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Wanted: A full-time wiener peeler
Toronto Sun ^ | February 26, 2011 | Mike Strobel

Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888

I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.

I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.

But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.

I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.

“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.

Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?

“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.

Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.

“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.

“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”

A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.

Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.

Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.

The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.

You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”

I peel wieners, Drew.

“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”

Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...

I’m not the wiener stuffer

I’m the wiener stuffer’s son

I’m only stuffing ...

(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)

NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.

The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.

I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?

I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?

“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”

So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”

The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.

If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.

Or go eat a veggie burger.

Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.

The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.

They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.

The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.

What a great job, eh?

I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.

And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.

Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.

I can picture the negotiations:

“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.

“But hold the mustard.”


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: napl; sionnsar; weeniechat; weinerchat; weiners; wienerchat
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To: Tax-chick; LibreOuMort
Coming home this afternoon in the humongous Gorm Mor, I saw somebody hanging out at the trash collection point. No idea why (though we do sometimes have bad actors come through our rural locale) until I glimpsed one of those little pug-like dogs in-between the cans and realized he must be a neighbor. Had to slow WAY to make sure the dog didn't run under Gorm Mor's tires.

Looking at your photo I would probably have to straddle White Cat, move very slow, and pray for the best.

When I was a boy I ran over a bird once (couldn't help it, it flew under my bicycle's front wheel). Not a nice experience.

Unlike LoM who, I guess following in the footsteps of her hunter father, bagged a pheasant with her car.

51 posted on 03/01/2011 5:11:20 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: Tax-chick

Three mouse power, and an extra nine volts from the glovebox expansion port.


52 posted on 03/01/2011 5:14:54 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: sionnsar

‘etzat ma’klur

(Yetz ist es mir klar, in Oesterreich)


53 posted on 03/01/2011 5:22:20 PM PST by patton
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To: sionnsar

"No more smokers. Is the next step no more Democrats? So the CEO of a Michigan company announced a no-more-smokers policy. ... If employers seek to control costs, improve morale, boost the company image and reduce workplace drama, why not refuse to hire ... Democrats? Democrats -- compared to Republicans -- on average are less affluent, more unhappy, more prone to anti-social behavior, more prone to self-destructive behavior, and more likely to have been shot at, robbed or burglarized. More of them see X-rated movies, more of them smoke, and they're less likely to be married and more likely to have separated or divorced. ... Poor smokers. Can't smoke in the office, can't smoke on the factory floor, can't smoke in a company car. You can't smoke in a restaurant. You can't go outside, down the street, down the ally or down the manhole. You gotta go three-and-a-half miles, you'll see a Denny's, make a right, if you come to an International House of Pancakes, you've gone too far. But take comfort. Things could be worse. You could be a smoker -- and a Democrat."

-- Larry Elder

Or, you could be a wiener peeler.

Wait, what?


54 posted on 03/01/2011 5:29:18 PM PST by glock rocks (I am Dyslexis of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.)
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To: Cyber Liberty
Can’t wait for the first kitteh pics...


55 posted on 03/01/2011 5:32:03 PM PST by glock rocks (I am Dyslexis of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.)
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To: sionnsar; Cyber Liberty
You mustard get outta here, but mayo? And if you do, can you ketchup? Maybe you just need to chili out a bit (no, not going to do the wurst and call you a brat)! *\;^)

ARRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh... The pain, the pain. Wheel he ever get over the bun of it?

56 posted on 03/01/2011 5:33:05 PM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE

To be frank, I relish the thought.


57 posted on 03/01/2011 5:37:15 PM PST by glock rocks (I am Dyslexis of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.)
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To: sionnsar; Tax-chick; LibreOuMort

I am less lucky: Four birds, three deer, two squirrels ... and a surprisingly flattened rabbit back in 1978 while St Ronnie was with me. But most of my hits have had no witnesses.

Had another deer run right into the side !! of the car as I was slowing/braking/swerving to get around him. And I was TRYING to miss him! He STILL hit me!


58 posted on 03/01/2011 5:38:15 PM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE; sionnsar; Tax-chick; LibreOuMort

Deer 1: Harvested via 1990 Geo Metro
Deer 2: Harvested via 1989 VW Golf
Deer 3: Harvested via 1983 Subaru stationwagon.
And several near misses with other vehiles.
Close call on a coyote with a 1995 VW Jetta.
Tagged two robins who were fighting with the 1996 Jetta.
They bounced clean off the windshield.
Got an owl, it flew straight into me and I couldn’t avoid him.


59 posted on 03/01/2011 5:50:50 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE; sionnsar; Tax-chick; LibreOuMort

Vehiles??
*groan*
Vehicles.

Typo alert, check your keyboards.


60 posted on 03/01/2011 5:53:15 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: patton
‘etzat ma’klur "Today it is clear"?

No wonder I have trouble with Austrian!

61 posted on 03/01/2011 5:53:51 PM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rROf_ctcfo


62 posted on 03/01/2011 6:02:37 PM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: sionnsar

Who is now?


