Unfortunately for poor souls such as ourselves, all the big research money is currently tied up in combating the menace known as dihydrogen monoxide. The good news is that scientific inquiry in that quarter is proceeding swimmingly, from what I've been given to understand. The devastating effects of beervaporation are next on the study list.
Please remain where you are. Our agents will be there shortly to assist.
Can't.
Gotta go on a beer run.