Police: Man Tries to Burn Self and Store, But No One Gives Him a Lighter

The Gainesville Sun ^ | Tuesday, June 12, 2012

[nickcarraway]

A former employee of a High Springs gas station returned Monday night, poured gasoline on himself and his car, and tried to set both on fire, authorities said.

No one would give the man a lighter, however, and he was unable to ignite the spilled fuel.

A High Springs Police Department report gave the following account: Kalpeshkumar Patel, 40, of High Springs, pulled into the High Springs Chevron gas station and convenience store at 7820 SW 50th Road around 9:20 p.m.

Using a gas pump, he then poured gasoline on himself and the car and tried unsuccessfully to get a lighter from customers.

The owner of the store told police Patel had left him several threatening phone messages, including the threat that he would burn his car in order to destroy the store.

Patel was arrested on charges of aggravated assault and attempted arson of a structure. He was being held without bond at the Alachua County jail.

[SIDENET]

EPIC FAIL.

[Talisker]

Slick. You think he actually believed someone would give him a lighter?

Liberal-level slick.

[JRandomFreeper]

This is difficult. I have a disposable lighter that I might have given him. Not my Zippo... maybe the disposable.

/johnny

[SIDENET]

I’d give him a B- for effort, but an F for planning as well as execution.

[JRandomFreeper]

True. How hard is it to take a lighter with you?

"Honey, I'm going to get gas, soak everything with gasoline and set it on fire".

What is the wife supposed to say? "Take a lighter!"

/johnny

[mkmensinger]

Perhaps he had matches but they got wet.

[aviator]

He forgot about the cigarette lighter that most cars have.

[barbarianbabs]

sounds as bright as my X

[SaraJohnson]

Thank God no one helped him destroy.

[Repeat Offender]

If he can afford to waste all that gas at these prices, he can buy his own damned lighter.

[Viking2002]

This guy gets the Al Bundy 'Why Me' Award for having luck so bad it doesn't even qualify as 'FAIL'...........

"As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

--H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920

[njslim]

Dont you hate when that happens......

[familyop]

It must be rough, coming to America just before it becomes a third world country. Have fun. Enjoy the slide.

[paudio]

So, he's an ex employee? Was he fired ?

[eclecticEel]

Darwin award wannabe.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

“Aaaaagh! Why won’t anyone give me a lighter?”

“’Cause you’re freakin’ crazy, man.”

[AAABEST]

EPIC FAIL.

Yeah no kidding. Poor dude can't even get himself a Darwin on purpose because he forgets his lighter.

Now that's a loser.

[Conservative4Ever]

What a maroon.