A man in a Florida Supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce..
The very young produce assistant tells him they sell only whole heads of lettuce.
The man persists and asks to see the manager.
Walking into the back room, the young assistant said to his manager, ‘Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.’
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, ‘and this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.’
The manager approved the deal, and the customer went on his way. Later the manager said to the assistant,’I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think quickly on their feet here. Where are you from son?
’ Green Bay, Wisconsin Sir,’ the young assistant replied.
‘Well, why did you leave Green Bay?’ the manager asked.
The produce assistant said, ‘Sir, there’s nothing but whores and football players up there.’
‘Really?’ said the manager. ‘My wife is from Green Bay.’
‘No shit?’ replied the young assistant. ‘What position did she play?’
A woman shopping at her local supermarket selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of Romaine lettuce, a 2-lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a shabby drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
The drunk said, “You must be single.”
The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by his intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, she responded, “Well, as a matter of fact, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “’Cause you’re ugly.”