(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

Well, Your Honor, I really didn’t mean to get into a fight with the driver of the car I ran into the other day.

I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, whom you can see is a dwarf, approached aggressively after the accident yelling, “I am NOT happy.”

I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered, “OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?”

That’s when the fight started.

That’s pretty good, but that ain’t the way I heared it. One feller says to the other feller (ala Fibber McGee) “Saaaaaaaay, he says, “you getting any on the side?” And the other feller says, “Heck, it’s been so long that I didn’t even know they had moved it.”

Hot and smoky in Arizona, huh? When I lived in Phoenix you could see the Superstitions and there was space in between all the cities. The only time the air was dirty was when a dust storm blew through.

Just in case you needed a laugh.
Remember it takes a College Degree to fly a plane, but only a High School Diploma to fix one; that’s a comfort to those of us who fly routinely.

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance Personnel.

By the way, UPS is the only Major Airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
(I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget

I probably heard it on Fibber McGee, but I was too young to unserstand it. ;o]

Living in Vegas, we got the smoke from the southeast and the next week, we got it from the northwest. We often get it from So. Cal, but not so dense.

We have dust here every so often...when the wind blows just at the right speed.

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