63 posted on 03/01/2011 6:31:51 PM PST by ThomasThomas (it said the speeling was OK)
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To: Monkey Face
:looks around guiltily while trying to wipe off the cocoa mustache:

Bit of a long trip eh?

64 posted on 03/01/2011 6:43:47 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (When all you have is bolt cutters & vodka everything looks like the lock on Wolf Blitzer's boathouse)
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To: sionnsar
At least nobody is likely to storm in and bit... er, complain that we are off topic.
65 posted on 03/01/2011 6:49:32 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (When all you have is bolt cutters & vodka everything looks like the lock on Wolf Blitzer's boathouse)
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To: sionnsar

*waves to everyone*

Hi folks, I have a cold. The kids have it too. I need a cold zot but the beeber lost its..... uh.... beeberness.

Good news though, I got 97.5% on my midterm. Phew. I get the rest of the week off WOOT!


66 posted on 03/01/2011 7:07:58 PM PST by Danae (Anailnathrach ortha bhais beatha do cheal deanaimha)
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To: sionnsar

Our street is pretty wide because it connects the other streets in the subdivision. I could get around White Cat in the van.

Speaking of catz, I’d better feed ours if we want to find all our extremities in the morning.


67 posted on 03/01/2011 7:13:00 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: Danae

Yea! Have some hot chicken soup with garlic.

We have cedar-pollen allergies. A-CHOO!


68 posted on 03/01/2011 7:13:54 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: sionnsar

I nailed a pidgeon once, in LA on the I-5 southbound in rush hour traffic. A whole flock flew under the guardrail and I tagged one full on into the middle of my 4Runner’s windshield. My husband was one car back and saw the cloud of feathers fly up and the body of the bird, which flew straight up and into the red convertable corvette right behind me. I was trying not to swerve from the shock since we were going 70 (LA traffic is insane) and it was bumper to bumper, no where to go... My husband almost wrecked cause he was laughin his ass off so hard.....

Oh and then there was the little kitty... :( I went back to look for her, and she was alright.. amazingly.... but get this, her name was... wait for it... “Lunch”. Exactly... er.. well almost. LOL


69 posted on 03/01/2011 7:16:54 PM PST by Danae (Anailnathrach ortha bhais beatha do cheal deanaimha)
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To: Tax-chick

Thats a good idea! I know it sounds wierd, but spicy salsa tastes good and stops the itching in the back of my throat.

I have allergies year round... so I feel your pain! I am allergic to cedar as well. Its no fun at all! I wish the best to you!!


70 posted on 03/01/2011 7:19:27 PM PST by Danae (Anailnathrach ortha bhais beatha do cheal deanaimha)
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To: Danae

I parked under a cedar tree when we went to church on Sunday, and sneezed the rest of the day. We had a rainstorm last night, so today has been better.


71 posted on 03/01/2011 7:27:00 PM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: Cyber Liberty

It’s no Batmobile, but who wants to drive a jet-powered open-top car instead of, well, not worrying about finding a hotel for the honeymoon, because the Weinermobile has sleeping quarters and stuff. :’)


72 posted on 03/01/2011 7:56:45 PM PST by SunkenCiv (The 2nd Amendment follows right behind the 1st because some people are hard of hearing.)
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To: Monkey Face
Ah... Nice, well appointed, good lighting...

Yep. I think this will do nicely. :-)

73 posted on 03/01/2011 8:09:50 PM PST by Dead Corpse (III%. The last line in the sand)
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To: Dead Corpse; Cyber Liberty; ColdOne; Monkey Face

74 posted on 03/02/2011 3:17:17 AM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: Hot Tabasco
I think wiener peeling is just fine in news. It is news to me.
75 posted on 03/02/2011 3:24:55 AM PST by Ditter
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To: sionnsar
You mustard get outta here, but mayo? And if you do, can you ketchup? Maybe you just need to chili out a bit (no, not going to do the wurst and call you a brat)!

Cheese,thanks, because I didn't relish the idea, anyway.

76 posted on 03/02/2011 5:23:54 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear; sionnsar

Ah. Cocoa mustache. That means the cocoa didn’t leak after all...it was...erm...”appropriated.” No doubt for a good cause. ;o]

I’m sure if the snow hadn’t been so deep, we would have moved a month ago. Not a long trip, just a slow one.


77 posted on 03/02/2011 5:37:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE; sionnsar; Darksheare; Tax-chick; Danae; All

I hit a bunny one night. The whole experience made me ill.


78 posted on 03/02/2011 5:39:00 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: Dead Corpse; Harmless Teddy Bear

It has great potential, too. I mean, I suspect the topic will keep coming up. ;o]


79 posted on 03/02/2011 5:41:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: Tax-chick

That looks so warm and comfy!


80 posted on 03/02/2011 5:42:13 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: Monkey Face

I wish I could curl up in a small, but plush, catball and have Sunbeam Time with Jake.

Oh, look ... Frank has brought me a dandelion.


81 posted on 03/02/2011 6:35:28 AM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: Darksheare
Tagged two robins who were fighting with the 1996 Jetta.

