Posted on 04/14/2012 12:51:14 PM PDT by Altariel
Dear Dave,
Is it ever a good idea to sell your home and buy a smaller, less expensive one in order to get out of debt more quickly?
Autumn
Dear Autumn,
It’s a good idea in some situations. If you don’t really like the house, or maybe you were thinking about selling it anyway, then I’d say go for it. It would also be a smart move if you simply have too much house and the payments are eating you alive.
I usually recommend that your monthly mortgage payment or rent be no more than 25 percent of your take-home pay. If your house payments are taking 40 to 50 percent of this figure, then it’s time to unload the house.
But selling your home can be a tough thing emotionally. I’d never advise someone to sell the place they love and move down in house if their payment is reasonable. In these situations there are usually other areas where you can cut back, keep your home, and still get out of debt in a reasonable amount of time.
—Dave
Dear Dave,
I’m getting married to a wonderful man, but his 19-year old daughter from a previous marriage is very irresponsible. She doesn’t want to make her own car payments and doesn’t want to work. Lots of days, she sleeps until noon and just lies around the house. He agrees that he’s been too lenient and that she needs to grow up, but doesn’t want to pull the rug out from under her. What do you think?
Kelly
Dear Kelly,
There are two problems here. One is financial in nature, and the other is a lack of boundaries. You’re walking face-first into both of them.
Marriage counselors will tell you if you can agree on four things – religion, money, children and in-laws – then you’ve got a good chance of having a successful marriage. You’ve got two of these yanking your chain right now - money and children - and they’re both wrapped up in one spoiled little girl. If you and dad really want to show her that you love her, you’ll make sure she starts learning some character and discipline.
I’d strongly suggest that you and your fiancé go through pre-marital counseling to make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to handling this and other issues. You might also want to read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, together. Then, the two of you will have some tools to sit down and create a reasonable timeline for her re-education. Her dad, not you, needs to present this to her and explain that he’s made some mistakes by not requiring her to grow up and learn self-sufficiency. Then, he can lay out the ground rules and a monthly timetable.
It wouldn’t be cruel to require her to get a job during the first month, along with getting out of bed by 8 a.m. every day. During the second month, you could also require her to do some work around the house to help out. During month three she could be required to pay rent. This way, you’re stepping up the expectations gradually to the fifth or sixth month, when she’s moving out and taking care of her own responsibilities.
It’s all about love, Kelly. But it’s also about boundaries and expectations that will prepare children to function in the real world.
—Dave
* For more financial help please visit daveramsey.com.
Every month, your rent should me no more than one AVERAGE week’s take home pay. This is not what you should spend, this is your upper limit.
I built my home on the pay as you go, no debt plan. That’s the only kind of monthly payments I like.
If all goes well, 11 more months of payments.
I am almost shivering I am so happy.
Congratulations!
Dave Ramsey ping!
“I’m getting married to a wonderful man, but his 19-year old daughter from a previous marriage is very irresponsible. She doesn’t want to make her own car payments and doesn’t want to work. Lots of days, she sleeps until noon and just lies around the house. He agrees that he’s been too lenient and that she needs to grow up, but doesn’t want to pull the rug out from under her. What do you think? “
Kelly,
You don’t have a future-daughter-in-law problem, you have a fiance problem. Do not marry this man until you both can come to an agreement (and there is evidence that he is sticking to that agreement). Preferably, do not marry him until his daughter is moved out.
Teach your kids about money while they are young and you will change your family tree!
Thanks Altariel for the ping.
Dave Ramsey Fan Ping List.
If you would like to be added to the “Live like no one else, so that you can LIVE like no one else” list, feel free to Freepmail me.
Teach your kids about money while they are young and you will change your family tree!
Thanks Altariel for the ping.
Dave Ramsey Fan Ping List.
If you would like to be added to the “Live like no one else, so that you can LIVE like no one else” list, feel free to Freepmail me.
13 here until I make a payment on Friday! Keep up the good work.
EXACTLY!!! I’d tell Kelly to RUN RUN RUN!!!! I know b/c I’m with a man who is totally enslaved to his vindictive ex-wife who holds the children hostage.
Of course while he pays astronomical child support to her so that he cannot possibly support himself without my income. And his ex remarried a sugar daddy so all three kiddies are SPOILED! The older two are in their early to mid teens are and allowed to do anything they want (free ranged). Both bioparents are FAR FAR too lenient!!!
RUN Kelly RUN!!!!
This having everyone on board thing is really important. I laid out a 12 month, 18 month and 3 year plan to show my family what we would have to give up temporarily in order to have better things in the future. I believe I’m the only one that wants to be gazelle intense. Instead, my husband came home with a Wii for the family that I have to figure out how we’re going to pay for it when the Amex payment comes due next month. *sigh* I guess Dave never said it would be easy!
I think my next step is to make a big graph/chart to hang on the fridge or wall that shows the debt going down with a possibly plan of where the money could go AFTER the debt is gone. My husband has been out of school for 14 years now. It’s time to get rid of the student loans before my 13 year old wants to go to college!
You guys and your debt free/almost debt free stories inspire me. I love FR!
Good luck with that! I’ve found that if you’re not on the same page as a united front, it’s pretty much a disaster.
I remember clearly the days of “guilty daddy” spending after the divorce when my “hubby” was totally out of control and the stepkids were manipulating him beyond belief!!
I was on fumes coming back from work and he was handing out twenties just for breathing. At least you are a nuclear/intact family so you have that going for you.
Man, oh man do I ever Praise the Lord I married a lass of Scottish descent with an accounting degree.
We both got laid off last year, after 21 and 23 years with the same company (Thanks, State Farm), but at least debt free, house paid for, Harley paid for, one income property owned free and clear. It might be tight but if we were in debt it would be far far worse.
Her attitude is always ‘prepare for the worst’.
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