Posted on 12/03/2011 9:14:34 PM PST by Last Conservative in MoCo
Praying for your son, and for wisdom for you and your ex.
OK,I normally don’t reply much in less I’ve got some experience. 1. You are lucky, I think, that the kid is under 18; very lucky. 2. Get the best attorney you can afford. Make your child understand that he will have to pay you back. Sounds like you are on the right path. You have my prayers.
Having raised boys nothing surprises me any more. If this is his first run in, and he convinces the judge with help from character refs it should blow over. If he has a car sell it. At least he’s not 18.
As someone mentioned the waivers are fewer, but if you get the ex marine scout master and the jrotc leaders (typically also retired service) to agree they can talk to the recruiter and help out. Used to be you got 3 pay grades for 4 years of jrotc if you enlisted. May be a negotiating tool also. The priors lespecially the jrotc guys likely already know the recruiters in the area well.
For the restitution he may want to volunteer to work off whatever he can’t return or pay. Again the men in his life might be willing to help talk with the victim to see if that is feasible. Let him know upfront it will help with his chances to enlist - besides it will be a prelim to basic hell have to work like a dog and remain contrite no matter what the victim says...5 basic responses 1) yes sir/ma’am 2) no sir/ma’am 3) aye aye sir/ma’am (I understand and will comply) 4) the correct answer to an inquiry or 5) I’ll find out sir/ma’am. Anything else will have his mouth getting him on trouble.
Most important he must start now fulfilling all his requirements for grad - if that means begging teachers or counselors to help him then that is what he needs to do the moral waiver doesn’t help him without the entry ticket. If he needs help to go the GED route there are many places to get assistance.
If he wants to wear the uniform he must step up and show he deserves the honor. If things don’t go well short term keep him heading toward the diploma/GED and have him stay in contact with the recruiter. Eventually the persistence will pay off.
Let us know how things turn out.
Ohh almost forgot Go Navy - Beat Army
USNA ‘89
You have my prayers. May God see you and your son through this, and make both of you stronger in your faith.
Have you talked to your son about this? I think you might need to get the video footage you were shown, and gather some other trusted family and friends, and show it to them and your son in joined company, asking your son to explain what he was thinking/doing. He has clearly made bad decisions, but he’s only 17.
Prayers up for your family.
I was just thinking the same thing. By all accounts, I was a pretty good kid, but I know that these days, I would have had a long police record the way they do things now.
Hopefully, there’s a FReeper who is able to privately help in that regard.
And don't beat yourself up about this either. The only perfect parent was God.
I've got a teenage son too. I understand what you're going through. You have my prayers, Last Conservative. Hang in there. God can work through ANY situation and turn it into good.
You need to talk to a good criminal attorney. It may take some time to pay off the bill but your son and ex-husband should certainly be the ones to pay it off. Your son may well get a deferred judgment and probation if he can stay out of trouble.
It should go without saying that your son should have no unsupervised contact with other teens and should have regular drug testing.
Just be thankful he was caught. It could have been much, much worse, if he kept getting away with it. I would be on my knees thanking God.
Kids are immature and make stupid choices especially with peer pressure—that is why they need parents. I wouldn’t trust him anymore. He breached your trust and doesn’t deserve it now. He will have to earn it again and it should take years—but it will happen, only if he learns that life is hard—never easy—and even good, great people get treated horribly during their life which is never fair. He should thank God for every joy, every crumb of food and never suffer the company of evil people. If he has God in his heart, it is easier to resist conformity to the sick pop culture that is feeding him 24/7 the immoral ideas which we never had in our youth.
I know many people who did something incredibly dumb at your son’s age and facing the consequences made them much better and stronger people. He can still be someone great and do great things. People overcome far worse things than what happened to him.
Keep telling him life is about making the hard choices...and it is never an easy thing. He has to MAKE his life great—but that only comes with hard work and knowledge and wisdom. He needs to study hard—study Plutarch, Cato, Cicero, and all Classical books and apply the knowledge to his life. He would be interested in Julius Caesar’s writings =many great military people studied him.
Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your son. I can see why you’d hide your FReeper name, but even if I hated your guts for years on FR, I’d be praying for you on this.
If it were me, I’d let his father take the laboring oar on this matter. In other words, let the men handle it. You don’t have to do it all and as much as women like to think they’re just as good as men, there are some things men are just better at and get better results. And this is one of them.
And know, really KNOW, that God is in control. Every time you feel fearful, every time you find yourself sinking in despair, stop those thoughts and replace them with thoughts of trust in God. Fear not tomorrow, God is already there.
Keep on being the good mom, and trust me on this... believe me, one day this will be a distant memory, if you even remember it at all.
Been there, done that.
In other words, they want a full confession. Word of advice: do not ever write any "apology" letters to the police or to the courts.
God bless you. You’ve done everything right you’ve known to do in raising your kids, so this has to be all the more heartbreaking. But it could turn out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to him. If this was repeated over a period of time, the boys could have become bored with breaking into construction sites and gone onto bigger/badder activities. That’s been stopped in its tracks.
One of my older brothers and his friends got into trouble as teens, hauled off before the Justice of the Peace in the small town, and were read the riot act, As I’ve found out recently, the judge laid the guilt trip on them about how this had to hurt their mothers, etc. Bro never did another thing that could possibly cause mom heartburn. He went on to be NYPD. So ya never know.
The court in your son’s and his friends’ cases will take into consideration their backgrounds, and the ROTC/BSA leaders’ character witnessing will be helpful. Just so sorry you all are going thru this.
Does anyone lack wisdom? Let him ask of the Lord, who grants liberally to all who ask. Grace them with knowledge of where to go and to whom they should go, O Lord. Grant a calm that comes from the promise of Your Word ... “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Thank You, Merciful Lord, for Your promise of redemption and restoration. Take hold of this young man and set him upon the path that leads to a life lived for You. In the Name of Jesus, may it be so, Amen ...
Focus on the Family still has their call center if you need someone to chat with.
He was in during the vietnam era. My mother was prayering during every day he was away. He came back a real man.
He said he couldn't understand why he never had to be in an open field with a gun or any one to shoot at him. He also was never in the mainland. He was always on a ship or shore.
When he came back my mother told him she prayed her heart out for him. Her prayers were Number1 never to have to kill anyone and number 2 never to be killed by the enemy. 3 never to be in the mainland. He was always at the south china sea.
He was taught radio communication skills which led to working as an Executive for AT&T for thirty years. He retired with a great severance. He was also the deacon for the Church. Knights of Columbus. He had his car stolen and forgave the teenagers who took it.
I would advise you to keep hope alive. When you want to worry just pray and believe that good will happen. If you worry again go to the pray room again never let up in pray. Do it every day where you know the Lord in this matter. And do it again everyday. p> Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Keep the Faith!!
All that comes to mind is my Mother's action. I will be personally prayering for you.
He gave you good advice. The person who controls the legal fate of your son is the juvenile prosecutor. This is the person who your son must convince that he has a good attitude, he is contrite and that he will make restitution. You also got good advice here by the person who said deal with the victim directly and through the adults who know your son. It's a lot easier for the prosecutor to be lenient if he doesn't have a victim screaming at him for retribution. Your son is entitled to an attorney and sometimes an appointed attorney who deals with the prosecutor every day can get the best deal. Your son needs to impress his attorney also, this will be communicated to the prosecutor. I don't know about the jurisdiction you are in, but someone like your son who is known as a "good kid" can often get a diversion from prosecution. If he does, make sure he fulfills every condition, prosecutors don't like it when they feel they've been had.
I hope this incident has truly scared your son. If he was a little older, he would probably be in jail right now.
You are going through something that happens thousands of times every day. You and your son will get through it even though it seems terrible right now.
Good luck, I'll say a prayer for you and your son.
Freepers are awesome as usual. I just want to add a book recommendation that you might want to get and read with him. It helped with my oldest when he was having some difficulty making smart choices.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Ruin-Your-Life-40/dp/0802433227
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