas (On my signal, unleash hell)
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To: ToddBush

What is it that they say about pets resembling their owners? ;)

(OK, cute pup)


46 posted on 01/24/2006 1:54:37 PM PST by najida (Purgeing the world of literacy, one typo at a time.)
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To: carolinacrazy

Ha! I looked like that because he'd just tried to take a chunk of flesh out of my cheek. He's teething, and "Daddy's face" is his favorite target, second only to "Daddy's shoes."


47 posted on 01/24/2006 1:54:56 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: teenyelliott
Pic of my daughter taken a couple of weeks ago:


Click to enlarge.

48 posted on 01/24/2006 1:55:08 PM PST by Skooz (Modesty hides my thighs in her wings)
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To: Skooz

Thanks!


49 posted on 01/24/2006 1:55:09 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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To: Skooz

cute!


50 posted on 01/24/2006 1:56:09 PM PST by ToddBush (http://sliceofthepie.blogspot.com You'll want more than just a slice...)
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