Posted on 11/30/2010 7:32:52 PM PST by se_ohio_young_conservative
Look I know problems can not and should never be ignored. Often that becomes a bigger problem that the original probelms problem.
However, isn't their a proper way to confront someone ?
I don't think I need to go into specifics about this right now. It is personal. My mom is very sick and it is a very stressfull time. And I know im not alone. I know everyone reading this has had rough times in life and im not looking for some kind of special sympathy or platitudes although a simple prayer would be very nice.
But I don't think a man should be confronted about something in a vicious way in the same room in front of his wife or mother and young daughters there. Especially when the person confronting me didn't have their facts straight and didn't understand the context of the issue.
I don't think it is right to rip into someone when they are eating a slice of pizza and watching the news. Isn't the proper thing to do.. to find another room and confront someone ALONE and leave them some personal respect dignity ?
Sorry if im going on and on. But this was very hurtfull to me as a man. and although I have my family in my side. It didn't feel good sitting there and trying to explain things that were better handled in much more private way. Infact, I wish it would have stayed between myself and God but that almost never works out that way.
I would like to hear opinions and replies..
thanks in advance
I have no idea who confronted you and made you uncomfortable. Sit back look up and ask, “Did I deserve that? Am I avoiding an issue I should be confronting?”
No matter what the situation, I’ve found that taking the High Road is always the best solution to Life’s annoying problems involving other human beings.
And, it annoys the HELL out of the person that’s currently being a JERK to you! Jerks don’t know they’re jerks and you’ll never convince them that they are, so don’t bother. :)
There is a time and a place for everything. Maybe that was the time ... maybe not. Without details, I’m not sure whether he was out of line or not.
Either way, you could’ve told him to stick a sock in it, or asked him to step outside to continue the conversation in private.
Sorry about your mother ... hope she feels better. God bless.
SnakeDoc
I told my kids years ago.
This might be your Ma,,but she’s my wife..
you take it from there.
Not knowing a darn thing that we’re talking about, other than the involvement of pizza, I do know that when times get tough, even people who love and respect each other can say and do some stupid and destructive things.
Anger to the point of being confrontational means courtesy flies out the window for some. For others, the effect is more one of a deliberate attempt to embarass. Only you know the answer as far as this other individual’s motivation. If this is out of character, chalk it up to emotion and deal fairly. If it’s completely in character, take care of what needs taking care of, as far as your own reputation, leave it at that and then cease being concerned about or with this person.
Perhaps take a look at this. Or do some web searches for the same type on your own.
http://www.humanpotentialcenter.org/Articles/IStatements.html
My aunt confronted me. She is a little different and I never felt all that close to her. I ask myself those questions and I think maybe I have been avoiding the issue or atleast trying to delay dealing with it..
but what really hurt me is how it was handled in front of my mom. My wife sort of knew my side of the story and the version she heard tonight was not exactly accurate. She knows I didn’t lie about anything. but still.. it was hurtfull
Saying that you wish it would have stayed between yourself and God makes it kind of hard to answer this because that sounds like it’s something you were ashamed of and I don’t know how, whatever this was, personally affected your aunt. Was she just being a busy-body are was she upset over something that touched her personally?
No one messes with me when I’m eating pizza as it is a favorite food and no adult should create turmoil while you are eating a family meal...you Auntie is lucky you didn’t eject her from the house.
Sounds like she picked the wrong time and place. How old is she - could hardening of her arteries have been at the root of this?
“Should” is a killer word. It denies reality. A psychotic killer of a word.
In a time of overstress — that’s what you seem to be caught in — hang onto that wee little quiet sane voice inside. The one that says — walk away, take a walk, look for the nighttime stars.
Look up into the blackness of the cold night sky and take it in.
All I am willing to say is that I believe she is holding me responsible and I know she resents me because she thinks I put others at risk of getting hurt by not speaking up about something that happened to me years ago. when I was only a kid.
again..deeply hurtfull and personal
What kind of pizza?
What she believes about the situation in the past is irrelevant. You were a child. You were not responsible at the time for keeping others safe. You were probably trying to just survive at the time yourself. If she can’t keep her beliefs and thoughts to herself, you should keep as much distance between you and her as you can manage. You don’t need unnecessary guilt added to your burden after all this time. That’s my 2 cents worth.
>>she thinks I put others at risk of getting hurt by not speaking up about something that happened to me years ago. when I was only a kid.<<
Son, this is beginning to sound to me as if you were molested. STOP Hear me out. STOP This not the kind of thing that you bring to the Internet to solve. Your wife, your best friend, your closest relative, or a professional psychologist are the people that you should be talking to.
I’ll say a prayer for you.
I never said that..
I agree about taking the high road, but it sure is hard. I have done so in the past, but spent many a night driving home crying. I now just keep the immediate family close and protected from those in the rest of the family. We see each other occasionally and are civil to each other, but my close friends are closer to us. I remember someone saying, just because they are family doesn’t mean they have to be friends.
Pizza? You’re in the drivers seat, man. Take a huge bite and don’t explain anything. Wing the crust at her if she persists.
Not long ago my granddaughter was mouthing off to her mom. Normally I stay clear of disagreements but this was getting fast out of hand...I finally spoke up and told my granddaughter...you may talk to your mother like that but you will not talk to my daughter-in-law like that in my presence. She got it! Backed down.
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