Business Proposition to the Government Age Counseling Agency [vanity]

My twisted mind | August 04, 2009 | Attention Surplus Disorder

[Attention Surplus Disorder]

Office of Government Health Care Counseling
21220 "L" Street
Washington, DC 20021

Dear Sirs:

I am anticipating the passage of some form of single payer, government controlled health plan later this year. I congratulate the Congress and our young president for the foresight and leadership they have displayed in this complex program so essential to the future prosperity and good health of our country.

The reason for this letter is that I would like to be directed to the agency that will be handling the franchises for the disposition and processing of people deemed surplus to the productive needs of the nation once the program is enacted. For preliminary purposes, I believe the following table will suffice for estimate purposes:

Age Distribution by Sex, 2000
Male Female
Number Percent Number Percent
Total Population 138,053,563 49.06% 143,368,343 50.94%
0-4 9,810,733 3.49% 9,365,065 3.33%
5-9 10,523,277 3.74% 10,026,228 3.56%
10-14 10,520,197 3.74% 10,007,875 3.56%
15-19 10,391,004 3.69% 9,828,886 3.49%
20-24 9,687,814 3.44% 9,276,187 3.30%
25-29 9,798,760 3.48% 9,582,576 3.41%
30-34 10,321,769 3.67% 10,188,619 3.62%
35-39 11,318,696 4.02% 11,387,968 4.05%
40-44 11,129,102 3.95% 11,312,761 4.02%
45-49 9,889,506 3.51% 10,202,898 3.63%
50-54 8,607,724 3.06% 8,977,824 3.19%
55-59 6,508,729 2.31% 6,960,508 2.47%
60-64 5,136,627 1.83% 5,668,820 2.01%
65-69 4,400,362 1.56% 5,133,183 1.82%
70-74 3,902,912 1.39% 4,954,529 1.76%
75-79 3,044,456 1.08% 4,371,357 1.55%
80-84 1,834,897 0.65% 3,110,470 1.11%
85+ 1,226,998 0.44% 3,012,589 1.07%

Adding the percentage numbers of those aged 65 and higher, these segments of the population appear to constitute 12.43% of the overall population of 181,000,000 as of year 2000, or roughly 22,444,000 people. Naturally, with our higher population in 2009, estimated at 330,000,000, 12.43% of that number would be just over 41 million people. If the program as eventually adopted permits population aging to 70 years, then there still remains somewhat over 27 million people who will require processing and disposition.

I believe my company, which operates a medium-scale funeral home and chemical processing plant, would be in an excellent position to utilize surplus people as feedstock for a number of processes which have been proven, at least on the laboratory scale, to generate useful industrial chemical compounds, some precious metal salvage, and most importantly, very low carbon emissions. There are also prospects for used clothing recycling and redistribution. The processes we employ are proprietary, so I cannot reveal precise details without some acknowledgement of your interest, which I shall await by return mail.

I have carefully researched previously developed methods for this process, and can conclusively state that the methodologies employed during the 1940's, primarily in Europe, have been greatly improved upon; in terms of throughput, usefulness of chemical residues and byproducts, and most especially, pollutant outputs which were of course not even a concern during that era.

I hope you believe my companys' services will provide a useful fit for your program. As a bonus, there are a number of unused former auto-dealership buildings in my area which I believe would be easily adaptable for use as intake centers. These centers furthermore have existing permits for large neon signs which would of course be useful to help direct new inductees to our locations. They have existing cubicles for interviews, and are generally of an open, large square-footage design and layout. They also have drive-thru vehicle access lanes for rapid inductee processing.

Thanks very much for your attention to my request, and if I can answer any questions of if you would like further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Les Flerntner
Flernter Funeral Home
5541 Effluent Drive
Elyria, OH, 44503

[moodyskeptic]

brilliant.

[Attention Surplus Disorder]

Only a moody skeptic would think so, LOL! Thanks!

[GeronL]

lol. oh man.

[wastoute]

Sort of a "Modest Proposal?"

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[Attention Surplus Disorder]

ping.