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Kids these days (incompetent and irresponsible adult children)
Boston Globe ^ | February 27, 2010 | Bella English

Posted on 02/28/2010 5:16:21 AM PST by reaganaut1

A lot of us have what is known as an “adult child.’’ It sounds like an oxymoron, but for those of us with offspring in their late teens and early 20s, the emphasis is more on the “child.’’

During the holidays, when my son (18) and daughter (23) were home, the house was full in most ways but empty in others. Empty tank of gas in the car. Empty roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. Empty pitcher of juice in the fridge. Out of fairness to my daughter, I should note that much of this was her brother’s doing.

Science says an 18-year-old’s brain isn’t fully developed. My own research bears this out. To wit: My son, despite my frequent reminders, forgot his contact lenses on a recent family trip to Peru. When we got there, after flying from Boston to Washington, Washington to Miami, Miami to Lima, and Lima to Arequipa - an 18-hour odyssey - we immediately had to find a drugstore and get the lenses. This was after my husband had contacted our son’s eye doctor, who had to fax a prescription there.

Spaciness, of course, extends to both genders. Take my daughter’s best friend, who was staying with us before flying out to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. About an hour before we were to leave for the airport, I heard a scream. “Oh my God, I’ve forgotten my money!’’

It was Sunday afternoon. No banks were open. Her parents live in another state. Worse, the group organizers in Africa required the money to be in $100 bills, none dated before the year 2000. You do not want to know how my husband managed to solve that dilemma in an hour. I’ll just say it was all legal.

(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...


TOPICS: Society
KEYWORDS: adultchildren; spoiled; youngadults
Obviously, parents should be teaching (and enforcing) good habits and life skills while their children are teenagers (and younger), so that adulthood does not come as a shock. The boomer parent author knows something is wrong but tries to reassure herself and her readers at the end:

"On the other hand, boomer parents have been good role models for our children in other ways, including a strong work ethic and social activism. Our kids tend to be confident achievers, thanks to our obsession with education and, yes, ego."

I wonder if she really believes that.

The comments at the Boston Globe site are interesting.

1 posted on 02/28/2010 5:16:21 AM PST by reaganaut1
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To: reaganaut1

...sounds like a little trip to Parris Island or Fort Benning is indicated for Junior. Send his lame ass into the military.


2 posted on 02/28/2010 5:18:14 AM PST by MSF BU (++)
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To: reaganaut1
... we immediately had to find a drugstore and get the lenses. This was after my husband had contacted our son’s eye doctor, who had to fax a prescription there.

You do not want to know how my husband managed to solve that dilemma in an hour. I’ll just say it was all legal.

Is it any surprise as to why these kids cannot act as adults? Their parents keep rescuing them.

3 posted on 02/28/2010 5:21:21 AM PST by pnh102 (Regarding liberalism, always attribute to malice what you think can be explained by stupidity. - Me)
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To: reaganaut1

The writer gives herself away when she referred to her husband’s raising as “extreme” and said that he (her husband) and she both thought her husband’s father was “torturing” him. Good grief!!


4 posted on 02/28/2010 5:33:04 AM PST by chickadee
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To: reaganaut1
I'm sorry, but hobnobbing around the globe, hiking Kilamanjaro and procuring c notes just seems like ... well .... your kids grew up (I assume) pretty much taken care of.

Why should they think ?

5 posted on 02/28/2010 5:34:38 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: pnh102
Is it any surprise as to why these kids cannot act as adults? Their parents keep rescuing them.

Bingo. And in this case, it wasn't even their own child to whom they were incapable of saying, "Well, I'm sorry. You'll just have to miss the trip."

6 posted on 02/28/2010 5:39:33 AM PST by Tax-chick (Cheeseburgers, parrots, volcanos, boats, rum, kittens, machine guns ...)
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To: knarf

“...boomer parents have been good role models for our children in other ways, including a strong work ethic and social activism.”
So how do you accomplish either (except in a touchy-feely-self-esteem way) if you don’t know how to do anything?
No wonder the author’s children are ditzes.


7 posted on 02/28/2010 5:39:47 AM PST by Kanzan
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To: knarf

I agree. Response to the lack of $$, should be — Gosh, that’s too bad. Looks like you have an hour to figure that one out. If you can’t, I’ll make sure to share our pictures with you.

