Posted on 12/28/2012 7:52:27 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Karl Marx once opined that religion is the opiate of the masses.
He had no idea what the Internet could do.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 out west to where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word".
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that he'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'.
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister is blonde. She'll read it slowly."
A powerful genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out of his magical cage.
The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you a wish. BUT, I can only grant one."
The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I've never been able to go because I cannot stand flying in an airplane, and boats tend to make me claustrophobic. So for my wish, I want a road to be built to Hawaii."
The genie thought about the road for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Just imagine all the pavement needed. No, I'm sorry, but that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a few minutes and then decided on his second choice. The man said, "There IS one other thing I really, really want. I would like the House and Senate to be able to sit down with President Obama and hammer out a solution to the Fiscal Cliff that makes sense and puts the United States on the road to financial security. It should uphold the values that made America great, not put too much of a burden on the poor, and treat the rich fairly."
The genie pondered the request for a moment, and finally said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"
The hardest part isn't owning up to your mistakes, it's finding enough room for all the bodies.
er - So I've been told.
I'm clearly smart enough to run this country, and far better than it's been run in the past 12 or so years. Unfortunately, I'm also smart enough to pass on the job.
Statler: The question is, what is a Mahna Mahna?
Waldorf: The question is, who cares?
| Your Year was an "A" Year |
 You're flying high after having an incredible year. It was the year when almost everything went right for once. Enjoy the feeling of having a year well done. You deserve to celebrate a little. Here's hoping that next year is even better... if that's even possible! |
“Ridiculously Photogenic Guy” doesn’t show up! Now I want to see him! :-)
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three
engineers buy only a single ticket.
“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three
engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly
after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens
just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor
takes it and moves on.
The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the
conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some
money (recognizing the engineers’ superior intellect).
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their
astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.
“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three
engineers cram into another one nearby.
The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to
the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,
“Ticket, please.”
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