Posted on 08/28/2009 5:57:17 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
“And kids these days. They get pregnant from eating chicken. It’s finger lickin’ good and one thing leads to another.”
Who can take yer money, with a twinkle in their eye?
The Government Can!
Good one.
Let’s see if I can get this one right......
A newlywed couple enter their hotel room on their honeymoon and start to undress. The husband removes his trousers, hands them to his wife and says, “Here put these on.”
The wife replies, “They’re too big, I can’t wear your pants!”
To which the husband replies, “Just remember who wears the pants in this family.”
They continue to undress and eventually the wife hands her panties to her husband. “You put these on.”
The husband says, “They’re too small, I can’t get into your panties.”
Wife’s reply? “And you won’t until you change your attitude.”
afip - Another National Lampoon pic for ya
This Christopher Reeve Video came origionally from National Lampoon Online, not there any more. Ted Kennedy Meets Christopher Reeve
I'm a big Nat Lamp fan
That’d be it
Cracked me up...
The wisdom of Larry the cable guy
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments..
13. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
14. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
21 Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering ‘What the heck happened?’
23. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
24. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. (Just check out Obama when he loses his Teleprompter to see the truth of this one!)
25. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Your welcome.
THE IRONY OF LIFE.
Men:
1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don’t really care for them.
4. Although they don’t really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.
Women:
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just “an old rag”.
6. Although their clothes are always “just an old rag”, they still expect you to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don’t believe you.
I’d say that is spot on, except that I have been following Dave Ramsey for a little while, so the women I respect most don’t fit that description and I didn’t put women in my budget so they are rarely around me....
;-)
One I found...
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