Posted on 07/31/2012 5:07:35 AM PDT by Sir Napsalot
A new study suggests that—no matter how platonic you imagine a relationship may be—every man you know but aren’t related to is trying to sleep with you. And what’s worse, they think you’re trying to sleep with them right back.
Yes, really.
....
And while this unique insight into the male brain is troubling for male-female friendships around the world—including your insistence that you “stay friends” with all of your exes—the findings are much more disturbing when put into the context of the workplace. What about the platonic relationships you have with your male colleagues? Do male supervisors believe their female subordinates are in love with them? How does that shape corporate culture, the assessment of female employees and women’s advancement in the office?
(Excerpt) Read more at forbes.com ...
My opinion is that no, you cannot. My oldest daughter joined the Coast Guard at 18 and has been self-supporting since that day. She was an adult, while her brother, who is living at home, is not. I don't think it's a problem if an 18-year-old isn't self-supporting, but he's not an adult.
The people referenced in the article, though, must have jobs, because the discussion is about relationships in the workplace.
It definitely backfires on women in some workplaces. My former employer had an informal (and illegal, if ever proven) policy of simply refusing to hire young, attractive women for any job. It was a small (~100 employees), male-dominated company, and thirty years in business had taught them that the problems that would ensue from hiring such "targets" were best avoided - even if shad had an MBA, a CFA, and plenty of relevant experience.
We would all kind of laugh amongst ourselves when such a woman would come in for an interview - we knew she wasn't going to be joining the firm, especially if she showed up dressed in anything other than and ultra-conservative dark suit and low heels. And, in fact, the firm had zero sexual harassment problems during the ten years I worked there - far less than the big insurance company where I spent the previous decade. We were about 15% female, and virtually all of those women were over 40. The old man who ran the place knew what worked for his shop.
You are 100% correct about younger women not having any idea how their friendly interactions are being interpreted in the workplace. Far from being manipulative and scheming, most of them are downright dumb about it.
The successful "player" pays no attention to things like wedding rings, work roles and relationships, or even whether a woman is particularly attractive. The game is always on for them. And such alpha predator/players who believe completely in their own invincibility hardly ever get accused of sexual harassment - it's usually some harmless and hapless loser who makes an unfortunate remark at the wrong time and brings the wrath of the HR department and the Sisterhood down on his head. :)
I had Jacqui (that’s how she likes it spelled now)text daddy the other day because his phone went directly to voice mail and I needed him to add trash bags to the list - he got home an hour later without the bags because he hadn’t gotten the text. 2 hours after that the phone notified him he had gotten a text.
A lot of good it does me!
I am 100% confused. You have made two total contradictory claims...in one you never touch a non related male but in another you treat your guy friends just like your female friends (hugs etc)or am I just missing something here?
I never touch a non-related male unless I’m pulling him from a fire. I am never alone with a non-related male. If a situation comes up where I *must* be alone with a non-related male (repair man), my husband is aware of the situation and I never allow him to get closer than 6 feet. I’m not a b*tch about it, but I keep the lines very clear. I don’t trust ANY male.
The way female friends interact with each other (hugging, doing nice things for one another, intense personal conversations) was natural for me. When I started making friends with the guys, I treated them the way I would a good female friend. I NEVER thought that these idiots would see it as flirting. (Alright - *I* was the idiot.) They knew I was happily married. I thought that my ring was all the clarity that I needed.
LOL!
That reminds me of a conversation we had with my daughter when she was 17.
Her and I were standing, arguing in the living room. My husband was watching the production from his chair.
I turned to my husband and said, “When a guy gives you a hug... what does that mean.”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
“When a guy asks for your comfort with a personal problem - he wants to talk...?”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
“When a guy asks you to help with his homework...?”
“It means he wants to have sex with you.”
and on and on.
My daughter turned to her brother who’d wandered in and was standing in the door, grinning.
“Is this TRUE??”
My son laughed. “Oh, yeah! Every word!”
Then I turned it around.
“What does a guy think when you give him a hug?”
“He thinks that you want to have sex with him.”
“What does a guy think when you smile and give him a high-five?”
“He thinks that you want to have sex with him.”
My daughter was NOT happy with this reality.
