PRAYERS CERTAINLY.
Have you seen that Christian movie . . . what is it . . .
FIRE STORM?
IF YOU HAVEN’T PLEASE DO.
You might also look up ATTACHMENT DISORDER on the net and read some good summary articles.
You might also pray about stepping back for a bit and avoiding trying to persuade her otherwise.
The odds are that she has a deeply entrenched polarity response to ALMOST anything you might say or do at present. That is, she will be compelled to think/say/do LEFT if you say RIGHT; DOWN if you say UP, OUT, if you say IN etc.
You might prayerfully compose the most vulnerable letter and conciliatory letter possible with great sacrificial vulnerability but NO GROVELING. You must have self-respect for her to respect you.
At some point, you will need to say something like . . .
IT GRIEVES ME TO MY BONE MARROW for you to take this stance. HOwever, God and I will go on. He is my Lord, Savior, Protector, High Tower, Provider, Comforter, Sustainer, covering, Help, my ALL sufficiency . . .
I WOULD PREFER-TO-THE-MAX to go on mutually supportively with you the rest of my life. However, I will not grovel and follow you into the ditch. I’m quite capable of making my own costly mistakes without sucking up to and joining you in yours.
I’m more than willing to look at and learn and do what I can to correct my errors and sins in our relationship.
However, I don’t think this is about that. I think this, at some level, is about selfishness, rebellion, doing one’s own thing. I grieve TO WHATEVER DEGREE THAT IS—because those things have ALWAYS BEEN VERY COSTLY TO ME WHENEVER I’ve indulged in them.
In any case . . . I grieve over you and your choices currently. At some point, you will certainly have to deal with them on your own as you seem to be insisting on so forcefully at present. All of us who love you will grieve for you.
Certainly we all make our choices and pay our own prices.
I pray that before it’s too late, you will seek God’s Highest and comply fully with HIS EXPECTATIONS about what that is REGARDLESS OF ANYONE AND EVERYONE ELSE.
Most Sincerely,
You might also, MM, prayerfully make a list of all the horrible to somewhat less than your highest things you’ve done and failings you’ve engaged in, in the relationship. I wouldn’t share it yet. There would likely come a time to share it. Avoid being easy on yourself. Get it all down on paper so you can look at it at arm’s length and so there’s no equivocating if and when you share it with her.
Ask your kids for their input on the issue.
THEN ALSO, SIT DOWN AND WRITE DOWN ALL THE THINGS YOU’VE DONE RIGHT IN THE MARRIAGE AND AS A FATHER. Ask your kids for input on that.
THEN ALSO, SIT DOWN AND WRITE DOWN ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE LIKED, ENJOYED AND LOVED about your wife. Ask yourself, The Lord and your kids which of those things you communicated to her well about and which you did not. Ask The Lord what HE would have you do about all that.
That’s all I have off the top of my head.
GOD BE WITH YOU.
RIGHT,
FIREPROOF NOT FIRE STORM.
GET FIREPROOF ASAP.
REALLY
ASAP.
Quix, thank you so very very much for your lengthy and splendid response. ALL taken to heart, my friend.
MM
Quix - I sent a private reply to MM and then read your post. It was a little freaky b/c though you said things quite differently, we both said several of the exact same things.
Wow.