***The OFFICIAL Weekend Singles Thread*** March 28-30 - Platonic Friends and Marrying Ugly

The last thread I hosted was called "The Bucket List" and was based loosely on a movie that I'd never seen. I'm repeating the idea of threads about movies I've never seen again this week. In my defense, this one wasn't my idea. Someone else suggested a discussion of platonic friendships between men and women and the idea from the "Harry met Sally" movie that those friendships can't exist. I'm going to add an idea from a news story this week in part because the story seemed amusing and in part because I wonder whether there is a connection.

From what I've heard, the idea behind the movie When Harry Met Sally is that men, or at least Bill Crystal's character, believe that they can never have a truly platonic relationship with a woman because they'll eventually want to have sex with that woman. I don't remember whether this idea applies only to situations where the man feels a strong physical attraction to a woman or whether any man will eventually want to have sex with any woman. Apparently, "Harry" claims that this desire will eventually doom the friendship because the man won't be able to endure the stress of the unfulfilled desire.

The second part of the topic is a short article that was published this week claiming that the happiest marriages are those where the woman is more physically attractive than the man. The whole article is only a few sentences and can be found at http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,340869,00.html. Important points in the article include the fact that only 82 couples were included in the study and that they had been married only six months. The study that led to the article requires a subscription to read, so I don't know whether the details of the study strengthen the idea.

First, do you agree with the idea that men and women cannot form platonic friendships? Are those friendships destined to be disrupted by sexual desire on one side or the other? If so, does that desire generally come from the man? If those friendships are possible, what are the factors that lead to those friendships and what are the factors that make them impossible? Is appearance a big part of the equation?

Secondly, do you agree with the idea that marriages will generally be better if the woman is more attractive than the man? Obviously, if you're a guy, you're going to look at any couple and find the woman more attractive, but in a more objective sense, will the relationship be stronger if the woman is more attractive? If you're a gal, you're likely to see things just the opposite, but the same question applies.

Very sad.

I know a man at work who remained friendly with his first wife and even when in relationships with other women insisted she was still a friend if the women could not cope with that then he would see her alone but would not cut her off completely. This always seemed strange to me as she was the one that walked out on him and hurt him so much that for years he would not have any friendship with women apart from platonic but strangely enough during that period he seemed to relate to women more than men. Maybe because especially in those days about 25 years ago it was more usual for the women to be walked out on than the man.

The way she did was left a note on the ironing board one morning told him she had ironed his shirt and was off and that the marriage was over. I often think that she wanted children and he did not and she knew no other way of doing this as he was not going to change and agree to have children.

She went ahead and had a child and I think married twice more both times the marriage failed and know she is back with my work colleague and has moved into his house. His parents are thrilled and no doubt hope that eventually they may remarry.

I like melon, pears, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, kiwi, pineapple, some apples and some banannas. I am sure I have left some fruit out that I like, I like it be often cannot be bothered to prepare it and find it easier to eat a biscuit or packet of crisps.

Veg most veg apart from leaf vegetables such as cabbage and lettuce but I like most of the rest.

About the only leaf veg I like is spinach.

I am not good at April Fools jokes but have had them played on me several times. Sometimes I fall for them and other times I do not. We have a saying of white rabbit if you that in first they cannot play an April fool on you. This also applied to the pinch and punch for the for the first of the month if you say white rabbit first then they cannot do the pinch and punch thing.

I love cauliflower cheese. When I was little my mum would make this for a main meal.

She would boil the whole cauliflower up minus any green leaves but not cut it up then when soft pour over a cheese sauce, grate some more cheese over the top and pop in hot oven until cheese on top crisped.

Attraction is a strange thing I can look at a man or women and think that they look attractive and would be attractive to their opposite sex someone else may not see the physical attraction.

There are also people that virtually everyone would say are attractive and
in the case of women beautiful but still there can be no actual attraction in the sense of sexual or romantic attraction.

The baby thing is interesting, in fact in some cases I have heard women say nowadays that they tend to leave the babies with them too long especially if the delivery has been very exhausting and stressful.

In Britain they tend to leave the baby with the mother all the time unless they deem in the few cases that the mother does need a few hours rest.

Again I guess it comes down to being clear on what you want and also willing to speak up if you change your mind.

I think this is why home births are becoming more popular again or mid wife lea births in hospital as I think most women would rather have less intervention that more which can sometime result if a doctor is involved in the actual delivery. I watched a TV program on home births the other day where a women said that had she been in hospital she would have had either a mechanically assisted birth or even a C Section but at home the mid wife was much more willing to let her have a longer labour after ensuring the baby was not stressed than she would have been allowed in hospital. Also she could do what she wanted even go make a cup of tea if she so wished.

Corn has only recently well last 25 years or so caught on in Britain as a vegetable for humans my dad still thinks of it as animal feed.

To make it even more complicated in Britain we used to always refer to it as maize but because of the corn on the cob and more exposure to American type food and ways especially with KFC etc (where I first came across corn on the cob) we know tend to call the human maize sweetcorn.

I agree.....but I hesitate to saddle anyone else with the mistakes of my past. I don't have insurmountable debt... but to me it's large because it's more than I've ever had to deal with alone. So...in the meantime and for the next 3 years, I don't make any major purchases, keep entertainment to a minimum (not a problem there since I work all the time) and I should have everything paid off.