As long as Mom and Dad keep rescuing, Junior keeps learning, “Hey, I can count on parents to work out my problems.”


8 posted on 02/28/2010 5:40:55 AM PST by BelleAl
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To: knarf

Good point I’m seeing that in my Grandkids.


9 posted on 02/28/2010 5:42:17 AM PST by Rappini ("Pro deo et Patria.)
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To: BelleAl
"As long as Mom and Dad keep rescuing, Junior keeps learning, “Hey, I can count on parents to work out my problems.”

Which later in life translates to, "Hey, I can count on my government to work out my problems"

Way't'go, boomers ... good little drones y'got there.

10 posted on 02/28/2010 5:44:33 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true)
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To: reaganaut1

***On the other hand, boomer parents have been good role models for our children in other ways, including a strong work ethic and social activism. Our kids tend to be confident achievers, thanks to our obsession with education and, yes, ego. But danged if they can fertilize the lawn.***

There is a reason God gave us two hands. One was for reaching out....the other one was for smacking sense into our offspring. This ditz will never get it!

Her whole essay was pompous bragging of world travel and affluence. She needs a good whupping as well as the kids she has so clearly neglected. They are simply accessories for her self-indulgent lifestyle.


11 posted on 02/28/2010 5:46:37 AM PST by sodpoodle (Despair - Man's surrender. Laughter - God's redemption.)
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To: MSF BU

My daughter joined the Navy for a 4 year hitch. She was 19, fairly responsible, pretty independant.
I thought her gig in the Navy would make her more grown up, learn some skills, get some discipline.
Did not really happen that way. Boot camp doesn’t last forever, and the services are pretty soft now.
Most of the folks she met were drinking-not paying bills- breaking rules and getting away with it!


12 posted on 02/28/2010 5:54:49 AM PST by ronniesgal ( I miss George Bush. Hell, I miss Bill Clinton!!)
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To: knarf

Great analogy. Quite the set up for total failure. Both as individuals and as a country.

We had a sermon series a few weeks ago about being responsible. The gist of it was that irresponsibility cannot be a neutral event. It always requires effort/money/time from someone else to clean up the mess. The irresponsible party just doesn’t see that.


13 posted on 02/28/2010 6:00:20 AM PST by BelleAl
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To: BelleAl

Exactly. No contact lenses? Gee, guess you’ll be seeing Peru through your glasses. Same with the money. I’d buy the kid food and shelter, and that’s it. I think the problem is that kids don’t have to face the results of their own irresponsibility. If they didn’t get bailed out, they would be more careful.


14 posted on 02/28/2010 6:01:22 AM PST by GraceCoolidge
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To: MSF BU
That was one unrecognized benefit to the draft. A lot of adolescents learned for the first time that the world may require them to do something they don't want to do, and daddy can't bail them out of it. Today, when the average age of video game players is 35, and the average number of years playing is 13, large numbers of idiot youts have no idea what it takes to keep all this in play and keep it going around.
15 posted on 02/28/2010 6:08:13 AM PST by hinckley buzzard
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To: reaganaut1

Liberal compassion is like a mother that carries her child everywhere never letting the child learn how to walk.

It should be viewed as child abuse.


16 posted on 02/28/2010 6:08:14 AM PST by listenhillary (the only reason government wants to be our provider is so it may become our master)
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To: reaganaut1

I’m a failure as a parent. My kids leave all their stuff right where it drops — but — I can count on them to shovel the walk, mow the yard, help bale hay, plow the driveways for the grandparents and us, cook a meal and feed the cows if we need help.

It seems like BIG stuff will get them to deploy but regular everyday stuff causes the most arguments.

As for the contact lenses in the original story, I would have said “Too bad. Wear your glasses.” And, as for the friend who forgot her money, “Call your parents. Good luck.”


17 posted on 02/28/2010 6:10:28 AM PST by Cloverfarm (This too shall pass ...)
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To: chickadee

The poor tortured man seems to have grown up fine and makes enough money for them to travel to everywhere in the world. Maybe they should torture their offspring the same way.


18 posted on 02/28/2010 6:42:56 AM PST by mortal19440
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To: Cloverfarm

What a witless article this is. It does seem to be bragging on how infantile their children are. I was just recently at my brother’s home and the difference between his kids (40s to 50s) and mine (teens to 30) are so striking. His kids are leeches and steal from them and use them. Mine have strong character and integrity, although they certainly aren’t perfect. I was shocked and dismayed at my nieces and nephews. They wonder that I don’t talk about my kids much to them. It’s because my kids would be shining stars next to theirs and I don’t want to embarrass them and brag. To me, my kids are normal.

