Posted on 01/11/2013 4:24:19 AM PST by Lucky9teen
My tax return
I just received my tax return for 2011 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants;
3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?
I’m sure that all you cattle breeders out there already recognize this substance!
A friend of mine spent $2,500 on a young Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.
I was beginning to suspect he was gay, if that’s possible with a bull.
Anyhow, he had the Vet come have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly a little young, so he gave him some pills to feed him once per day.
Dang! The bull started to service the cows within two days. All of his cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred all his neighbor’s cows! He’s been breeding just about everything in sight.
He’s like a machine! I don’t know what in hell was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they kinda taste like peppermint..............
Biology Exam
The truth of the matter
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s Milk.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.
He got an A.
Which version of map software does the iGun come with?
I’d hate to shoot the wrong person because I found myself in the wrong place.
The officer sat across from the elderly woman in the interrogation room.
“Why,” he asked her, “did you shoot the victim six times?”
“Because,” she answered, “when I pulled the trigger the seventh time, the gun only went ‘click.’”
A teacher asks each of the kids in class what they need at home.
*
Joey says, “A computer.” The teacher replies, “That would be very useful.”
*
Kimmy says, “A new lawn mower”, and gets a similar response.
*
Little Johnny pops up and says, “At my house we don’t need anything!” The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.
*
Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying, ‘Well, that’s the last *&#^*+$ thing we needed!’”
Really, this place needs a “Like” button.
Imagine what a downer that would be when trying to double-tap a zombie.
Maybe you'd like to put us on a record setting pace? :-D
Bad pic linky
Not in the Wizard's handbook.
The only reason I posted that was from the Alabama vs ND football game. Someone posted a link to her pictures on the net. It’s the Alabama QB’s mom.
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