PET RULES (Humor Alert!)

PET RULES
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes
are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle
of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish,
nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary
to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the
other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle
I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to
pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance
is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

1 posted on 09/08/2006 1:18:44 PM PDT by areafiftyone

To: areafiftyone

Makes sense to me (and I don't even own a pet currently)...

Thanks,

2 posted on 09/08/2006 1:27:08 PM PDT by Friend_from_the_Frozen_North (Temps in the high 70s & low 80s this summer - guess ALGORE is right - we are in Global Warming!)

To: areafiftyone

It would have been so much better is the mention of cats was excluded.

3 posted on 09/08/2006 1:28:50 PM PDT by Manfred the Wonder Dawg (Test ALL things, hold to that which is True.)

To: Friend_from_the_Frozen_North

I don't either but my friend has three Boston Terriers and when she gets home they perform the BTE (Boston Terrier Expressway) around the house.

4 posted on 09/08/2006 1:30:38 PM PDT by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers - Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason)

To: areafiftyone

I thought all *Pets* are Kings and Queens..I know mine are and they sure don't mind treating me as thier personal slave...LOL

5 posted on 09/08/2006 1:42:06 PM PDT by Judy Jetsun

To: areafiftyone

6 posted on 09/08/2006 1:42:18 PM PDT by Lucky9teen ( If you can't, you must. If you must, you can.)

To: areafiftyone

3. Are easier to train

That's debatable...

7 posted on 09/08/2006 1:50:30 PM PDT by G8 Diplomat

To: areafiftyone

8 posted on 09/08/2006 4:08:37 PM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)

To: areafiftyone

I STILL can't figure out how a 30 lb. dog can stretch out to completely hog a queen sized bed!

9 posted on 09/08/2006 7:26:53 PM PDT by toothfairy86

To: toothfairy86

Don't know about a 30 lb dog or a king sized bed. But a 40 lb dog can hog a queen size bed. Now that we have a 65 lb dog (think Benji on steroids), we have serious conflict!

10 posted on 09/08/2006 7:57:18 PM PDT by Manfred the Wonder Dawg (Test ALL things, hold to that which is True.)

To: areafiftyone; cabojoe; Conspiracy Guy; Lady Jag; Zacs Mom; glock rocks; MeekOneGOP; sam_paine; ...

Pinging my humor ping list - freepmail me if you want on or off this list.
(This is usually a low volume ping)

11 posted on 09/09/2006 11:20:55 AM PDT by RebelTex (Help cure diseases: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1548372/posts)

funniest video I have seen in a loooooonnnnnggggggggg time:

http://www.glumbert.com/media/cattoilet.html

12 posted on 09/09/2006 11:48:18 AM PDT by bitt ("And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.")

ROTFLMAO

You just have to wonder what's going through that cat's mind, LOL.

13 posted on 09/09/2006 12:18:47 PM PDT by RebelTex (Help cure diseases: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1548372/posts)

To: toothfairy86

Two eleven pound cats can effectively stretch out to completely block a king sized bed. And don't get me started on the space the 22-pounder takes up.

14 posted on 09/09/2006 12:23:30 PM PDT by Not A Snowbird (Official RKBA Landscaper and Arborist, Duchess of Green Leafy Things)

To: areafiftyone

Reminds me:

Dog is mans' best friend. But, who needs a friend who doesn't have any money and drinks from a toilet?

15 posted on 09/11/2006 5:58:45 AM PDT by SMARTY ("Stay together, pay the soldiers and forget everything else." Lucius Septimus Severus)

LOL And then they want to give you a kiss right after! LOL

16 posted on 09/11/2006 6:04:45 AM PDT by areafiftyone (Politicians Are Like Diapers - Both Need To Be Changed Often And For The Same Reason)

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