Woohoo!!! It’s finally Friday!!!!
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TOP TEN!
WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO TGIF
TOP 10
Top 10. Happy Friday!
Top Ten!
Wild Bill for America
http://youtu.be/yvJK3yWnblM
In !!!
Texting For Seniors
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can’t get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)
Shampoo Warning!
I don’t know WHY I didn’t figure this out sooner!
I use shampoo in the shower!
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and
printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,
“FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME.”
No wonder I have been gaining weight!
Well! I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering
with Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads,
“DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE.”
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault ‘Clio’ and the Ford ‘Taurus’ they have designed the ‘Clitaurus’. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one, and replace when it becomes troublesome.
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I get irritated when people come down on our police officers saying that they don’t care. Well, here is a story that shows not all cops are in that category.
The Joplin , Missouri Police Department reported finding a man’s body last Saturday in the Spring River near the Empire Electric Plant. The police would not release the dead man’s name until his family had been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting “someone” in Riverton , Kansas. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, nipple rings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.
The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare the man’s family any unnecessary embarrassment.
Police Do Care.
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The argument....
My wife was screaming at me: “Leave!! Get out of this house!” she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled, “I hope you die a slow and painful death!”
So I turned around and replied, “So now you want me to stay.