That has happened to us with texts sometimes, too. No method of communication is without its problems. However, the failures of text-message delivery are, for me, fewer and less stressful than,
I call him, get voicemail. I leave message, “Please get milk and bananas on the way home, thanks.” He turns on his phone and sees that I called him. He calls me back. I’m in the shower, changing a diaper, feeding the baby, so he gets the answering machine, leaves message, “Did you call me for something?” I call back, get voice mail, leave message: “Yes, I left a message. Check your bleeping freeping voice mail, that’s what it’s freeping for!” He calls back, “Why do you keep calling me?” and so on ...
One’s marital relationship does not need this sort of thing.
My boss from church called recently when I couldn’t get to my cell phone, and before I picked it up, Frank (3) got it out of my purse and hit “Enter,” which called her back. When she answered, he said, “Hi, I’m on the phone!” and she recognized the number and deduced, “Is this Frank?” “Yes!” he said, and then, “Here is Mama’s checkbook. Do you want it?”
What I *SAID* was that I *used* to treat male ‘friends’ the way I would my female friends. I honestly didn’t see them as sexual objects. I meant it when I said, “just friends.”
Then, after a series of horrifying encounters, I figured out that guys saw ‘friendship’ as an invitation for more. I was no longer naive.
AFTER THAT, I changed my behavior. I made my lock-tight list of rules for social dealings with men. I *learned* to keep ALL men at an arms-length.
When I was very young I kept hearing “boys will be boys.”
I’m a very subtle people-watcher and it didn’t take me long to figure out boys were being boys with girls — for the most part :)
"Well, she's obviously interested in sex with somebody." *****************************************
LOL
I just love your Frank!
Our problem is spotty cell service because we live in the absolute boonies! I might, and I seriously mean MIGHT, get reasonable reception if I am up on the deck on the west side o the house. One of these days I guess I will need to think about once again getting a landline - but o course then I will still have the issues of the really bad infrastructure and losing that service everytime it rains.
“Women are generally more demure about these methods while men are usually more open”
Agree for the most part but some women are blatant.
“Nah, only the hootchie mamas who wear micro miniskirts to the office think that.”
Or, the hootchie mamas want to get you to want to sleep with them, even though you don’t (and even though they don’t intend to carry through), and the plain dressers dress that way to ward you off because they think you want to sleep with them.
Well, I won't lie to you, there are a few attractive women in my office. Were I younger, and not married, I'd certainly think about asking them out if they showed a little interest.
But the article read like I (and every other guy in the company) stand outside of any random female worker's office, drooling and breathing heavily. I've worked with a (very) few men like that (and some women, too) but they tend to move on, or find themselves out of a job, fairly quickly.
And - with a very few exceptions that I've heard of - those who "dip their pen in company ink" never, ever come to a good end. It's always best to keep business and pleasure separate. :-)
“The attitude that ‘women know what they’re doing’ is a dangerous one.”
The attitude that “every man you work with wants to sleep with you” isn’t so good either.
Nor the attitude “I don’t trust ANY male.”
On the other hand, I’m not too far from “I don’t trust ANY female” but at least I know it’s not a good attitude.
No thanks.
First, I want to add my voice to what I’m sure are many other freepers, saying “BS” to this claim.
I work with many many women, and I don’t think ANY Of them want to sleep with me, and there’s only one or two that I think would even be tempting to me in that regard.
Still, I have no doubt that there are dynamics in the workplace with sexual attraction. I know companies have to spend a significant amount of effort to overcome the problems associated with having people with natural sexual attraction working closely together.
If I were 25 and single, and Francisco the guitarist was single, I'd probably bat my eyes at him, just in case he was interested in getting married and having ten children. But as it is, we have a handshake and "I really liked your offertory hymn," relationship.
that is absolute fembot horseshit
it should read:
If you are hot then likely every man you work with thinks about what it would be like to "____" you or at a minimum what you look like underneath the Ann Klein business suit
that is just how we are....
but to add that we think all women want to bang us is so much crap...i never thought that unless they made overtures
This is NOT true..
IF THE MALE FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE, then yes, in the back of his mind he may want to sleep with you no matter what your relationship is. That doesn’t mean intellectually they are going to do so etc etc.
However, IF THE MALE FINDS YOU UNATTRACTIVE, then sleeping with you is not on his mind, even a little bit, unless he’s going through one INCREDIBLY long dry spell or something.
I bet Mr. Poet thinks like this.
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