Posted on 09/28/2012 8:13:10 AM PDT by Responsibility2nd
The interior of the house belongs to the wife. Every man with half a brain has figured this out. And in the case of a divorce, the entire house belongs to the wife, inside and outside.
Its her house, not yours. Let her do the housework. You get the yard, the garage, any sheds, patios, and decks...the attic and the basement but only if they are unfinished. In any relationship or partnership there are boundaries. The clearer the boundaries, the better.
I always clean my plate.
I think another unspoken reason is that many have standards drilled into them by their mothers that they seem incapable of rationalizing.
I worked an overnight shift in a computer room with a women where one chore was to vacuum the area around the printers each night (lots of dust and punched out paper holes flying around). When we were done, the small canister vacuum was pushed under one of the storage racks where it was not in anyone’s way.
But the woman insisted on wrapping the cord around the vacuum when she was done which meant that I had to unwrap it every time it was my turn to use it instead of simply pulling the vacuum cleaner out from under the rack.
When I asked why she insisted on adding this unnecessary step, her answer was “this was how my mother always taught me to it.” To which I answered “your mother is never coming up here to inspect the office and if she ever does and finds the cord unwrapped, you can blame it on me.”
I cook, do dishes, clean toilets, and yardwork.
But I WILL not do laundry.
Matter of fact, I’m still trying to figure out why I have to wear clothes at all.
This sounds incomplete. What if the husband does all the housework? The two choices given were wife doing all housework and the splitting of chores.
It makes a lot more sense in America, because for two generations now, many girls grew up without any familiarity or study of housework. They don’t know how to clean, cook, wash, do home arrangement or design, or manage a household budget.
Conversely, many boys have grown up having to depend on self reliance, because if they didn’t do it, it didn’t get done.
If anything, the problems caused with this are with the boys recognizing that if all a girl brings to a marriage is sex, the price is too high. What else does she have? By this he means something productive, not just a willingness to party, waste time, and be waited on hand and foot.
It takes awhile to figure out and respect what people do best.
I have learned over the years that I must be the paper sorter, not him. And I pack for trips, not him.
But he will happily put the stuff in the car in a space-efficient way.
And also, if you need a really nifty birthday invitation or a flyer for your event, Mr. Married21 is the guy. He creates the annual Christmas letter. My contribution is a list of events that should be mentioned in the story.
It takes awhile to figure out and respect what people do best.
I have learned over the years that I must be the paper sorter, not him. And I pack for trips, not him.
But he will happily put the stuff in the car in a space-efficient way.
And also, if you need a really nifty birthday invitation or a flyer for your event, Mr. Married21 is the guy. He creates the annual Christmas letter. My contribution is a list of events that should be mentioned in the story.
I have no problem sharing housework. But I can certainly see how constantly hearing how the man did it wrong can lead to divorce. After 25 years, my vacuuming and dusting and bathroom cleaning isn’t going to get better. Fortunately she decided long ago to redo it when it mattered (guests coming over) and I decided more recently to be ok with her asking me to do something then her redoing it (when we both knew to begin with that she would).
I think the problem comes in when there’s a goal of “equally” that turns it into something with rules and such. Just let things happen. The wife does most of the cooking because she’s better at it, I do the dishes because she does the cooking and it seems like the nice thing to do after she’s provided me with a nice meal. She does the vacuuming and laundry and lots of other stuff I don’t pay attention to because I don’t care about those things. I do all the cleaning that involves noxious liquids because she has asthma and having to go to the hospital every time the bathrooms get scrubbed would be a waste of time and money. But all these things just evolved over the course of our relationship, there’s no rules, no list, couldn’t even really tell you if things are even close to equal, we each just took on tasks we were best equipped for.
Amen!
Last weekend my son had a friend stay over. That kid has everything done for him. My son, on the other hand, knows how to clean, do laundry, mow the lawn, cook, etc. As a matter of fact, his chickens tenders are better than mine!
The boys decided to make some cookies. That kid was lost in the kitchen . . . couldn't tell the difference between the sugar and the flour. It was pitiful watching him.
LoL
But I would like to know why men can't seem to remember where stuff goes. If a cupboard is filled with all Tupperware, why would you think that a Corningware dish goes in there?
They do it intentionally so the wife tell him to not ever touch those again.
When I devote my “free” time to my career, the yard, or repairs - she complains about the house, or $#it just piles up. When I help around the house she complains about money, the yard or what’s broken - but only when there is an audience of friends or family.
Maybe, just maybe housework isn’t the underlying causal factor.
My dh is retired, he’s in the kitchen ALL THE TIME. He decided we’d buy and cook our own foods. I hate it. I always considered the house to be my domain-I decided where things went, what we ate, did the laundry (I don’t fold them fast enough), you know, homemaker stuff. He leaves the drawers and cupboards open and he washes only HIS dishes, which fills up the drainer which I have to empty prior to doing MY dishes. I bet most of the divorces originate in the kitchen, not the bedroom. LOL
IMO people still want life to be gender divided.
Wonder how that works for gay people...
FWIW, I can cook, clean and take care of myself in the absence of a wife and have done so on numerous occasions when my wife has been out of town for extended times to care for an elderly relative or a daughter who just gave birth.
I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I actually look forward to these absences because I can cook what I want, when I want it, open the sardines and get the deer sausage out of the freezer to fry up without anybody complaining. I can also turn down the heat to 55 degrees or so where I am most comfortable and leave the toilet seat up.
I suspect there are a lot of menfolk in exactly the same situation.
Well, I’m sure I’m the exception, but I’ve never been with a woman who could cook worth a hoot... I’m no French chef, but you can only stand sharing so many meals of bad food, before you just step in and take over, regardless.
Right now I’m thinking about one girl in particular, she said she wanted our first meal together to be special, so she was going to fix spaghetti the way her mom use to make it...well, I pity that whole family. Two pounds of spaghetti boiled in a pot, only half drained, and then about four ounces of cooked hamburger, and I swear to goodness, she emptied an institutional size can of tomato juice, *Juice* mind you, over the whole thing, and salt...nothing else...and then put that watery soup on to a plate, and waited for my compliments.
I told her that her hair looked really nice... ;^)
The woman lived on fast food and microwave popcorn... had a freezer full of TV dinners for the kids, and steaks in the refrigerator for the weekend, when she liked to grill. The cupboard full of popcorn, and one solitary sauce pan and that was it. Apparently, she made a special trip to get a box of spaghetti and a can of juice for me...LOL
My sister is worse... on Christmas, my mom makes the turkey and all the family members arrive with a covered dish. Every year, my sister comes with hotdogs microwaved in barbeque sauce with toothpicks in them. She used to live off fast food at home...when her daughter, my niece, took over the cooking, she was just a little girl, she asked her mom how to turn on the oven, and my sister didn’t know. Elementary school, and a little girl is cooking and cleaning for her mom, because she knows otherwise it won’t get done. Now my niece is in her twenties and my sister has a mental conniption anytime it looks like her daughter’s ready to move out of the house...she’s losing her cook and her maid.
It’s probably just as well... If I ever met a woman who could really cook, I wouldn’t know how to handle it, I’d probably be 400 pounds. I’d rather stay single...anyway, running the monastery gives me a tax break :^(
“I hate to say you are on to something, but it does seem every time I do one of these chores instead of quiet appreciation I generally get a stern lecture about how I effed it all up.”
BINGO! Some of the worst fights I’ve ever had with my wife is over how I clean the house. Finally, I said screw it and hired some cleaning help. My wife has been relatively pleased with the help but I’m still responsible for the end result.
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