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Personally, I used to believe that engagement rings are appropriate, I don’t any more. Actually I don’t believe in wearing jewelry at all any more owing to a change of heart in terms of my Christian faith.

FWIW, I wasn’t the skinflint, my wife was; the do-it-yourself aspect was her idea. The rings were simple bands. Dress was off the rack normal dress that could be worn again. No tuxes, just suits. No DJ or band - which allowed everyone to mix and mingle and talk a lot more. It not only didn’t bother anyone, everyone really enjoyed the fact that they could mingle and talk. It was like a big family reunion or picnic.

Held at our house, had large room inside, ceremony was outside since we had a beautiful sunny day.

Wife professional chef, gave me lists: rented tables, chairs, linens, china, s/w, glassware, etc. My own personal selection of wine and beer (huge savings). Served choice of Chicken in a champagne sauce, Salmon or Filet Mignon. It was fantastic to be able to select everything ourselves - and pay less ! For example, I knew many of the guests tastes in wine and beer and was able to accomodate them very well - it had the same effect as open bar for the whole reception. I even could splurge on a few very nice French wines for our table and the very few guests that would appreciate - or even like them, that would have cost a fortune if they even were available from a “wedding factory”. People really enjoyed that the food and beverage was just as if they went to their favorite restaurant and they were able to really enjoy the meal instead of suffer through it. For the kids we made simple spaghetti and meatballs, since that’s something everyone said they would be happy with.

It was a glorious day, easy (if you like work) and everyone was extremely happy with everything. I have to admit that we were a little helped by the fact that the house was on a lakefront, but that actually proved quite unnecessary.

Another alternative I would suggest to people instead of catering at a “wedding place” is to see if you could find a good chef-owned restaurant that you like and see if you can get them to do it. Restaurants will often do private parties.

IMHO, often the ceremonies are rushed through in the stampede to get to the “real fun”, the reception. Sometimes, the bride’s fantasy ceremony is required by her and turns the focus from the marriage to her circus dress and those of her bridesmaids. Often people “write their own” vows in complete disregard of what a Christian marriage means. I’ve come to realize just how foreign the whole “big wedding day” process is to what marriage is all about. The typical huge expense modern wedding is actually a very good way to start off a marriage on the wrong foot, living a fantasy which costs far more than the happy couple is able to afford. Fantasy is the last thing that should be in the mind of a newly married couple - a marriage is real life, not a fantasy. In terms of how much a husband “loves” a wife, it is far better if he is financially responsible than if he humors her whims; of course sometimes it is the husband, sometimes both that want to spend. Even for the wealthy couple who can easily afford it, an ostentatious party contributes nothing to marital fidelity.

IMHO, seeing how it went, the home reception was far preferable to a “retail” reception. Wedding catering food can be the most overpriced, dismal stuff; the “retail” wedding is hackneyed and banal and has been for decades. One has to take a step back and do the arithmetic, or be an industry insider, to figure out that for what they’re spending, if they went to a restaurant, they’d have a better meal cooked to order. Which makes no sense, because it is much more difficult to cook to order than “dish out” with minimal variety and one seating. The most expensive “wedding places” offer the best of one commodity: a status symbol to impress friends and family, and today, that means mostly friends.

Instead of the “entertainment” show of the typical wedding reception, the “at home” allowed the focus to be simply on the wedding and family. Absolutely wonderful, I would advocate the same thing for someone worth $1 billion.

I now see the wisdom of sticking to an all-cash payment. It’s not an investment of any kind, it’s one meal.

I would highly recommend the at-home wedding that the couple hosts themselves. It is a wonderful experience that the couple has to work on together, it takes pressure off guests of humble means to fork over a big fat check to cover your costs and there’s nothing like the feeling afterwards when you both realize that you’re all paid up, you owe nothing, you didn’t waste money needlessly, only spending what you truly could afford.