Most of my debt came from the circumstances after my ex's heart attack (medical bills) and his refusal to share the responsibility.......and my school loans.

Financial problems are a huge hindrance in relationship.... and agree with Bill in that I would hesitate to get involved with anyone else who has alot of debt.....especially after having lived with the fallout from someone's irresponsibility, myself.

I understand exactly where you are coming from and yes it is not fair to saddle someone else with your debt and that is not something I would suggest.

What I was trying to say was that if someone had been or was in debt the way they coped with it and reasons for it are more important than the debt however if the debt is still outstanding and is prior to the relationship starting the it should be your responsibility to sort it out and even draw up an agreement with a new partner to that effect if it is something that will take a few years to pay off.

I certainly would not get involved with someone because of it though I might think twice about making a major commitment of either marriage or living with someone whilst the debt was outstanding if I would be able to pay if off within a reasonable period say a few months to a year. Over that as I said above I would think about possibly drawing up a legal document so that my new partner was not legally responsible for it should the relationship not work out and I would continue to pay it off myself unless my new partner was very well off and insisted on paying it off (basically if he had the means that really he did not notice the extra cash each month and therefore to him it was not a big deal). Even in this case I would ensure that I therefore contributed in other ways to home or put the money away if I could for a holiday or surprise treat etc.

I would agree being in love is not a prerequisite especially as one gets older but I think there should be some sort of attraction either to the person's personality or their physical looks, just to feel comfortable or being a mere friend I do not think would work.

If you were a soul-mate type of friend where you can tell them anything and everything then I think it can work because you would love that person as a person and it can even be the unconditional type of love that one would associate with a partner or child but not necessarily the Eros type of love that one might insist upon when younger.

On the other hand I also find seeing an older couple who are obviously in love and still desire each other after 20 or 30 or even 40 years together I find much more erotic that seeing a couple in their teen or twenties all over each other. That certain look that the older couple give each other accompanied with a squeeze of the hand or peck on the cheek can convey so much more and is often done unconsciously and without any embarrassment.

Yes, there should be some kind of attraction on some level. I'm sure no man wants to be tied down to a hag no matter how limited the relationship! And vice versa. lol You do need to be seen in public with them after all. However, the more you get to know someone, the less important you find their looks to be - and the less you seem to notice what you might previously have thought to be an imperfection, etc.

"I think it can work because you would love that person as a person and it can even be the unconditional type of love that one would associate with a partner or child but not necessarily the Eros type of love that one might insist upon when younger."

Yes, I'm saying just that. Romantic love is not a "must". The older you are the more you realize that. It's nicer that way, but not all important.

I found this on Stumble yesterday and I just have to share. You may have seen it before, but I thought it was just so funny!

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world, so he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Rome. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000 per call' The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Moscow. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Rome and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for S10,000 he could talk to God. 'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then traveled to France, Israel, Germany and Brazil. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with a '$10,000 per call' sign under it. The American finally decided to travel to the UK to see if the British had the same phone. He arrived in York and again, in the Minster, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '20p per call.' The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Reverend, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere I went the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?' The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Yorkshire now Lad, - it's only a local call'

I was also raised with the idea of conserving resources to save money. As I’ve become older, I’ve found myself leaving some lights on permanently for security or safety reasons. Many of my lights are on timers and go on and off all night at all times. That way, someone casually observing my house wouldn’t know when I’m gone on vacation or business travel. I’ve also found that I tend to become lost easily in my own house if I awake in the dark. I keep some lights on all the time just to ensure that I can navigate a little bit if I find myself waking up and needing to do something. For most of these lights, I’ve switched to the new fluorescent bulbs. The energy savings is nice, and in a place as hot as Louisiana, I like not putting more heat in the room.

Your point about the outside pressures is very good. I’ve been in that position of not wanting to give the impression that a friendship might be romantic and being concerned that people would make that assumption. I’ve never had a big problem with people bothering me because they thought a friend was outside my social class, but I can see where that pressure could be a problem.

I agree that the reason for a debt can be the important issue in whether someone would be a good partner. I would be very unlikely to have a serious relationship with someone who carried debt just because she liked to buy clothes, shoes, or furniture on the credit card. If she has emergency expenses that couldn’t be avoided, then I’d have to look at the situation more carefully.

Attraction is a strange thing I can look at a man or women and think that they look attractive and would be attractive to their opposite sex someone else may not see the physical attraction.

Do you think this factor is different for men and women? I've often felt that if twenty women were asked to rate the best looking man in a group of ten or twenty men, they'd have a wide variety of choices. If twenty men were asked to rate the best looking woman, they'd mostly agree on just two or three women.

I know what you mean about putting large parts of your salary into retirement savings. I get some pension from the company whether I contribute or not, but we also have a program where I can put money into an account and not be taxed on that money. Because my pension will be much less than that of most of my peers, I’m trying to contribute heavily to my retirement account. I’ve been contributing around 15% and may go up to 20% this year. I can afford that loss without too much difficulty, but I sometimes wish I could spend as much as some of my friends do.

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