Posted on 06/17/2011 7:45:25 PM PDT by chasio649
We have moved far past the time when an unmarried woman over 35 was branded an "old maid" or when unmarried men were "swinging bachelors," but after seeing the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and Congressman Anthony Weiner, one does have to wonder if the old adage about men over 40 who have never been married is true. Is it a dating red flag?
There is something to be said for marriage. Being in a marriage, whether it ends or stays together, usually means you have some experience with compromise, the ability to love and be loved, and some familiarity with the concept of sharing. "Never-marrieds" on the other hand? Who knows why they're unmarried?
In asking around, it seems the cutoff age between it being cool and it being a red flag is roughly 35 for men and 40 for women.
Of course, nothing is sure-fire and there are as many extenuating circumstances as there are marriages on Earth. But it's a good rule of thumb, when dating, to recognize that a person who has reached a certain age and never had a relationship last longer than a couple months is probably harboring some issues.
Marriage? Maybe not. Maybe they don't want to get married or just don't play musical chairs all that well. There are reasons they may not have walked down the aisle, though in Weiner's case, it probably WAS a red flag. Still, most men over 40 who have had at least one or two long-term relationships that haven't worked out are still marriage material, but those who haven't even had a girlfriend? It's a problem.
We learn something with every relationship we're in. No one would argue that the older you get, the harder it is to compromise. It is. So if you marry young and you compromise together, you get used to that. Someone who has made it to 40 without having to make those compromises and learn and grow with someone would likely be much more rigid in their thinking.
Women over 30 complain all the time that there are few good guys without baggage who are over 30 out there. And it's likely true. There are some good men who stay single, but coupling off whether by marriage or just a long-term relationship is kind of the "norm." So stepping outside of that does make you a bit of a freak.
That said, it isn't fair to not give a guy a chance because of some arbitrary cutoff. There is always the exception to every "rule," right?
Do you think a man or woman over 40 who has never been married is a freak?
“the disaster of the marriage between Huma Abedin and”
She only married to fend off the rumor that she’s Hillary’s lesbian lover.
There’s nothing really between them.
Well...I was married at 21 and the marriage was over pretty much before the rice hit the ground. Raised my son alone and he is now a successful business man with a family of his own and...I’m now well over 40.
There’s alot to be said for ‘never again’. Guess I’m a freak. yeehaw
Weiner is married, over 40 and a certified FREAK so what’s the point again?
29 for me. Established in a career and able to support a family.
Married at 31, divorced at 32. LOL
Just because she says so ain’t a good enough reason.
I’ve had several relationships last multiple years but didn’t get married until the tender age of 41. Fortunately we were still able to have a child and hopefully another one. Knowing what I know now I wish I would have started earlier on marriage and having children.
What did you do today to piss off Rush?
29 for me. Established in a career and able to support a family.
I was divorced at 48 and remarried at 57. Told my middle-aged women friends who were interested in 40-50ish men who had never been married that they were wasting their time. A guy who’s not married by 35-40; there’s a reason. Outwardly, some of theses guys seemed normal; but it is not normal for a guy not to be married by then.
I was pretty set in my ways when i got married...it took some adjusting...but i can honestly say that i am glad that i waited till i was out of my 20’s before marriage....for me at least.
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my cousin married for the first time at age 40..his new wife, also never married, was 35.....in 12 yrs they have 11 children now....no kidding....
cafemom.com???
What a joke
Well, be prepared for a wave of such “freaks” then, because outside of religious considerations, there are precious few reasons to marry and a whole boatload of reasons not to, for men
I married at 35.
Fair warning from experience: if you date someone for more than 2 years without getting to “yes”, get out. Life is too short.
I am somewhere to the north of 39, never married and don’t feel like a freak. Would I like to get married? Sure. Do I have to make compromises? Of course. Most healthy people over 35 realize this.
I know several women who got married at “old maid” ages. Men too. I just watched a man who lost his wife after 40 plus years of marriage barely hold it together at the wake. They were in freakdom when they married.
Some men and women have careers that require a lot of internation travel and large blocks of time away from home.
Not every potential mate wants that live style so one may have to wait until late 30’s or even early 40’s to find a spouse.
Well, be prepared for a wave of such “freaks” then, because outside of religious considerations, there are precious few reasons to marry and a whole boatload of reasons not to, for men
Gee, thanks for the reminder.
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