Obama voters. snort.


19 posted on 02/28/2010 6:45:00 AM PST by Shimmer1 (tant que je vive)
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To: reaganaut1

The author is delusional. Confident acheivers? These kids are garden variety, useless little pricks because of the enabling parents.


20 posted on 02/28/2010 6:46:24 AM PST by atc23
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To: reaganaut1

At the end of the article the author says the kids have a strong work ethic?

Not the ones I have worked with. They are lazy, inconsiderate and undependable.

I understand more and more employers are starting to hire people over 30 more and more.


21 posted on 02/28/2010 6:53:01 AM PST by waxer1 ( "The Bible is the rock on which our republic rests." -Andrew Jackson)
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To: atc23

I probably shouldn’t have enjoyed this comment as much as I did. I am still chuckling.


22 posted on 02/28/2010 7:08:03 AM PST by chickadee
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To: reaganaut1
It's comical the author doesn't appear to have any insight as to how out of touch with reality she is. Peru? Kilimanjaro? The kids are completely out of touch with reality, and everyone knows how they got there even if she doesn't.
23 posted on 02/28/2010 7:19:00 AM PST by The Good Doctor (Democracy is the only system where you can vote for a tax that you can avoid the obligation to pay.)
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To: reaganaut1
Here is my 2 cents... MY generation (the baby boomers) were raised by "the depression" parents. The ORIGINAL "I-had-to-walk-10-miles- to-school-every-day-uphill-both-ways-in-the-snow" generation.

AND they probably really did it too.....

Their kids (us) had to live very frugally, no extravanganzas, no frills, B&W TV's, the whole shooting match. Well, here comes the BB (Baby boomers), now begin parenting back in the, say, 1960's to 1990's.

"By G*D my kids are NOT going to have to put up with what I had to put up with;ie, THEY will have EVERYTHING I did NOT have when I was a kid..."

And THERE you have it!!

We not only gave our kids EVERYTHING we practically PROGRAMED them in to an entitlement generation. Instead of "what can I do to help to pull my weight" their whine became "What are you going to do FOR ME right now?"
Helicopter parents don't create responsible, hard working citizens, they create "Homing pidgeons!!!

You do NOT have to be your "kids best friend!" Argh how I HATE to hear a parent tell me they think of their 14-21 year old child as "their best friend"... Stop it. They are your children, NOT your best friend. They NEED direction, they NEED discipline, they NEED parenting, NOT a best friend.

Oh, but I forgot, you have to work 50+ hours a week to pay off the big home, that new BMW, or that expensive wardrobe. Oh, hey, BTW, the kids are all in "kiddy kennels" or public schools from 8:00am to 5:30pm. No time to parent....

Oh well, just buy 'em the newest video game, or get 'em a new iPod... Yeah that works too, right? Isn't that parenting?

24 posted on 02/28/2010 7:55:55 AM PST by China Clipper (My favorite animals usually are found next to the rice on my plate.)
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To: China Clipper

Add Dr. Spock at the top of the list. Now that I understand politically what’s happening, I’m convinced Dr Spock was a huge progressive, promoted by his fellow travelers to foster guilt in parents, ignorance in their children, and change the whole dynamic of raising children and dumbing down the education system - with no good results anywhere along the line.


25 posted on 02/28/2010 8:03:36 AM PST by Helen
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To: reaganaut1

I think the most important things we gave our son was encouragement to learn and do life skills. We didn’t make it seem like chores, more like fun projects.

He’s 21 now, has his BA and Masters, lives on his own, keeps a clean house, does a good job w/his laundry, can cook (when he wants to which isn’t often), is a great shopper and bargain hunter, changes his own oil and can maintain his car, can fix up about anything around the house from plumbing to recently installing a central vacuum system, knows how to do lawn work, pays his bills on time and after college got his own phone and insurance in his name and was smart enough to put them on autopay (LOL), works a full time job, has a great work ethic and saves for the future, he can shoot a gun, pilot and maintain a boat, spearfish (and always has fish on hand), plays a couple instruments for his own pleasure, etc. etc. etc..

