[SouthDixie]

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey:

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone,
I do a little trick to calm myself down.
I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell.
When the person comes to the door, I'm gone,
but you know what I've left on the porch?
A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side
of its head with a note that says "You."
After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

[Lazamataz]

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy:

One thing kids like is to be tricked.
For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland,
but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.
"Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried,
but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
I started to drive over to the real Disneyland,
but decided to go home instead.