Why were two robins fighting with a 1996 Jetta? ;-)

82 posted on 03/02/2011 6:44:01 AM PST by OB1kNOb (If all the economists were laid end to end, they would still never reach a conclusion.)
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To: Darksheare

Cyber loves his Omaha Steaks wieners He wants to make sure there is enough room. I think.

It’s so good to hear from you!


83 posted on 03/02/2011 6:50:17 AM PST by Slip18
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To: Squawk 8888

See me
Peel me-e-e
Touch me
Peel me-e-ee...

84 posted on 03/02/2011 6:53:05 AM PST by OB1kNOb (If all the economists were laid end to end, they would still never reach a conclusion.)
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To: OB1kNOb; Darksheare; CholeraJoe; xsmommy; Tax-chick; Slip18; tioga
Tagged two robins who were fighting with the 1996 Jetta.

Why were two robins fighting with a 1996 Jetta? ;-)

They were just your everyday Jetta Knights, fighting the Dark Ford over the fate of a Galaxie 500.

85 posted on 03/02/2011 6:53:19 AM PST by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but socialists' ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Robert A. Cook, PE
The Farce is strong in you, my master.......


86 posted on 03/02/2011 7:09:30 AM PST by OB1kNOb (If all the economists were laid end to end, they would still never reach a conclusion.)
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To: OB1kNOb

I am now officially creeped out.


87 posted on 03/02/2011 7:17:38 AM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (When all you have is bolt cutters & vodka everything looks like the lock on Wolf Blitzer's boathouse)
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To: OB1kNOb

They disliked oxidized paint.


88 posted on 03/02/2011 7:40:26 AM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Slip18

I’m around, sorta.
Been looking for cheddar brats, but haven’t found them.
Seems my local markets are ‘the suck’ when it comes to bratwurst.


89 posted on 03/02/2011 7:56:02 AM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: pogo101

That’s funny. It reminds me of why Obama was never circumcised: there’s no end to that pr!ck.


90 posted on 03/02/2011 7:58:05 AM PST by andy58-in-nh (America does not need to be organized: it needs to be liberated.)
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To: andy58-in-nh
It reminds me of why Obama was never circumcised: there’s no end to that pr!ck.

Will you be here all week? I remembered to tip my waitress. ;-)

91 posted on 03/02/2011 8:30:13 AM PST by OB1kNOb (If all the economists were laid end to end, they would still never reach a conclusion.)
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To: Tax-chick; Dead Corpse; Cyber Liberty; Monkey Face

Hiya!!! Such a cute photo...again!


92 posted on 03/02/2011 9:31:00 AM PST by ColdOne (AZamericonnie took my tagline & won't give it back!":))
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To: ColdOne

Nothing like a cute kitten to start the day!


93 posted on 03/02/2011 9:37:45 AM PST by Tax-chick (James is still hungry.)
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To: Tax-chick

True! LOL!!


94 posted on 03/02/2011 9:40:41 AM PST by ColdOne (AZamericonnie took my tagline & won't give it back!":))
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To: sionnsar

*sigh*

I think this thread doesn’t need our help. It seems to be taking on a life of its own.

(Funny stuff!)


95 posted on 03/02/2011 9:56:03 AM PST by Monkey Face (I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember.)
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To: humblegunner

Just to let you know, Swedesboro New Jersey or surrounding areas may suffer from coffeed up attack deer.
Shuttle driver at my job lives down there, and he has deer that don’t give a hoot about human presence.
So I suggested he make some attempts to give them coffee.
I’ll keep you posted.


96 posted on 03/02/2011 10:07:25 AM PST by Darksheare (Dear Interdimensional Monstrosity, I fear our relationship has taken a turn for the worse...)
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To: Monkey Face

Morning. Well, it was on its way to being dead when we took it over.


97 posted on 03/02/2011 10:17:13 AM PST by sionnsar (IranAzadi|5yst3m 0wn3d-it's N0t Y0ur5:SONY|http://pure-gas.org|Must be a day for changing taglines)
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To: Monkey Face

Hello, again!

Boy, has it been January since I posted to the UT??

Yikes! Tempus fugit!

I just installed the Firefox 4 Beta for a test drive. So far, so good, and I like the arrangement.
If you want in on the leading edge, here ‘tis:
http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/beta/

Uh-oh. That w-o-r-k thing is giving me the hairy eyeball, again. Rats!

TTFN


98 posted on 03/02/2011 11:01:16 AM PST by HKMk23 (It won't be "Justice" until wicked people fry.)
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To: HKMk23

Weird. I did the same thing last night at home on my laptop...

Not sure I like it so far. I like having my little Steampunk theme.


99 posted on 03/02/2011 11:09:32 AM PST by Dead Corpse (III%. The last line in the sand)
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To: Dead Corpse

I know how that goes; I had to give up my “Old Machine” theme on the update to 3.0. Maybe there’ll be a v.4-compatible version...


100 posted on 03/02/2011 11:30:21 AM PST by HKMk23 (It won't be "Justice" until wicked people fry.)
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