We were generous when he was growing up, he didn’t lack for anything he wanted (actually he didn’t really want too much), but I think the main generosity that will benefit him in his life, is the generosity of my husband’s time. Due to his generosity with his time, he taught, nurtured, mentored, and instructed our son in life skills that will serve him well in the future.


26 posted on 02/28/2010 8:12:35 AM PST by dawn53
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To: pnh102

“Is it any surprise as to why these kids cannot act as adults? Their parents keep rescuing them.”

Exactly! I see so many of my friends and co-workers whose lives are harder than they need to be, because they had “bailout” parents and never learned to take care of themselves.

The sad thing is that they are raising their own kids the same way.

Parents may choose to be there to help their children somewhat if they really end up in a tight spot, but they should not smooth over every little real or perceived bump in the road.

I remember when I moved out of my parents’ house. They told me, “Anyone can end up in a bad situation, and if you do, let us know. We will take you back - ONCE.” I learned to fix my own problems so I never had to cash in that ticket.


27 posted on 02/28/2010 8:25:11 AM PST by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: reaganaut1

“On the other hand, boomer parents have been good role models for our children in other ways, including a strong work ethic and social activism. Our kids tend to be confident achievers, thanks to our obsession with education and, yes, ego.”

Greatest generation.

As for the fellow who made the comment about not hiring anyone over 30, you know, thanks. It’s nice to know that all of us young’uns are irresponsible!

How about giving some of us a chance so we can work and enjoy the fruits of our labour. I’m sure you were fully formed out of the womb responsible and that someone gave you a hand up.


28 posted on 02/28/2010 10:13:18 AM PST by BenKenobi (And into this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life.)
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To: reaganaut1

Mommies mommy too much.

And dads bitch up.

sick world

I am constantly amazed when I observe white urban life.

90% of today’s Americans have nothing in common with our founders


29 posted on 02/28/2010 10:15:05 AM PST by wardaddy (I'm waiting for Epic Beard Man the movie.)
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To: Rappini

I hope you are speaking your mind. You sound smarter than your grandkid’s parents.

I sure would and will if I live long enough.


30 posted on 02/28/2010 10:16:35 AM PST by wardaddy (I'm waiting for Epic Beard Man the movie.)
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To: ronniesgal
the services are pretty soft now

there is a reason for that and you don't sound like it escapes you

31 posted on 02/28/2010 10:17:54 AM PST by wardaddy (I'm waiting for Epic Beard Man the movie.)
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To: MSF BU
...sounds like a little trip to Parris Island or Fort Benning is indicated for Junior. Send his lame ass into the military.

Good idea, except now that the military is co-ed, its "time to be a man, son; do it or get your ass kicked by other men" potential must be horrifically diluted. Today's "adult children" males don't even have the military to turn to. Way back when, Lee Marvin, the spoiled son of two wealthy New Yorkers, was such a trouble-maker as a teen that he got kicked out of all kinds of schools. He was incorrigible; no one knew how to handle him. He joined the Marines and GREW UP. Granted, it was during WWII, and that had to convert boys into men double-quick, but how likely would it have "cured" Marvin or any other directionless, angry young man if he'd joined up and had a bunch of 19-year-old girls in the mix right next to him?

Off topic, I know, but maybe relevant to the whole prob with today's inept Yutes.

32 posted on 02/28/2010 12:40:17 PM PST by Finny ("Raise hell. Vote smart." -- Ted Nugent.)
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To: pnh102

Yeah, I know, when I read it I was thinking, “Why didn’t the dad make the SON contact the eye doctor and take care of it?” That’s what my folks would have done, I think.


33 posted on 02/28/2010 12:42:53 PM PST by Finny ("Raise hell. Vote smart." -- Ted Nugent.)
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To: reaganaut1

We’re retired now, and like most, come from the “Take care of yourself” generation. However,wven amongst “our kind” (cough) - 70s and over - there are some of our age that contine the bail outs.

We know of one woman in her 80s, whose husband died and left her well off, who has re-mortaged her house to “help” our her kids and grand kids. $100,00 went to “save” her daughter’s home in Las Vegas, only to see it evaporate when foreclosure came. Daughter is now nearer to mom and on welfare, while her lay-about husband “looks for work” in Colorado. Mommie is there EVERY day, most of the time shelling out bucks. Same outlay with other kids.

