Posted on 09/18/2009 5:34:26 PM PDT by TheVitaminPress
The Russian military has dispatched two of its most advanced nuclear submarines to the Atlantic Ocean, just off the east coast of the United States. While this move may seem confrontational and mysterious, The Vitamin Press has learned specific details regarding the subs’ Top Secret mission. Russian intelligence has been actively monitoring all transmissions and media originating from the United States for years. Recently, many in the Russian intelligence community have been investigating transmissions from the United States regarding a submarine only 30.5 cm (1 ft) in length at a cost of less than 160 rubles (aprox. $5 U.S.). Russian military scientists believed this submarine to be a fighting drone, added to the United States arsenal after the successes of the MQ-9 Reaper unmanned aerial vehicle in Iraq.
However, an error which occurred during translation of intercepted transmissions threatens to embarrass the Russian military if leaked to the international community. In an exclusive interview, The Vitamin Press spoke to a Russian defector regarding this translation error and how it was discovered. When the Russian submarines arrived in the United States, they immediately began their search for the 30.5 cm submarines. “They traced the source of these inexpensive submarines using a variety of techniques such as triangulation and Wikipedia,” said the defector. ”What they found was a small restaurant selling long sandwiches they referred to as subs. I wouldn’t want to be the one in Russian intelligence who originated this misunderstanding.”
It turns out the Russians found and obtained the subs they were looking for. As a bonus, they reportedly even acquired a few cookies, though any evidence of those cookies has since disappeared. The defector was originally among the crew of one of the Russian submarines. After missing his rendezvous with his sub while refilling his cup of Nestea, he decided to defect and stay in the United States. As a result of this mission, U.S. military officials at the Pentagon have already given Russian subs a new nickname: Jareds.
Funny stuff. I got yer foot long submarine right here. L0L
Why bother with the submarines? Just call Obama and tell him to send over the secrets.
Here in Texas we call that a condom.
ROFLMAO
we giving them everything?
oh well. didnt work
“Here in Texas we call that a condom.”
HAHAHAHAHAAA!
....and in related news, a Russian company, run as a front for the KGB initiated a psy-ops campaign against US troop morale by placing a large order with a US condom manufacturer as military procurement, specifying 3” diameter by 14” length per condom. The CIA learned of the campaign and launched a counter-operation.... they instructed the condom manufacturer to fill the order and label each box ‘Size:Medium’.
“Here in Texas we call that a condom.”
HAHAHAHAHAAA!
....and in related news, a Russian company, run as a front for the KGB initiated a psy-ops campaign against US troop morale by placing a large order with a US condom manufacturer as military procurement, specifying 3” diameter by 14” length per condom. The CIA learned of the campaign and launched a counter-operation.... they instructed the condom manufacturer to fill the order and label each box ‘Size:Medium’.
"Andrei, you've lost another submarine?"
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