Posted on 03/28/2008 3:56:43 PM PDT by WFTR
The last thread I hosted was called "The Bucket List" and was based loosely on a movie that I'd never seen. I'm repeating the idea of threads about movies I've never seen again this week. In my defense, this one wasn't my idea. Someone else suggested a discussion of platonic friendships between men and women and the idea from the "Harry met Sally" movie that those friendships can't exist. I'm going to add an idea from a news story this week in part because the story seemed amusing and in part because I wonder whether there is a connection.
From what I've heard, the idea behind the movie When Harry Met Sally is that men, or at least Bill Crystal's character, believe that they can never have a truly platonic relationship with a woman because they'll eventually want to have sex with that woman. I don't remember whether this idea applies only to situations where the man feels a strong physical attraction to a woman or whether any man will eventually want to have sex with any woman. Apparently, "Harry" claims that this desire will eventually doom the friendship because the man won't be able to endure the stress of the unfulfilled desire.
The second part of the topic is a short article that was published this week claiming that the happiest marriages are those where the woman is more physically attractive than the man. The whole article is only a few sentences and can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340869,00.html. Important points in the article include the fact that only 82 couples were included in the study and that they had been married only six months. The study that led to the article requires a subscription to read, so I don't know whether the details of the study strengthen the idea.
Combining these topics leads to several points of discussion.
First, do you agree with the idea that men and women cannot form platonic friendships? Are those friendships destined to be disrupted by sexual desire on one side or the other? If so, does that desire generally come from the man? If those friendships are possible, what are the factors that lead to those friendships and what are the factors that make them impossible? Is appearance a big part of the equation?
Secondly, do you agree with the idea that marriages will generally be better if the woman is more attractive than the man? Obviously, if you're a guy, you're going to look at any couple and find the woman more attractive, but in a more objective sense, will the relationship be stronger if the woman is more attractive? If you're a gal, you're likely to see things just the opposite, but the same question applies.
Haven’t you ever found yourself attracted to someone after you gotten to know them based on their soul & personality? What happens if they lose their physical attractiveness due to an accident or something that we all experience - aging? I think the really good marriages are the ones of that unconditional love - no matter what happens to your physicality, the soul-to-soul connection is what carries you and transcends physicality. I think if you’re lucky enough to find that, you’re lucky indeed.
LOL - Harry, too. :)
I really felt as if I were kissing my brother. The guy is drop-dead gorgeous.....but “something” didn’t sit well. We had a great platonic relationship because we liked the same activities, had the same faith, etc....and just hung out together on group outings... until I got married.
I think it’s a permanant malignancy which is attributed to ....or caused by testosterone. :)
There are dormant ones?
Somehow--the fire did NOT burn through that paper(which CANNOT be explained by normal means) and no damage was done, other than a LOT of smoke, which I quickly fanned out of the window...
Since then...I have been a LOT more careful about fire(except around barbecue grills and lighter fluid, or campfires...)
That should have read “after I came a HAIR from”....
I have a lot of women I consider good friends. Most of whom I used to run with when I volunteered for a EMS service. We still keep in touch as much as possible.
One woman is a very classy and smart person but has such bad judgement with relationships I call her the Lee Harvey Oswald of relationships.
Would I like to have a more than friend type relationship with her, yes. Will it happen, most likely not. I would rather not risk losing a good friend.
Kristen, if you are out there reading this, remember what Phil Esterhause from “ Hill Street blues” used to say.
HEY< LETS BE CAREFUL OUT THERE”
I've known women for whom I felt only a moderate attraction and then developed a much greater attraction once I came to know who they were as people. In one or two cases, I've come to regard them as among the most beautiful women that I've ever known. However, I always recognized that they were fairly attractive women. Again, in a couple of cases, most of the guys I knew regarded them as gorgeous, and I thought that they were okay but not that spectacular. Soul and personality can turn a moderate attraction into a strong attraction.
On the other hand, I've spent a great deal of time around women for whom I felt a negative physical attraction. We were friends, and we liked one another as friends. I'm no Brad Pitt, so the situation wasn't one of charity on my part. I'm simply saying that no amount of liking them as individuals ever brought me to be attracted to them physically or romantically as women. I never felt any kind of sexual desire for them. In some current cases, I see no chance of my ever feeling any kind of sexual desire.
Another important point with some of these women is that I like them as individuals but find certain of their personality traits very unattractive. In some cases, I see these traits as something that is negative in a very general sense for any woman (or any person for that matter). In other cases, I see these traits as something that might be fine for another guy but would be completely wrong for a romantic partner for me. Just as no one has a perfect face or body, no one has a perfect soul or personality. I'm not trying to attack these women. I'm just saying that people can have a good friendship without being attracted to the soul and personality in a way that would lead to desire for anything more than a friendship.