She is impervious to the rest of us telling her to cut them loose, so all we can do is watch her sink deeper into debt “for the kids”.


34 posted on 02/28/2010 1:29:49 PM PST by Oatka ("A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves." –Bertrand de Jouvenel)
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To: ronniesgal

It’s a rough road for girls in the service. Personally I think establishing all female units would go a long way to solve the problem but throwing the romantic element into a group of 19 year olds just causes problems.


35 posted on 03/02/2010 7:01:37 AM PST by MSF BU (++)
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To: MSF BU

There is a reason that the mother bird pushes her baby birds out of the nest. Having never flown before they have choice: fly or die.


36 posted on 03/03/2010 8:18:29 PM PST by hal ogen
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To: mortal19440
Actually thats pretty funny.....I wish I had been hard on my daughter. I made sure to be the very best parent I could be. When my husband died almost a year to the day of that event my daughter tried to commit suicide. The only thing that saved her other than Gods grace was a text message she sent me saying that I had been a good mother and no matter what happened I shouldnt blame myself. The text of led to her being saved. She had a long road to recovery and now three years later we decided she would move home and we would make that permanent she would get a job that wasnt stressful and she would help me keep house etc it would benefit the family. I remarried three years ago with the blessing of both my children the 32 year old that lives with me and a 30 yr old daughter that does not. About two years into my 32yr old living with me she began making demands. She became very upset over very small issues like my husband blowing his noise in the bathroom, he laughed to loud ,we made to much noise, i put meat to defrost on the veggie shelf in the fridge all kinds of really small things which we tried to accommodate but sometimes mistakes are made. On one particular day one of her pets had an appointment and i was driving her she was folding laundry on the living room couch i went to turn on the car she said she would be there in a few minutes. My husband came into the living room with her and turned on the TV.....My daughter said some really nasty things at that point.. he could have waited for her to leave and he did that deliberately I only heard because I came back to get my phone charger she didnt see me at the bottom of the stairs and when I said that we should talk like adults and not be insulting etc she verbally attacked me for about three days saying what a horrible mother I had been and how the noise we made was to much for her and just because I helped her didnt make her my B**** and she was going to do and say as she pleased. She said she was moving out because her life depended on it. This was a month ago and the strain in this house is enormous. My daughter hates me she doesnt speak to me she has sold everything she owns and some of my things that were in her room like a game system etc. She has not gotten work and has said she will live at the mission and maybe just jump off a bridge. She is lying around to people that I used to beat her and alot of other things. I am so distraught. I have never done one thing wrong to this girl the worst thing she says to my face I have done is make to much noise for her. We all make noise her to its part of life but for some reason she seems to think its done just to upset her. This is just a small part of it all. I should say I have a 30yr old who is very sweet and loves me to death no issues with us at all. Her sister has not spoken to her in 2yrs over a shoe discount? When I tried to ease that disagreement saying to the 32 yr old that a shoe discount wasnt worth the lose of your sister she freaked out on me. Now my daughter is drinking I smell it on her when she walks through a room I have seen her walk into the wall and she etc. I can say nothing I am sitting here waiting for her to move and dreading her moving and what will become of her. I mean if she feels this family is to much for her to deal with I cant imagine how she will deal with the world. I am heart broken and I really am at a lose to even know how to fix this. She has told someone recently that she loves not one person in this whole planet not one. Im heart broken.
37 posted on 07/08/2013 9:34:06 AM PDT by Muriel (Really after all these years :()
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To: Muriel

Im resigned I dont see an answer if anyone has any ideas plz tell me.


38 posted on 07/08/2013 12:50:43 PM PDT by Muriel (Really after all these years :()
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To: reaganaut1

Schooling destroys common sense. It’s so obvious that it shouldn’t require proof.

Once kids are thrown, bound and gagged, onto the expressway of life, they begin to sober up —as long as they aren’t hit first.


39 posted on 07/08/2013 12:54:37 PM PDT by St_Thomas_Aquinas ( Isaiah 22:22, Matthew 16:19, Revelation 3:7)
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To: Muriel

God help you. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, and I’m sure others here will too.

On the earthly plane, some people have to hit bottom before they get their heads screwed back on.


40 posted on 07/08/2013 1:02:22 PM PDT by St_Thomas_Aquinas ( Isaiah 22:22, Matthew 16:19, Revelation 3:7)
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