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Posted on 05/08/2011 4:38:03 PM PDT by fanfan
Pauline Duval married her long-time partner Tim Rafferty two weeks before Christmas in 2009. She died just 90 minutes later.
It was a day of personal tragedy for Duval, rushed by ambulance to Grand River Hospital in Kitchener after suffering a heart attack in the final stages of her pancreatic cancer.
Late on that Friday afternoon, it was a typical day in the hospital’s ER. Every single bed was full, the waiting room was overflowing and five ambulances were waiting outside with more patients.
As medical staff quickened their pace to cope with the crush, a priest was called to administer the last rites for Duval. Her family gathered at her bedside to comfort her, and to grieve.
No one was prepared for what happened next. In a sudden moment of sparkling inspiration, a nurse helped to make Pauline’s final wish come true.
The nurse, Xanne Briggs — who has spent most of her 22 years as an RN in the ER — knew Pauline only had hours to live.
“The staff told me that she was also due to be married to Tim in two days’ time.”
Briggs sat on the bed, holding Pauline’s hand, and said: “I understand that a wedding is supposed to occur in a couple of days. Well, how do you feel about having the ceremony right here, right now, if you’d like to get married today?”
“Pauline had this wonderful smile that came across her face, and her eyes were quite bright, and she whispered, ‘Let the party begin,’“ recalls Briggs, who admits she’s “a bit of a romantic at heart.”
What followed was a whirlwind of activity, recalls Rafferty, Pauline’s partner for 18 years. “Xanne was on the phone, sending (messages) all over the hospital, phoning up to other floors to see if they had some Christmas lights or flowers or whatever they had.”
Xanne’s enthusiasm was contagious. Everyone from hospital porters to administrative staff, as well as other nurses, got involved.
Within the hour, Pauline’s austere hospital room was magically transformed into a wedding chapel. Sheets were draped over the equipment at her bedside, white fairy lights twinkled around the room and every surface was bursting with flowers.
“It was very touching, it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it,” says Jane Foster, the educator practice leader in the hospital’s ER, who watched the impromptu wedding unfold. It was Foster who nominated Briggs for the Star’s Nightingale Award.
Rafferty phoned his best man and Pauline’s maid of honour to get them to the hospital as soon as possible.
“As soon as the plans were made, everyone who was there rushed off to get the cake, the dresses and the rings, the wedding certificate and the wedding suit,” he says. “We were going to do it, but time was of the essence.”
As preparations raced on, the 57-year-old patient was now too ill to put on her wedding gown, so it was spread over her on the bed, her hair was brushed and her veil put on.
When the priest arrived to administer the last rites, he found his program for the day had changed. “That priest really got a workout: he had to perform the last rites, then conduct a marriage,” says Rafferty.
As the ceremony was about to start, Briggs declined the family’s invitation to join them. “I knew she was passing away and it wouldn’t be long, so I wanted them to have as much time together. I didn’t want to take up that valuable time, so I said goodbye to them at the end of my shift, and the husband had this giant smile on his face. And I left.”
After the ceremony, Pauline sent everybody away to get a coffee so she could be alone with her new husband. She knew the end was near.
“As soon as everyone was gone, she was just convulsed with pain. She must have been holding it in all that time,” Tim says.
From the first diagnosis of pancreatic cancer to her death was just 10 weeks — precious time she devoted to Tim and her extended family: her own three children, Tim’s four children and their nine grandchildren.
“Pauline was a wonderful woman,” says Rafferty. “At the end, I wanted to make sure she was good with everything, calmed any fears she had. We had built a life together and now it was my turn to do this part of it.”
He says being introduced to Pauline by his oldest friend was a life-changing moment. Within a few weeks of their first date, Pauline pursued her dream of becoming a teacher by enrolling for degrees in sociology and education at Wilfrid Laurier University.
She was the first in a family of 10 children to go to university and, before very long, she urged Tim to follow suit. After persuading her professor to let Tim sit in on a couple of lectures, he was hooked.
He enrolled on his 43rd birthday and earned degrees in sociology and anthropology, and a master’s in social work.
“Before that, I was just working in factories or doing whatever,” he says. “She made me the man I am.”
A letter of inspiration
Nursing educator Jane Foster has never forgotten the experience of Pauline Rafferty’s tumultuous day in December 2009 at Kitchener’s Grand River Hospital.
Part of Foster’s job is to address newly arrived nurses about the roles they will play at GRH, one of Ontario’s largest community hospitals, serving 500,000 people in Waterloo Region and Wellington County.
And each time she takes out the letter that she wrote to the RNAO, nominating Xanne Briggs for special recognition.
“When I read that letter to new staff, there isn’t a dry eye in the house,” she said. “The intent is to show that everyone has an opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life.
“In a hospital we are always dealing with people and we have no idea what baggage they bring. Just a kind word or a smile can make a huge difference to them,” she said. “That was the philosophy, it’s the power of one. That’s how I like to start new staff at the hospital.”
Sort of reminds me of watching Robin Williams as Patch Adams. Wonderful, warm movie.
What a beautiful story. :*)
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Crying, on Mother’s Day! Very moving story.
Worked with some folks where there was a lady and her guy who'd put off marriage for a couple of decades, and then one day he just dropped dead.
She was devastated. They'd had marriage plans, just didn't do it.
The idea is that marriage should be a positive experience ~ for the married couple and for society as well. If you have plans you've been putting off and putting off because............... well, because whatever....... just do it.
It just makes me wonder why they put it off for so long? Did they want an event that was fancier than they could afford? Were there other spouses standing in the way? Were there religious differences?
So sad, but it was good of the nurse to make this happen. May Mrs. Rafferty Rest In Peace.
My thoughts exactly.
They had 18 years to get married.
Call me cynical but I wouldn’t find that very romantic.
If marriage really doesn’t matter then why is this story so powerful? But deep down inside most women and many men realize it is the right thing to do.
There is something about the reality of death that shakes people out of their 18 year complacency. We had neighbors who found out the husband was dying of cancer. Suddenly, the couple, who had been married for years, but never wanted children, were expecting a baby. The husband died when the infant was a couple months old. Personally, I’m glad that sometimes people succeed in taking that leap of faith and love before their time together runs out.
It’s like that parable where the workers who only worked for the last hour got paid as much as the ones who worked all day. Did they deserve full pay? No. But God is generous to people who show up at the last minute.
An excellent way to put it!
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