In terms of what would happen if I found someone with whom I had mutual attraction, we married, and she lost her attraction, I would try to stay with her. I don't know whether I would still feel any sexual desire. I don't think any of us can ever know what we'd feel until we faced that situation. However, I would try to do the right thing and maintain the marriage.
Personally, I don't believe that aging changes attraction that much once a relationship is established. Plenty of attractive women remain attractive for a long time. They may no longer have a perfect figure. They may develop wrinkles, but the basic attractiveness remains. If a woman gave me her best, I can't see myself feeling less for her simply because she had grown older.
I’m much like you in that I don’t like tricks played on me and rarely play them on others. Some of the tricks that I’ve played were unintentional and became tricks only because someone misinterpreted something I said or did in the wrong but funniest way. Furthermore, many tricks require one to be able to act or lie a little bit. I always tell people trying to draw me into those tricks, “If I were capable of telling that kind of lie, first I’d be married and secondly I’d be in management.”
I don't care for tomatoes whatever they are. I eat apples occasionally, but I'm not excited about them. I used to prefer the red ones. Now, I tend to go for some variety of green apples. Oranges are okay, but I don't like them enough to eat them as often as I should. Bananas would be good if they didn't have all of those strings and didn't bruise or spoil so easily. I haven't had a pear in a long time. I like some of them a little bit. I'm not a peach fan either.
I hate peas and lima beans. I actually hate most kinds of beans.
In terms of TV, I've watched a little bit of sports this weekend and a little bit of Fox News. Julie Banderas has been hosting the Fox Report for the past two weekends. Needless to say, I'm happy about that, but I don't watch enough to feel as if I'm being creepy.
Originally, Laurie showed a friendship towards me, but I was not too eager to trust her, and it took a LOT of time before I would “let my guard down” to her—to where we could share some pretty serious things with each other. For awhile, we had a “minor” friendship, where I would talk some to her when she did my hair, but I STILL did not really “open up to her”, until last fall, when I came back to that salon(after NOT having been there for several months, due to some remorse over a HS friend passing away early last summer), and Laurie seemed to pull closer to me, and was quite instrumental in helping me to “get over” the feeling that I had not “done enough” for Rodney while he was still alive. She then began giving me those nice, long, warm hugs I now get EVERY time I see her, and showing more interest in things going on in my life. By Christmas, we had a couple of semi-political discussions, dealing with trying to ban Santa claus, and people of other religions and pagan beliefs and such trying to “force” their beliefs on us(and she WAS TOTALLY on the “right side” in all of it—in fact..she taught me to say “have a BLESSED Christmas” instead of “merry Christmas”.) Still, up to this time, we only saw each other at the salon about once a month, sometimes a bit more often. She had requested that I email her sometimes, but I never did, for fear of another “Holly” situation arising.
Then, in January, when Mom got sick, and I had to have her rushed to the hospital, and after it was all over and mom was back at home and Ok(but quite weak for awhile), I had no one to talk to, could not sleep much and generally felt like I would “lose it” Laurie saw that SOMETHING was seriously wrong, and I tried to hide it,(I was not sure how she would handle things) but she was not fooled and I completely opened up to hr about things. She was SO comforting and reassuring to me, and such and offered to BE THERE TO TALK TO, whenever I needed it—through email or phone calls. I was not sure if this was ok, but she ASSURED me that it would not cause trouble for her in any way—as long as I did not call all of the time, or write her all of the time. That REALLY touched me—and I FINALLY relented, and began writing her once in a while to let her know what was going on and such—and she responded with gentle, caring encouraging responses.
Also, in Feb(Valentines day night) I had her do my hair that night and that time SHE needed ME to “be the listener”. This has happened a couple of times since. Being able to help her, made ME feel better, about being alone for V-Day.
And then too—she has been VERY encouraging towards me about my idea I am working on—and in the near future, we BOTH may be working together on an Idea of HERS. Perhaps, I may even be involved in some "fun" activities with her and her husband in the very near future, like outings and such. I would LOVE that--as I typically have NO ONE to do ANYTHING fun with right now.
Throughout it all--NOTHING inappropriate has been said, or hinted at, by her towards me--nor have I done so towards her. She is attractive, and has told me I was too(in reminding me that I am NOT unattractive, like I often think I am.) No doubt there may be some "feelings" there, but she suppresses them, as do I- we are BOTH Christians--and plan to keep it that way. If, in the future, I "find someone", I hope that she will not mind my friendship with Laurie. She has been more of a friend towards me than just about ANY woman I have known, and any future girlfriend had better not find our friendship a problem--otherwise, that WOULD be a problem for me and the girlfriend.
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