MORFORD: Black Friday Die Die Die

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 11/28/7 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

America's most obscene shopping day meets its doom in an oily nightmare hell. All true!

Is this why they hate us? Why we hate ourselves? Is this why we seem to have no real idea who the hell we are anymore, or what it means to have a humane and thoughtful national identity, and therefore we happily scratch and claw and fight our way into giant fluorescent-lit hellpits for a chance at a $29 DVD player and some crappy plasma TVs and a pallet of heavily discounted spatulas?

More broadly: Is this why we're suffering such a general feeling of ennui and disgust and apathy in the culture right now, the nagging feeling that we have no center and God has abandoned us and we therefore simply cannot consume enough goods and technology to try and fill the void? The answer seems rather obvious.

I don't even know what Kohl's is. I'm guessing some sort of mass-crap superstore, like Best Buy or Target or T.J. Maxx or a weird amalgam of all of those and it doesn't really matter because last Friday they opened at 4 a.m. for the mad rush of Black Friday shoppers, because if there's one thing you want to do when your body is groggy and sleep tugs at your heart and your dreams have turned vacant and sad, it's grope cheap waffle makers before sunrise.

Wal-Mart opened at 5. Target opened at 6. Across America, gluttony ruled. There were stores that had nothing whatsoever to do with gifting or holiday largess, stores with names like Cabinetry and More or Rug Depot that nevertheless opened at 6 or 7 a.m. on that now-ominous, insane, fateful day,...

[SmithL]

Morfordite Alert

`nuf said

[Publius6961]

This doofus seems to be a master of hyperbole.
I marvelled at his mastery of dark prose, the minions of hell could not provoke such dark, uncompromising condemnation, as his damning of all things human, and the smooth efficiency of a free market and the level of comfort it gives human beings in general and Americans more particularly.

I suppose every activity he participates in, from commuting to work to the energy that powers his laptop (and Starbucks) is not only "green", but "free"!

All this in spite of the ESA, the EPA, the new destructive Corps of Engineers, the Friends of the Dirt, dozens of wildlife activist groups, the ACLU, etc., etc...

The level of "benevolent" fascism simply is not enough for some people.

[mowowie]

This guy needs to change his Tampon.
I have no idea why I read these Morfordite articles, It’s kind of like slowing down to check out a car accident or something.