Posted on 08/13/2006 5:29:07 PM PDT by M. Peach
STOCKHOLM -- Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals. In fact, those dopes can kill you!
Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks -- and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden's Lindbergh University Medical Center.
The author of the study, Dr. Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.
"Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs.
"One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid -- for her computer monitor.
"You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet," Dr. Andersson says, "but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity -- they feel there's nothing they can do about it, so they just internalize their frustration until they finally explode."
Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone's work load, she explains. "Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the 'recycle bin' of her computer and then emptied it -- she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again."
Too bad this isn't real. Back in typewriter days, mine was on the fritz and I hand-wrote a note to a client bigwig, gave it to my secretary to type it and said to send it to Mr. Bigwig. She did.
When I asked the next day why I hadn't gotten the letter to sign, she said she had already sent it. I asked if she signed my name to it, she said no. I asked why not. She said I had already initialed it. What? I never saw it. She said "You wrote it." What?
Turns out I hadn't TOLD HER to TYPE the letter. She sent the marked-out, messed-up, doodled-on draft.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman, KS.
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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City!
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, !
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker.
She was leaving the company due to "downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
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STAY ALERT!
They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE
I need to win the lottery.
When I was working in meeting planning, my co-worker had the audacity to work the meeting with house slippers on.
What a corker! I almost died.
It's not the gun that kills, and It's never the question that's stupid.
funny stuff.
We have about two dozen sales and service people I was trying to upgrade their appearance.
I got the GSM to sign off on modest policy standards for appearance, he comes in the next day with Jeans and no socks .
Then he actually has the audacity to ask me why nobody is adhering to the new policy!!!
Nice! I think I have you beat though. I had a girl in the cube next to me a few years ago ask me if she needed extra postage for one envelope to send to New Mexico.
I'm not even kidding you!
Well, here's the antidote: rack your memory - most everyone you ever knew who died was a decent person, right? From here it necessarily follows that the scoundrels, of whom the world is full, live either forever or at least very long. When a stinker finally dies, his/her long anticipated demise etches itself into the memory of mankind and becomes a cause for celebrations [see Castro]. But such events are rare. Hence, by becoming a died-in-the-wool bastard [if one is not one such already] one could dramatically prolong one's life.
this particular co-worker used to eat chicken at her desk...and the smell of the chicken would send me...out of the zone I needed to get my work done
Ping!
I went into KFC and ordered an 18 piece nuggets.
The clerk, straightfaced said " we only have 3, 6, 12, and 15 piece nuggets".
Well, playing the straight man, I said Which is cheaper a 15 piece and a 3 piece, or 3 -6 pieces"
She said "I don't know", and called the manager...
Now I have the fish nibbling on the bait, so I asked "While I'm at it, how much is a 12 and a 6 piece".
The manager couldn't figure it out, so turned to the clerk and said" just charge him for 15 pieces".
Keeping it going as long as possible, I said" If you charged me for a 12 and a 3, while giving me 18, is that any cheaper?"
The guy behind me was laughing so hard I thought he was going to have a heart attack (how is that for getting back on subject?)
These guys are stupid....so they can't understand how to turn on the postage meter? Ah, turn the key, maybe?
I've worked some pretty bad jobs.
Had a customer come into a store I was working at ask for cigarettes. I I sold her one pack. She then told me she had asked for two. As I rang her up she complained snottily,"now I'll have to pay sales tax again".
At an automotive shop a co-worker was beating the hell out of the hinge pins on the tailgate of a dumptruck. I went over, lowered the tailgate, tapped the pin gently out and as I walked back to my project he raised the tailgate back up and began beating the hell out of the next pin.
A busboy at a restraunt I was working at decided that it would be easier to clean the meat slicer if he turned it on .
Found some more;
There is the old saying that truth is stranger than fiction. How true this is when you realize that some of the dumb things people do, that even a gagman writer for our professional comedians couldn't think some of these up. Here are true stories about some of the dumbest things that people did in the year 2003. All of these people should be required to wear an "IDIOT" sign on their chests when they go out and about in public!
Idiot No. 1 -In Atlanta, a medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. This woman called in very upset, because she caught her little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured that the ants are not harmful, and there would be no need to bring daughter into the hospital. As she calmed down at the end of the conversation, she just happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. She was told that she had better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away. {Here's your sign lady! Wear it with pride}.
Idiots No. 2 -In Seattle, it seems that last year, some of Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's. They were actually successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing. {Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint might run}.
Idiot No. 3 -In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this is a stick up. Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line, waiting, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and would notify the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, she told him that she could not accept his stickup note, because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America. {Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it}.
Idiot No. 4 -A motorist was unknowingly caught in a Chicago automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40.00 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.00. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.00 fine. {Another sign, although, this guy might be onto something worth thinking about!}
Idiot No. 5 -In New York City a guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash a bag, the robber saw a bottle of single malt scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21-years old." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the liquor to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 years old, and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. The robber was arrested two hours later. {Folks, remind me to have more signs printed up after we give this guy his!}
Idiot No. 6 -A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Don't anybody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him! {This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured it out himself}.
Idiot No. 7 -It seems this guy in Arkansas wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. {Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign}!
Idiot No. 8 -In Ann Arbor, Michigan, The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down, because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Idiot No. 9 -Now I really like this one! As a female shopper exited a Baltimore convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give the police a detailed description of the purse-snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. The thief was taken back to the store and taken out of the police car and told to stand there so they could get a positive identification. To which the thief replied, "Yes sir officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from!" {Now this guy has his own number on his sign}. Please note folks, that these people are allowed to vote!
True, but at least we didn't have to pay for this one!
I was recently learning the ropes of college financial aid. So far all paperwork was to be turned in to the F.A. office, but at the moment I was looking at a student loan form. It began to dawn on me that I would submit this form directly to a lender rather than through the FA office.
Me: "Ohhh... so I take this to my own financial institution?"
Woman behined desk, in a stern scolding tone of voice: "NO... you take it to your bank."
'recycle bin' of her computer and then emptied it -- she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again."
I couldn't agree more. Recycle is just bad terminology for the 'literalists' among us...
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