Replies

TGIF

Thank GOD II’sFriday!

Thank GOD I'm Forgiven

Thank GOD I'm Free

Chime in with YOUR point of view, answers to the questions

Work place trouble makers. I'm always amazed how one person is allowed to make so many people miserable. Thankfully I am not dealing with that now but I have seen it in the past.

Hi Dolly & all

I think at the present moment, I am the latter TGIF, and PGFW (Please God, Find Work)!

Having a great time in Alaska, and the job hunt is going well. Now been here two weeks, and had 3 interviews and 2 second interviews planned.

It is amazing here, if anyone ever has plans to visit AK, please let me know!!

Regarding "baggage" in a potential partner, I think each of us needs to evaluate what the baggage means. Not all baggage was packed the same way, and the way the baggage was packed may provide information that should be considered. We all have some baggage. The important point is whether two potential partners can arrange all of their baggage in a way that lets them get it all in the trunk.

As always, I have to admit that I don't speak from personal experience. I've never even had a girlfriend, but I've learned some things by watching and listening to others. These are my thoughts about "baggage."

As an example, let's consider debt. Money problems can put huge strains on a marriage, and lack of compatibility in this area often leads to divorce. Debt is a kind of baggage that is related to how people handle money, and therefore this baggage gives some important clues about a potential partner.

What is the source of the debt?

Is this person in $25,000 of debt with nothing to show for that debt except a closet full of shoes or a garage full of fishing rods? A basic principle of life is that we can't consume more than we produce. Someone who doesn't understand that principle is a fool and is not likely to be a good marriage partner. I see nothing wrong with rejecting someone immediately if he or she has a huge debt from foolish living and refuses to see that this irresponsibility is wrong.

Is this person in debt because he or she invested in a small business that didn't succeed? Even people who do everything right will sometimes fail in trying to start a business. That failure and the related debt are not a sign of anything being wrong with the individual who carries that debt. The debt is baggage, but if the relationship is right, that baggage shouldn't be a problem. The most important warning to take from that kind of baggage is that a partner with a strong entrepreneurial drive may rise and fall from debt several times. If someone isn't willing to ride that financial roller coaster, he or she must either persuade the partner to give up that dream or abandon the relationship.

Is this person in debt because he/she made an investment in something worthwhile and is simply waiting for the investment to make returns? For instance, someone who took a loan to get more education and is living carefully and repaying that loan while working at a new job is someone who understands the principle of producing and consuming. The debt is still baggage, but there's much less downside to bringing that baggage into the relationship.

Another question is whether one can afford that debt even if the debt says nothing bad about the debtor. For instance, if one's passion is to some calling that will never pay much money and prevents a spouse from making much money, then a big debt may be more than a relationship can handle regardless of how the debt was accrued. A guy who wants to be a missionary may never be able to pay a big debt run up by his girlfriend. If he's serious about being a missionary but has no way of paying the debt, he may have to let that relationship go while she finds some way to make good on what she owes.

Money issues can be difficult.

There are good people who understand that they can't consume more than they produce but who just don't have the impulse control to stop buying. If they can find a merchant who will take their credit card, they'll buy something. In some cases, their spouses end up having to treat them like children when it comes to money. The spouse will take away all credit cards, checkbooks, and ATM cards. The spouse will dole out cash in small increments and demand a full accounting. For some people, this kind of relationship is fine. Personally, I couldn't tolerate having a wife that I had to treat as a child in that area.

Another issue is how much people are committed to saving. I'm a pretty hard-core saver. To some extent, part of my baggage is that I'm still carrying the fear that my Mom's family felt during the Depression. There are families where both parents work and make good incomes but after ten years of marriage, they have less than $1,000 (or $3,000 or $10,000 or whatever) in savings because everything above that just "burns a hole in their pockets." If they have more than some amount in the checking account, they're going to trade a car, or buy tickets to Europe, or buy all new furniture, or whatever. I remember a friend telling about people he knew whose kids had every toy imaginable but the family had less than $5,000 in savings. I'm trying not to be critical of that lifestyle, and I'm certainly not critical of people who just don't make enough money to save. However, I wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't committed to saving and investing.

One of my pieces of baggage is the fact that I've never really had a girlfriend. While women can say that they don't mind a guy who isn't experienced, most of them end up expecting a guy to know things that I just wouldn't know or wouldn't know when to apply. I'm not talking about sexual things as much as basic relationship practices. Because I've never had a girlfriend, part of my baggage is that I'm going to need much more "just us" time than many other guys my age. Because of this need, my baggage just isn't going to fit into the trunk with a woman whose baggage is that she has kids from a previous relationship.

Anyway, these are just some thoughts. We appear to be headed for a dead thread alert, but maybe there will be enough criticism of these thoughts to get us over the 50 post mark.

Bill

While in Jr HS I wanted to prove that a watched pot boils at the same time that a non-watched pot boils. I got his from the saying "A watched pot never boils" I proved this wrong while I was in first grade by watching a pot till it boiled. Well If I watched both pots till they boiled I would not have a unwatched pot. They problem has been any way I can think of measuring when the non-wacthed pot boils is watching it. This has become a conundrum and if it weren't for the the fact it has keeping awake at night for several years I could deal with this failure.

Tired in Temecula. I don't really live in Temecula but it sounds better.